I cannot cope anymore

Sense13 · ‎23-10-2013

I cant do this anymore, i have no motivation, depleated mentaly, always tired, my mind doesnt stop racing, I am diagnosed as depressed, i take 300mg of my medication a day, and somedays i go to 450mg, which numbs me down, but little less anxiuos, and feel clamer, I am stressed, it is impacting by work, no motovation. i am tired of being emotionlay abused, threatend, put down, degraded, emotional black mail using the kids and family, accusations of infidelity which I have NOT, and if she doest stop i dont know what I will do... I need help, I have contacted mens line and beyound blue in the past, i do have thoughts of ending, i am stripped of my self, I cannot leave, as money is not accessable, i am denied of access to cash, I do not have a gambling problem..I am alone, the kids are also impacted, my duaghter has her vce exams next week, my son hios uni exams, but the verbalising doesnt stop to me... and i crack it with the words and stuff she says and keep saying stop she doesnt, and then i get out of control and start screaming... i beg her stop to provoking me and inciting me, i just be home from work it I am provoked, and I fall into the out of control mode... then my body shuts down of all the stress and anxiety... she wont let me leave... I am threatened that if I access any amount of funds, I am threatend with abuse and lies to my workplace, takes it out my mother who is bi polar, smash my belongings, which she has already smashed all my fishing gear, and taken the boat engine key... i am treated like a crimminal, I have to justify every credit card transaction and produce receipts, if I dont and get abused verbaly, thats is the only thing I am allowed to have access to is a visa card, by debit card was cut up, my son gets the brunt of it... i am constantly harrassed at work with SMS's which are abusive... I dont know what to do.... anymore

Chris_B · ‎24-10-2013

Hi Sense13,

You sound incredibly trapped right now. From what you're saying, it doesn't sound like the relationship between you and your partner is healthy, it sounds very destructive.

You say you cannot leave because you have no access to cash, but you are working... are your wages going into an account that you don't have access to?

I think for your own wellbeing that living somewhere else would be a good idea. You need to be in a stable space where you feel calm and unthreatened, and from there you can make decisions about what is best for your kids and family.

The thoughts you have of "ending" are your brain's way of telling you that something is wrong, that the situation you are in is not too much to cope with. That doesn't mean that life is too much to cope with and things can't get better. You can change your situation by making the decision to remove yourself from the house, as tough as that may be.

What do others think?

best
CB

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Online Community Manager

new2this · ‎24-10-2013

I agree, it sounds like you are being controlled. It is a horrible feeling, I know because I have ben there. They can run your life and they can make you feel completely useless. I have been there and it is very difficult for people to understand. Have you read anything about narcissism; it sounds like you could be living with one. I did too for a number of years and when I finally left I felt like I had no-one in the world, because over years I became more and more isolated from my family and friends. That is the idea of the controller....to make you feel like that. That is how they operate. What I do know is that I was terrified to leave my situations, but looking back it was the best decision that I ever made. It sound like your living environment isn't a positive one at all. please consider leaving and loving yourself again. I know it's hard but please try. I wish you well.

geoff · ‎25-10-2013

dear Sense, it sounds as though it's a terrible existence and a pretty toxic one to be in.

Does she allow you any money at all, for weekly purchases, and can you direct say, 75% of your wage into a joint account, she probably won't be happy about this, but you need to have some freedom.

If this can be done it would have to be organised by your workplace, and to tell them to ignore her when she rings up, which I'm sure will happen.

Is the maximum dosage 450 mg, but all antidepressants have their own levels, as the max dose for mine is 100 mg, and that's what I take.

It seems as though your wife/partner is the one who needs help, because living under these circumstances would be unbearable, and certainly would not help you one bit, nor the kids.

You have to try and leave and maybe stay with somebody, and if this happens when ever she rings up, then tell the people to hang up on her.

I'm not sure of your financial situation whether you are buying or renting, so please let us know, plus your son should be receiving some type of money from centrelink, and does she squeeze this off him. Geoff.

Nickname_B5EED40E-7382-45 · ‎31-07-2015

Hi Sense13, I know exactly what you are going through as I experienced the exact same thing in my first marriage. It's like living in your own personal hell and spiraling downward.

I remember feeling like my whole world was lost and I clung onto the toxic garbage that was being dished out on a daily basis. I realized that I was in love with what I wanted it to be and not actually what It was with my wife. We ended up divorcing which is it's own kind of pain but at least the children were no longer suffering with all the negativity.

The only thing I know for sure is to tell you that there is light at the end of the tunnel, and if your relationship was to end, then you will start afresh and realize that you are no doubt better off. I remember feeling very "End it" at the time and when I formed a new relationship it showed me that I had actually not lost anything but in fact gained a future that I never had with my ex.

I have been happily married for 28 years now, my ex could never find another door mat.

As others have stated, staying in that environment will definitely do you no good at all. Even if you and your wife just have some time out apart to let things settle down.

I really hope you can believe in the future that you will have, be it the relationship you are in or a new one that will develop.....all is not lost!

I wish you all the best and hope things look up for you soon.