I’m tired of everything.

[MooseyMoo24]

I’ve recently started therapy again but I feel like I need to talk about how I’m feeling now.

I am tired, of feeling like a disappointment, of feeling like everything I do is pointless and not good enough, like I’m a waste of space, a waste of people’s time money and effort.

I feel like I can’t physically or mentally do the much needed and important things I need to do, like uni assignments. Then when I don’t do them I feel even worst because I didn’t do the thing. I feel completely useless.

I want to just sleep.

[Lonelydan]

Hi Mooseymoo, welcome to the forums. Depression is nasty. I Feel like, the way you do to it’s the depression climbing up your back and sitting on your shoulder. It’s so hard to do anything. I say to myself you pathetic piece of waste get up do something but it’s so hard I know I feel better when I do but the struggle is real keep fighting it you are not alone. Dan..

[zosterops]

SLEEP. UGHH...

It's like I don't even get bored anymore. I just am tired and will lie around and do nothing, despite absolutely hating myself because I am doing nothing but sleep...

The one thing I could suggest is forcing yourself to do some exercise if you don't already. When you don't feel like doing anything at all, when you feel perpetually tired or when things are overwhelming . It can help wake you up, even if it's just putting on gym clothes and running 200m outside, or walking fast while listening to a podcast. Just to make yourself sweat, feel gross and need to have a shower.

Then.. Stop telling yourself that not handing in an assignment is the end of your world. That you're letting someone down. That it means you are worthless or didn't live up to your 'potential'.

Everyone has potential. ALL THE TIME. No one is without potential, which means it can't be taken away from you!!!!

All these things that feel 'end of days' are things that wonderful, brilliant, funny people have thrived in spite of. And yet I totally understand that feeling of despair. I've had anxiety my whole life, yet managed to 'cope' in my own way until university. I still have exactly the feelings you've described here. lol and so I can't take my own advice obviously...

The feeling that permeates my mind is the constant guilt of letting people down. Even when I am well aware that the thoughts are stupid or useless, they still infect me. I often need to call my boyfriend and discuss those thoughts and have him confirm they are unnecessary just to slightly alleviate the fear I feel of disappointing people. It makes me very indecisive, which adds to the feeling of being useless, helpless and undeserving of help.

Know that you are far from alone in this, despite how isolating it is. And yet also know that it is a real and definable problem, not something you are 'making up'. It's great that you go to a therapist, I know how tough that is -.-

I'd try write yourself a list of all the things you do. Try think about which ones are bringing value to YOU. Which ones are draining you. And if anything hasn't got a good value-time-drain ratio, CUT IT OUT. Your health and well-being is the absolute first priority.

XD

sending constructive, mindful vibes to you.