I've had enough.

[Samaanthaa_16]

lately the stress and anxiety has got so bad and so constant,that it feels like I'm just going around in circles with trying,failing and then hating myself for the failures I've made. I have tried to let it out to others and it seems they are sick of hearing it. I don't want to be a burden to anyone anymore...so why bother even telling anyone if it's a let down. Sometimes my mind get's so bombarded by unwanted thoughts that I just want to scream. I feel like I'm just constantly drowning and slowly get deeper and deep in the 'ocean'. It has consumed me so much I think I have unfortunately reached that breaking point.It is so exhuasting having to pretend I'm 'okay' and all calm infront of others,but in reality I'm dying inside,hating myself and just mentally broken and drained.This may sound strange but,It's like I'm soo used to being anxious,depressed and on going (pressure mentally) that it feels out of the blue and kind of 'empty' when it's not happening. I don't want to feel this way anymore,but at the same time I don't want to get better or fight it anymore. It's like I'm just stuck inbetween wanting to get better and actually be 'happy' and then just drowning and staying in my fears and sorrows to not be a burden and fear I will just relapse and be a failure again. I feel like such a failure,but so mentally exhuasted it's hard for me to keep going some day without wanting to just snap and break down. Although, the worst thing is letting down others. That is what I fear the most and have always been the reason why I feel so much pressure to keep being me and trying to be strong,happy and push through it. It frustrates me that these such negatives things have to exist in our lives. But life unfortunately has it's negative and scarring battles to get through to be a better person.I guess.

[smallwolf]

Hi,

Hi, welcome to beyond blue.

I came when I perceived that I had hit rock bottom. And in this place I found the support of people like yourself who made me feel that I was not alone, and responded to whatever issues I was talking about in a manner that was helpful and supportive. I hope you will have a similar experience here.

My issues are depression and anxiety. And predispositions with perfectionism and certainty. And then there are a stack of other things like "all or nothing", "labelling", or "minimising the positives". I would be angry with myself for being angry. I know these thoughts are irrational, but they appear so real. These things I found out about myself since I started to see a psychologist. I would see myself as failing all the time, because I had set my expectations on myself sooo high.

But the way for me to resolve these problems (a work in progress) is to challenge the thoughts I have. This is through distraction and coping tools, filling out forms relating to unhelpful thought to see things in an alternative way. You should be able to find threads on the forum relating to relaxation, mindfulness, and grounding. If not, let me know I should be able to find them for you.

Reading and writing also helps (me). Whether it is reading as a distraction or for learning. Writing helps me get my thoughts out on my head onto paper. It becomes a way of stopping the thoughts from building up. And writing here, I get feedback from other users in the community.

If you want to chat about any of the above in more detail please let me know,

Tim

[Overit_too]

Hi... And hugs.

[StaticRose51]

Hi Samantha babes what is wrong talk more hunny? Please open yourself up hun you are safe here...xx Hope to hear more soon and look forward to chatting with you soon hun. 🙂

[Lee lee 73]

Hi Samaanthaa,

So sorry you're feeling the way you are. I can relate to almost every word you wrote. Please know you're not alone with feeling the way you do. Everyone here understands and we don't judge. You've taken a huge step by posting here please keep talking to us. You deserve it - give yourself permission to talk to us.

Hope to talk to you soon

Lee lee

[StaticRose51]

Hi Ok hun so here is me opening up....I have bpd and running an art business, I eat healthy and lay off substances as I also work part time. AND now I have to deal with relationship issues and things that are holding me back from connecting. Throughly exhausting stuff I could be girlie and put makeup on and not have a voice but then I am essentially cheating myself. I know this guy is really young and may not be the best for me, So I am willing to keep being friends and reconnecting with my friends because they care deeply about me and I would like to be the best version of myself that I can be! X Hows that for scary.....XXXX lots of love hunny.