Hi Niks85
I feel for you so deeply as you face some serious life changing challenges.
I always find it astounding when I think about how many of us are not raised all that well in the art of 'switching or adding channels'. At times it's kind of like having a channel switched off with no obvious channel to switch onto. It's like you can have this amazing channel which features happiness, inspiration, friendship etc and then, BAMM, you're left with nothing or so it seems. Like you, I'm a mum who's switched on when it comes to recognising that amazing channel known as 'My child'. For me, it's plural (daughter 18 and son 15). Through my channel or connection with them, I have discovered the best in myself, just waiting to be found. I believe, I most likely would never have found the best in myself if it wasn't for them. In some ways, they've led me to leave depression behind me. Kids are incredibly powerful people, highly underrated.
I believe you're already totally switched onto your own natural therapist. A natural therapist tends to do some of their best work in nature. I imagine your daughter will thrive in the country. I imagine she'll point out every single butterfly she sees, perhaps some you would miss on your own. I imagine she'll be your aromatherapist, insisting you smell every flower she spots. She may insist you both wonder under the stars at night together and/or catch the early morning song of the birds. She may also insist you go with or trust your feelings and travel back to the city on occasion, just to get a dose of that channel you love. She may even teach you to be more demanding. Imagine saying to your husband 'I'm going for an overnight trip to the city, for my mental health and to reconnect'. If he says 'No, you can't', you may simply say 'Oh, yes I can!' My kids have taught me to be more rebellious over the years, which does trigger my husband on occasion 🙂 They've led me to love being me.
Wondering if you feel things changed with your husband about a year ago, partly due to your divided attention. When once he got all your attention, now your daughter's receiving some of that attention. I believe mum's naturally change and grow with their kids, partly due to so much time together and partly due to having no choice but to change. When partners stay the same, it's kind of like you're evolving and your partner's not, which can create a sense of distance.
Give your little therapist a hug as she guides you in various ways 🙂
