Im not coping

[Captain T]

Hi all. I just need to get this out somewhere. I am in a very dark place. I feel as though someone is sitting on my chest and have so much emotional pain yet feel numb at the same time. Im alone and lonely. I hate myself and who I am. I am so tired of fighting to get well and when I go to bed I pray to not wake up. I can’t keep going on like this. I need to get better

[white knight]

hi

Without a compass you have no direction. With a 3 month, 12 month 3 year and 10 year plans you'll have flexible goals to aim for eg- 3 month plan could entail a property valuation and clean, plant some flowers, bit of paint. Then onto the market. Sell and remain in the housing market with an investment property that hopefully  pays for itself. Etc

The point I'm making is that when one is desperately in danger of mental health crisis, nothing should be off the table. Talk to your professionals about this approach.

I'm sorry I haven't any further ideas.

I'm glad you're here, ideas, sharing, it's all helpful to think about.

TonyWK 

[Bob_22]

Hi Captain T,

Thanks for the update and your well wishes. I have recently applied for a full time job as peer worker and am nervously awaiting a reply.

I'm sorry that you're been in a really bad place but am glad beyond blue has been there for you. My doctors always tell me when I feel like I'm slipping that recovery is never linear and it will sometimes feel like taking one step forward and three steps back.  Please keep fighting for us and for yourself. 

Keep us posted.

Bob

[Captain T]

Hey Bob 

I hope the peer worker job works out for you! 

Thank you for your support. 

This recovery I don’t barely see one step forward. At the moment I’m struggling to see a way forward. All I do is go backwards. Each day is just getting to hard to face. I struggle with having to face another day. There are times when I just don’t want to. 

[Bob_22]

Hi Captain T,

Thank you! I will let you know how it goes.

I'm sorry that you are struggling to move forward with your mental health. It must be tough with everything that's been going on for you. I hope work has been going well at least?

Bob

[Captain T]

So I had a massive high yesterday. I was out of control. I don’t know if it was from being tired. It was fun while it lasted. Today I’m feeling overwhelmed and am falling fast. I’m so tired. I don’t want to do anything. Today I am wanting my life to end. The thoughts are crossing my mind. I resisted the urge last week after writing the goodbye notes. Will it get that bad again or will I be able to control it. I don’t know. 

[Sophie_M]

Hey Captain T, 

Thanks for sharing an update. We're sorry to hear you're feeling this way, but glad you could share it here. We've reached out to you privately to offer some support, and we're grateful to you for your openness. If you'd like to reach the Beyond Blue Support Service directly, you can do so here.

We can hear that you resisted some urges last week. Maybe it's worth thinking about what helped you then, and whether that's something you could draw on today? If you have a suicide safety plan, that could be a good place to look. If you’re unsure, Lifeline offer crisis support, available 24/7 on 13 11 14, or online.

Thanks again for sharing what's going on for you today, Captain T. We're here with you, and appreciate the strength it takes to reach out.

Kind regards, 

Sophie M

[white knight]

Hi T

Certainly experiencing extreme moods from euphoria to deep depression including suicidal thoughts us a major concern. Such feelings need professional help.

Are you seeing a professional?

Taking care if ourselves is our priority. 

TonyWK 

[quirkywords]

Captain T

I thank you for being honest  and sharing your thoughts here. 
Sophie has given you suggestions as have other kind people from the community. 

[smallwolf]

I'm really sorry to hear that you're feeling this way. It sounds like you're going through a difficult and overwhelming time. Is there anyone that you trust who you can talk to? Perhaps a friend, family member, or mental health professional, who can provide support and understanding. Perhaps you might want to share part of your story here? Listening to you ...

[Bob_22]

Hi Captain T,

Thanks for updating us and feeling comfortable enough to share your negative thoughts. I would suggest you touch base with your psychiatrist and potentially arrange an admission if you can. I know it can be a daunting and uncomfortable experience but it might be worth it in the long run. Regardless, keep us posted over the next few days on how you're feeling and as Sophie said, please follow your safety plan if feeling suicidal at all.

If you don't feel like doing anything at the moment it might be worth trying to push yourself to go outside for a five minute walk. This is a good first step to getting through a crisis I find. 

Bob