Hi everyone, I'm back.

Guest_4643 · ‎17-11-2020

Hi everyone, mb20lover here. I wasn't sure where to post this.

It's been a while since I was on the forums, so I just wanted to make a post saying that I'm back. However, I'll try my best to limit my time, comments, etc on here.

I won't bother tagging anyone, and I'll try to keep this as my only open thread that I have created.

I've missed everyone I've spoken to on here, and I hope to talk to some new people. I have been using my offline supports - my Psychiatrist, GP, Parent support of course, and a Social Worker. I'm in the process of finding a Psychologist but I'm having no luck.

Anyway, I just wanted to pop in and say hello, and also I hope I haven't upset anyone on the forums or anything like that because nothing was intentional, so I deeply apologise.

An update on me, I recently turned 21, can't do much with COVID though, it's a hard year for everyone unfortunately.

I also have a milestone, an achievement, I've been seeing my Psychiatrist for a year which is the longest I've stayed with a therapist. And I also finally have a GP I feel comfortable with. I'm on different meds that seem to be working a little but I still of course have my moments, but these meds I've been on the longest for out of any of the ones I've tried.

Other than that, please don't feel pressured to comment anyone, although it would be nice to connect with some people, old or new, but like I said that's okay. I just wanted to check in.

If you've read this and made it this far, thank you. Stay safe and take care everyone, as much as possible with the unfortunate COVID circumstances.

Thinking of all the Beyond Blue Mods & Users. I've missed everyone.

- mb20lover.

Matchy69 · ‎25-11-2020

Yes Jstar the year 11s finish this week.My son will finish in 2 weeks and he's in year 3.

Guest_4643 · ‎25-11-2020

Thank you Jstar & Mark.

The Social Worker is doing all she can, I appreciate her help nonetheless. But I understand where you're coming from. I just don't know anymore. I feel like cancelling my Psychiatrist appointment anyway.

It's ok Mark, I understand.

Jstar49 · ‎25-11-2020

Hey Tayla,

You sound very understanding about your social worker. Yet I can also hear in other posts that you seem to be feeling frustrated and perhaps even angry with the situation. That's understandable. It sounds very frustrating!

You have the right to access adequate and appropriate healthcare. I think you know that.

You sound like an intelligent, proactive young woman who has gone through a lot. I don't think you're crazy. I believe you. Trust yourself and what you know is right. Please continue to ask for what you need. Hang in there!. PS One tip I came across for dealing with nightmares was to rewrite the ending. I have done this once, with recurring nightmares, and it helped. Maybe it's about taking your power back (you said you felt like it wasn't in your control).

The other thing I found which is probably relevant is if it's due to a change in medication to see your GP about it. You probably know that tho.

Sweet dreams,

J*

Guest_4643 · ‎25-11-2020

Thanks for understanding Jstar.

i'll have a think tomorrow and ask the Social Worker if she has any suggestions and what she can help me with.

I did mention to my Psychiatrist that I've had nightmares before I started taking meds, but when I started taking them, it's been worse and more frequent, especially on my current meds. However, these meds seem to be working a little, I've been on them a few months I think, so the longest of them all. I stopped taking previous ones because of side effects, but maybe I should've kept taking them. I don't really want to take a new one. I'll discuss this with my Psychiatrist again when I see him.

I have to email someone at the Telehealth company i see him on to contact him between sessions because I don't have contact details for him, I wish I did, but I respect his privacy, etc. I want to ask but don't want to sound push yet and invade.

I sent an email today asking if there's another med I can take for nightmares instead of the one he wants me to take which is for BLD pressure, I'll just write that. But it's known to be successful and effective, in veterans especially.

Oh on another note, I'm listening to Pearl Jam, their MTV Unplugged CD, does anyone like them? I always have, but I'm listening to them more lately. This CD is amazing, sounds just like the albums, probably better. Eddie Vedder is so attractive, especially back in the day, lol.

I like my time alone in my bedroom every night but i also don't.

