In pain

[concused]

We have just lost our dog of 10 years. My husband is 82 and not well. He was the thread which kept us going. A help to my husband when he wasn't well. My help when I needed it. We have lost our best friend. It hurts just as much as when I lost my son. I have been to the dr. And a psychologist..but I don't really want to do this anymore. I am not suicidal.,,,but it is now too hard. No....I don't want another dog..Eddie was one of a kind...almost human. Our day and night was devoted to Eddie. Just don't know what to do. Everywhere we went Eddie was there too. Am so so lost.

[concused]

Hello Amanda. ...my name is Irene. Thank you for your message. I have a busy day today but will write tonight. You have given me strength. You seem to be in a bad place also what with your hubby's health and your own.

Take care friend

[concused]

Amanda ..can I ask how you felt beinging in another dog?

[Doolhof]

Hello Again, May I call you Irene?

It is wonderful you have been able to place a photo of Eddie in the loungeroom and that you are able to talk a little more about him.

A sense of grief and loss does not necessarily ever go away and that is okay. To me that just shows how much we have the capability to love and care for someone or something.

A few years ago I cried for days when a goldfish died! I don't think my grief was just for the goldfish, but maybe for other issues of grief and loss I had not been able to deal with in the past.

I'm wondering if it is possible for you to share or borrow someone else's dog now and then. Maybe there is a neighbour who would be happy for you to be a part of their dogs life. Maybe there is dog park close to you where you can both sit a while and enjoy watching other people's dogs.

My husband and I are cat lovers. In saying that, I would dearly love to have a dog but my husband is not at all keen. When or last cat died, we were devastated, she used to greet us when we came home and always seemed to happy to be with us...as much as a cat can show that!

We now have another cat. She is completely different in character and behaviour apart from the wanting to sleep all day bit! She will never replace our old cat. For us, it was what we needed.

Can you and your husband find some different things to do, is there something you may have wanted to do but haven't done so as yet. A change, variety, anticipation, all of these can help with depression.

Wishing you a day where the memories are strong but not so painful.

Cheers from Dools

[Guest8901]

Hello Irene, and thanks for getting back to me. How was your day today? You mentioned you had a busy day planned. I hope it was a pleasant day, one which included some joy.

It makes me very happy to hear you say that talking here has given you some strength. I think thats the nature and aim of these peer support forums. I hope you continue to find that here.

Yes ... you're right ... it is very difficult juggling my husband health and care needs as well as my own. My husband has many medical appointments each week, at least 2, and up to 6 weekly. And somewhere in there I manage to fit in appointments for myself as well. But we manage dont we? I expect you must have similar difficulties with your husband. How is he holding up lately, since the loss of Eddie? You said you expected he would likely spiral into depression.

Dools has offered some excellent suggestions including borrowing or pet sitting someone elses dog. Would that be an option for you, do you think? If you simply cannot bear to get another dog, perhaps another type of pet would be easier for you - have you considered getting a cat or a bird perhaps? I have budgies, and they're great little companions. Mine are kept in a large outdoor aviary where they can fly around. But even so they are still very tame and come and sit on my hand (or my head) when I walk in to top up their feed and water, or to take some special treat in for them. Something for you to think about I guess.

How did I feel bringing in a new dog when we first got Charli? Hmmm, difficult to analyse. Remember I didnt purposely set out to obtain another dog. Charli just 'happened', most unexpectedly. I think it was just meant to be really. When I first brought her home, my husband was angry with me. But she was such a sweet natured, good little dog that she quickly won him over. She was just never any trouble, always so gentle, so quiet, so good. In all respects she was just perfect.

Its strange ... I never really compared her to my previous dog, and I still dont. They are both very different in temperament, despite being similar breed. I guess its like having children - there is room in our hearts to love more than one. Love can be equally as strong for each, but for different reasons and different qualities. Hope I'm making some sense here Irene? Lovely name by the way ... I have a relative whose name is Irene, and she too is a lovely lady.

Okay so its my bedtime, and I will bid you good night.

