How do you keep on trying

[Maureen]

I've been reading the various posts on BB forum and am gobsmacked at how so many of you keep on trying to get better. I'm currently going through my 3rd episode of major depression and anxiety, over a year now. This episode just came out of the blue and has hit so hard I  haven't been able to work for the past year. I'm on my 4th anti depressant and finally one seems to be helping. I don't spend the day crying on the couch. I can sometimes get out in the garden, sew, cook. But... I can't seem to do what I should to help myself get better.

I've tried 3 psychologists this time without finding one to assist. I know I should keep going but am so sick of telling my story I can't be bothered, I find it mortifying that I am this way, and that I always cry telling my story. I know I should stop binge eating sugary foods, but can't. I know I should exercise but I don't. I know I should join social groups (I live alone and have a few friends who aren't available often for socialising), but I don't. Also socially phobic.

How do you keep trying? How do you remain hopeful that it will get better? Although I have found a bit of peace, it doesn't feel real, like I'm just hiding or postponing the bad bits.

[geoff]

dear Maureen, I'm so sorry that you haven't found a psychologist who you can relate to, and many times this happens, because some of them want to counsel you their own way, instead of relating to how the person actually feels, so in other words, the psychologist has to be flexible and resourceful in their techniques and not stick the same routine every time, and to find a psych who can manage this is not easy.

Depression can hit anyone without any warning, so you open a door feeling well and then walk through it and bang depression could just happen that easily.

It is possible for people suffering to do some gardening, sewing and cooking, but you only feel as though you need to do it rather than for the love of doing it, because continually every moment you are thinking about 'why has it happened' or ' boy I feel lousy' and many other sayings.

I used to do the cooking for my family because my wife (ex) worked until late and our two sons and probably one of their mates had to be fed, I just felt compelled to do it and it certainly didn't make me overcome my depression and feeling horrible, even though I put on that fake brave smiling face appearing that everything was fine.

MY psychologist always said that I should exercise, go for a walk as it's a great remedy for depression, and with a lot of people this can work but for me I couldn't have cared one bit and didn't do anything, but asI've said a lot of people join a gym and find it to be good for themselves while being there, but as soon as they get home it's back to how they felt before.

I wonder if you could click on 'Get Support' and scroll down 'to find a professional' where there will be a list of professionals who are aligned with BB and specialise with mental health issues, or alternatively ring the BB phone number which is at the top and speak to them.

You can't keep on 'hiding or postponing the bad bits', because you won't be able to satisfy yourself that you have your depression under control, sure you might be able to do it with people that are around you, but that's only pretending, and in the long run it won't help you overcome depression.

Interesting comment so I hope you can get back to us. Geoff. x

[White_Rose]

Dear Maureen

Hello and welcome to Beyond Blue. Well done for writing in here. Many people read the posts on this forum but do not write here because it can be hard and often confronting. We are all broken and need the help and support of each other, so keep posting.

Have you spoken with your GP? I ask because you mention trying three psychologists but not how you chose them. In my experience your GP will have a good idea of the best help available in your area. I know my GP is quite particular who she refers me to for any specialist help. She has commented in the past there are specialists she would not refer anyone to.

Also you may need the help of a psychiatrist. It's taken me a long time to find out the difference between these people. It's more than one being a doctor and able to prescribe medication. Psychologists tend to focus on strategies for getting well while psychiatrists take a more overall view of the situation and provide support from a larger perspective. It finally made sense to me. So perhaps it would be worthwhile to chat to your GP about a referral to a psychiatrist as your depression keeps returning.

Often seeing both a psychiatrist and psychologist is beneficial. One manages the overall situation and the other gives situational support.

I understand about constantly telling your story. It becomes so mechanical that it feels as though you have lost all the meaning. And sometimes retelling can be useful as you gradually lose the sting of your hurt. But it's probably not the best way to go.

I am discovering that a change of diet is really helping me. Sweets are out and I do struggle with this. It's not a weight loss thing. Sugar gives you a high which goes quite quickly and then you need another. It really is a drug and you do get addicted. So if you can manage the withdrawal part for a short time you may find it makes a disproportionate difference. Just a thought.

I hope you continue to write in here. I look forward to knowing more about you.

Mary

Mary

[white knight]

Hi Maureen

Good advice from those posters above.

Recent research has found that fighting the depression cycle only prolongs it and you should try to allow it to run its course. Easier said than done I suppose like a lot of things about depression.

For some of us its a case of...when we can, we dust ourselves off and get back to the fight. Rebounding is in our nature for some. It is in me for sure. If it isn't in you then psych's are more advantageous.

A couple of articles I wrote in the past might help out and give you some reading- Google the following-

Topic: depression, a ship on the high seas- beyondblue

Topic: Is crying good or bad for you- beyondblue

Topic: depression, is there any positive- beyondblue

Topic: meltdown, back to basics- beyondblue

Topic: What life can be like at the end of the tunnel - beyondblue

Good luck

Tony WK

[Maureen]

Thank you all for responding to my post. You've all mentioned good points that I will consider. With regards to your statements, I am seeing a public health psychiatrist who is helping with the drugs, and just the drugs. I live in canberra where there are no private psychiatrists who are taking on new patients. The psychiatrist I am seeing is wonderful but over worked with very limited time to assist. I'm lucky to have gotten in to see her as I couldn't now afford a private psychiatrist anyway.

I have just changed GPs as she had just moved to town and doesn't know the local specialists. She also doesn't have experience with mental health or potentially useful drugs so kept saying she couldn't help and I needed to talk to psychiatrist. New gp has additional training in psychology, hypnotherapy, acupuncture and believes in integrative medicine so I am hoping she will be a better fit.

