I am sinking

[Lilith16]

I have so much to write but I am so exhausted and dumbed down by the depression.
I couldn’t take my 5 year old to school today, I just kinda broke. I was supposed to help out in her class for the first time. I’m such a shit Mum. My husband came home from work and took her late but you could tell that he was disgusted in me. He’d deny that, but it was pretty obvious. Mental illness is ok as long as I’m not effecting everyone else too badly I guess.

im waiting until the 15th so I can go inpatient for over 3 weeks to get TMS. It helped last year but I have to leave my 5 and 3 year old. I’m a stay at home Mum. My 5 yo girl is showing signs of it affecting her, my 3 year old doesn’t understand yet but he’s a mummy’s boy.

iwishthis was more articulate. I hate myself. I’m in bed. Look like something the cat dragged in and just don’t care. Husband is now working from home and I just feel disgusting around him.

he tries to pep talk me. It makes me want to scream. Then that doesn’t work so he ignores me.

[Aaronsis]

Well I mean them Lilith16

I am here for you, to listen, to share and to let you know you are heard, you matter and I am proud of you.

Sarah xx

[Fiatlux]

I really admire your courage to seek help.

This is proof that you are a wonderful mother. You want to be there for your children. That’s what matters.

I get that sinking feeling. I understand it and have experienced it.

I never had the courage or the support to seek help when my own children were younger.

What I do know is that there were so many mums in my circle who suffered in silence.

I had one mum admit to me that after dropping her child to school, she would go home and spend the day in bed until school pickup time. Another admitted that she went home and consoled herself with wine.

You are not alone, but you are brave to seek help.

You will come through this.

Until the 15th hang in there, help is on it’s way.

[Lilith16]

Thank you so much Fiatlux. It does make a huge difference to not feel alone.

[Petal22]

Sorry Lilith16,

it must be a very hard condition to go through.....

I hope your treatment helps you, hang in there...

[Lilith16]

Thank you.

[A_B]

Understand you are not alone!

What you are going through is just where you are at right now and does not in anyway define you as a person or as a Mum. It is always difficult as a mum when we feel we are not doing our job well. But also know that in order to feel like a 'poor mum' and the fact that you are willing to get help means that actually you are totally the opposite. That really you are super resilient, awesome and brave. Just remember as a mum we only have to be good enough and not super human. From time to time we cannot give what we would like but that is also okay as we are only human.

Also recognise that sometimes partners actually want to help but just don't know what they need to do as they are a bit out of their depth.

Take the time to support yourself in anyway. I know those energy reserves feel low atm and how tough this feels. But just know you can do this!

[Lilith16]

Thank you. I try to remember that the fact that I keep fighting means I’m a good mum. I put them first always, although they may not see it that way. But the demons of depression are very good at making me feel broken and useless.
thank you for your kind words.

at the moment I’m taking one day at a time and getting there 💙