Hi T
When you project to yourself "why cant I be normal" it is hoping to be someone you are not. That hope is unrealistic and will only serve you in a negative manner as your disappointment continues as you cannot achieve this.
A far better approach as I found through persistence is to identify that we with mental health issues (depending on the illness and severity) live our lives mental outside of the boundaries of "normal" and that with logic, planning, advice and medical assistance we can reach those boundaries and in some ways enter into the normal circle of health.
I'm 67yo now and have been enjoying many years behind me with this acceptance. Sure I still endure the swing of bipolar regardless of medication or the downs of depression and even had anxiety recently after its absence of 11 years. But I'm very positive when not in those cycles. Positive enough to encourage members like yourself that dont feel there is a life like what I've ended up with.
So, keep studying this forum, keep reading and asking. Lack of a passion can be an issue because a passion/hobby can distract us from over thinking/dwelling on the bad weather or problems, or just that darkness.
All of the above is the guide towards improvement but you also as an individual, have to seek out what works for you, an area no one can assist with unless its a psychiatrist. Improvement can come by changes in your life like environment, relationships, career, working hours, medication review, good sleep and so forth.
TonyWK