The psychiatrist believes this episode came about after my poor body was put through the ringer. I have had thyroid issues for 10 years, finally having it removed 3 years ago, then I hit menopause. As these hormones greatly affect brain chemistry, they believe my body said I give up, bingo non stop crying. There is also a hereditary aspect for my depression, my mother, and brother and sister all suffer from depression.

I really am in awe of the positive attitudes expressed (i know strange wording for a depression forum) on this forum in relation to everyone suffering, but they're still doing things to get better. To be feeling so badly but still finding the energy and motivation to get off their backsides and try, I applaud you. Now please tell me your secrets so I may achieve this mindset as well. Thank you all for your assistance. Maureen

[geoff]

dear Maureen, it can become annoying when we have to keep telling our story to so many different people, but if you can write down and then print your concerns then you can just hand over a copy to whoever you want to see, otherwise what can happen is that we lose sight of something which we really wanted to say to them and once we leave their office that particular thought comes to light, but it's then too late until we see them again. Geoff. x

[White_Rose]

Dear Maureen

Good news about your GP. It seems sad that, in a world where mental illness is so common, a GP can say they have no experience in this area. So it's great you have found someone who can help you.

I don't know much about thyroid problems but I understand they can have a huge effect on mental health, especially depression. I presume you are now taking medication to replace your thyroid function. Menopause if also a big trigger for depression. I have not had experience of this but I had something similar when I was prescribed medication after treatment for breast cancer. It truly was horrible, and although I stopped taking it, the effects lasted for many months.

My GP also believes in using as many resources as necessary. I am so grateful she takes so much care of me. I think this is one of the reasons for retaining motivation. It's the knowledge that my GP and others care enough about me to help as much as possible and to be willing to allow me to be part of the treatment. What I mean by that is I am not told what to do and if I cannot manage one part she will go elsewhere, so to speak. It's not a case of one size fits all. You may find this with your new GP when you get to know each other better.

It's also good you are happy with your psychiatrist. Do you think it would help if you also saw a psychologist? This new doctor may be able to refer you to a good psych. As the psychiatrist and psychologist work in different ways this may be a great benefit for you. Check it out with your doctor.

Please understand that we are not always so upbeat about our various difficulties. Like you I have cried and cried, got angry because of the unfairness of it all, cut myself off from people at times and a whole lot of other behaviours that in retrospect I feel very bad about. It's not easy and certainly not edifying at times.

So how do I keep going? I was told once by a colleague that I was a terrier. She was talking about my attitude to injustice but it also applies to my depression. I need to keep on going despite my many setbacks because the alternative is unacceptable. I don't want to die because I cannot cope with my hurt, so I have to find ways of coping. And this is where I need my support people. We all need this support in our lives, regardless of any health problems, because we all hurt at time and need comfort. We are part of this group of beings called humans and we need to affirm ourselves and others by holding hands at times.

Out of words.

Mary

[Maureen]

Thanks for responding Mary. Unfortunately I've fallen down the rabbit hole again which I had hoped the new drugs had fixed, oh silly me, and getting bad side effects. I am so negative again. Don't want to waste my time and money finding a new psychologist, my new doctor can't see me for 10 days. My sister is coming from overseas for what I thought was a holiday but I now find out it is to fix me. My fault, made the mistake of asking for advice as the brain doesn't really work. Very worried I'll crack it when she starts fixing me. I don't take well to being told what to do by family, or more specifically their know everything spouses. Looks like work is giving up on me returning and is going to set a date for a fit for duty review, which there is no way I'll pass. Money has run out, need to sell the house. Yup, totally negative. 

May I say that the only thing that keeps me going, is I have 2 dogs and 2 cats. They need me. I need them.

[Guest_1055]

Hey Maureen

I just want to give you a hug, in hope you will feel not so alone in all this storm. I know what it is like to get stuck in that negative mode, where you just don't see anything good. I am glad you have 2 dogs and 2 cats though. That is way good.....

You asked what the secret is to getting better. Not sure if there is one, but writing in here on Beyond Blue is one of the things that has helped me, because you start to soon feel and experience that you are indeed not alone. You can connect to people in some way. 

I have to agree with Mary in regards to the sugar thing, for I have experienced that in my own life. Once your body is free from the addictive sugar, sometimes your emotions can be  more calmer. But yeah.... it is hard to break, especially if you are eating for comfort or trying to fill that empty space inside your very soul with food. But it is not impossible.....

Anyway what are they names of your dogs and cats? I really like cats and use to have a little black one. She was my only friend at one time. So maybe that is a bit like you? The only one I could love and the only one that loved me unconditionally back. Pets are way good.....

I hope you feel now that you are not alone, for like everyone else I truly care. 

With hugs

Shelley xx

[Maureen]

Thank you so much Shelley Anne for your hugs and words of advice. Getting off sugar would be wonderful. Have eaten it excessively for a long time. I keep thinking when I feel better ill get off it. Hmmm!

I have a cocker spaniel, Sheldon, cavalier, Leroy, black cat Toby and ginger cat Billy. I've always had cats. These ones are brilliant. Before becoming elderly they always had something to say. They are always on my knee or tucked into my hip. I got the dogs to force myself to get out of the house. They get walked every day and often an afternoon trip to the dog park. I always feel sorry for them though as beyond that, they just sleep beside me. Just cause I have difficulty doing anything but sit on the couch, they should have someone a bit more interesting to live with.

Even though I didn't sleep much last night I feel it will be a better day today. Fingers crossed. I hope you have a good day too.