Amanda 💜

[concused]

Hello Amanda, thank you for your note , yesterday and today have been better....we have kept ourselves busy. Yesterday I caught up with some friends who are very supportive. Today hubby and I got some plants for the garden and spent the afternoon in the garden. A bit tough as Eddie used to love it when we were in the garden.My husband has many medical issues too and it is a battle to keep him well and positive. He has had a few breakdowns but overall he is actually doing quite well. In my family I have been the one to keep things going......Oh Irene will fix that etc....so it was though when I needed help. My daughter has been a big help.Yes, Dools had a good idea re walking someone else's dog etc...but at the moment I can't even bring myself to touch another dog. But that might change. We have had several animals and I never compared one to another. My husband has made it quite clear that we are not to have any more pets in the future.....don't know how I feel about that. Eddie was as much a therapy to him as to me... We were never meant to have Eddie in the first place....but we ended up with him through a series of events.....we have known him since he was a tiny thing......I have never regretted having him. I guess in a way it will be a good idea to be pet free for a while....but I need something which I can love unconditionally and will love me back the same. I know this stems from my childhood....not so good...but that is a whole long story.....Thank you for being a listening person.....it helps me to get things off my chest. I know in time the pain will be something that will be there but I might be able to tuck it away in a drawer with the other pains.....I am glad you have your pooch and that your husband is glad you have him.....I hope things for you get easier. I take my hat off to you...you have some big problems yourself and you have managed to make time for me....Thank you very much.....I look forward to sharing mh thoughts with you and hooe that in the future I may be able to put a smile on your face.

Have a good night...and be kind to yourself......you have been so helpful to me already.

[concused]

Hello Dools, thank you for your kind words. We are doing the best we can...I have had a lot of pets in my life but this little man has broken my heart. He gave so much and asked for so little. No, I can't even bring myself to to touch another dog.....but I guess that will pass...so at the moment I can't even consider looking after some one elses dog..

We had been looking at places where we could go away and take Eddie with us....we have family interstate so I guess we can do those trips now without trying to have someone look after Eddie. With my hubby being on the frail side, it will be a bit hard to do too much..but we willmtake one day at a time. We have had a reasonable day today working in the garden...even though we know Eddie loved being in the garden with us chasing his ball. I am very sensitive and small things will trigger the tears. I need to be strong now for my hubbys sake....

What gets me through each day is that i know Eddie was sick...he is not suffering now.....and I held him when he died.....I gave him a kiss..which he always liked, and he was gone before I knew. I have to stop feeling sorry for myself and be grateful that he is in a better place...hopefully sitting on my sons lap.

Thank you for taking the time to write.

I am very grateful.

Thank you..good night Irene

[Doolhof]

Dear Irene,

The sense of grief and loss is understandable, it does sound like Eddie was such a very precious soul. It is very hard to say goodbye to a creature so very special.

We used to have chooks, I thoroughly enjoyed their company out in the garden, one of them especially was so friendly and stuck next to me. They were funny and had their own character. When I was in the garden just recently, I thought of our chooks and had a few tears.

It must be comforting to think of your dear Eddie being with your son, that is such an endearing thought to have.

Hopefully you will be able to get away and enjoy some time together. Many years ago I had a back injury. My husband would drive me to the beach, I would sit in the car, smell the ocean and watch the waves, then we would drive home again sometimes after having had lunch there or an ice-cream.

To me just getting out of the house was very nice. Hopefully you can have some nice moments as well.

I don't think you are feeling sorry for yourself, you are missing a treasured pet and that realisation hurts.

I do so hope you and your husband are able to have some happy moments together, even if they are tinged with sad memories.

Cheers to you from Dools

[concused]

Hello Dools. Thank you for your lovely message. We are slowly getting there. Still very sad but keep telling ourselves that he is in a far better place. We have been getting out as much as we can though my husbands health makes it a little hard. I have always had pets and have always been very attached. We too had chickens and a special one called Millie. She followed me about. I know there are still a lot of hard days to come missing Eddie but he will always have that special little corner of my heart. Thank you for being an ear ....you and Amanda have helped me a lot. It is wonderful that by being able to share my pain and also to hear orher people's story it has made the burden bearable. Thank you. I hope that we still can chat. Regards Irene

[concused]

Hello Amanda

Just wanted to let you know that we are doing a bit better. Keep telling ourselves that the little man is in a better place. I was already worried him getting through our hot summer.

We are trying to get out a bit. We do the walk around our wetlands where we used to take Eddie. Was very hard at first but we also feed a lot of ducks...so that has become our focus.

thank you for being there when I needed someone...

I am happy that there are a couple of ears...eyes ....to listen when it is needed.

I hope things for you travel well....

Rehards Irene

[Guest8901]

Dear Irene,

Thanks for the update. I am so glad to hear that things are getting a little easier for you and your hubby and that you are both getting out there and remaining proactive. The walks around the wetlands sound particularly nice.

My apologies for not being around for a few days. I've been busy with psych apts for myself and medical apts for hubby. And on the weekends I tend to crash a little, both emotionally and physically.

I dont have a lot of time right now, but wanted you to know I havent forgotten you. I will come back again soon and respond properly. There are a few other threads here on the forums I think you may find helpful, so will let you know about those when I come back.

Talk later Irene.

Amanda 💜