Jstar49 · ‎25-11-2020

Hey T,

Sounds like a plan. Tell us how you go!

You're not alone with the Eddie Vedder thing- he's a bit of an old fart now tho lol! Ahh the beauty of youth!

I've put the album on my playlist for tomorrow-maybe it will inspire me!

Glad you like listening to music- next to gardening it's the best for my moods. Whichever mood I'm in lol. The song "your gona love this" by Omens is probably my most memorable mood music- another story for another time.

Hugs,

J*

Matchy69 · ‎26-11-2020

Hi Tayla I just say I am thinking of you I hope that your social worker can help you.I just put a load of washing on and wait for that to finish and then hang it out and head into town with my daughter and I will give her a driving lesson.

Tark care,

Your friend,

Mark.

Guest_1643 · ‎26-11-2020

Hey Tayla,

The only thing I could suggest is if you go to the GP or Psychiatrist to possibly take an advocate with u - a parent, relative etc. .

I would be very firm in telling the GP that you find the pressure damaging, and I really think you could need an advocate to help you. Some of the stuff that has been said to you, re making things up etc - is not okay. They should be held accountable because if they put more pressure on you that's just fair. You deserve better.

Guest_1643 · ‎26-11-2020

I was also just wandering - if someone says you are making things up - think it would cause less long term pain for u if you cleared up what they were saying straight away - very firm
"No, people generally don't pretend to have trauma"
"Yes I answered the K10 honestly and I don't appreciate being questioned about it because it makes me feel much worse and isn't healthy for me."

I was insulted by an ignorant worker myself and I had to get help from a psychologist how to stand up to her. I had to stand up to her many times and she was the only therapist availale to me (I was an inpatient in the hopsital). She said some crazy things about me - every time I asked her a question about something - she put me down and insulted my character." It was so tiring, I had to complain to and about her all the time.
But when I left the hopsital I was not traumatised as I would otherwise have been because putting her in her place helped me. Horrible treatment should be called out.

Guest_4643 · ‎26-11-2020

Hey Jstar.

Agreed about Eddie Vedder, lol. I have my appointment today at 3pm. Hope you like the album.

Hey Mark.

Thank you, have fun with your Daughter. I need to start driving lessons too but I'm way too anxious.

Hey Sleepy.

Hmm I'm not sure about an advocate, but good idea I guess. My parents give me my privacy when I see my Psychiatrist on Telehealth and the GP in person. My Psychiatrist is in another state. Do you have any advice on how to tell them I don't like the pressure please? In the past, I've said "I'm trying so hard and I don't think you and my psychiatrist understand that and how difficult it is. You two keep pressuring me and I don't like it." Then they just keep telling me to get one, so the same stuff. I know they're trying to help but it's getting annoying and I should be able to choose if I want to see one or not, right? I tell them I've had very bad traumatic experiences with the ones I've seen and don't wish to see another one. I only had one good Psychologist in 2014, 2015 or whatever, but he closed down his practice and I have no way of contacting him, because I've tried.

I have complained about what has been said to me, for example I told my Psychiatrist about the person who said I was faking it, and then they called my Psychiatrist which I actually never gave the man permission to do. My Psychiatrist was angry with this person and said that they were rude to him also, and he said he doesn't condone that behaviour and how dare you say that. So atleast he stood up for me.

I'm sorry to hear you've been insulted too, it's not ok in any circumstance whether it's mental health or not.

Guest_1643 · ‎26-11-2020

Hey Tayla,

Generally it's great to say how you're feeling to get heard however in this circumstance I would advise being more clear with the boundary.
Firm. "I have made extensive efforts to find a psychologist and found it wasn't possible. -

Then - not just that you don't like it and that it's making you stressed - but take it further to say - It has made me feel anxious, hopeless, upset... and (if there are any tangible outcomes that are negative list those)... like this is negtaive for my mental health because.... and I'd even use the word, damaging - I find it damaging.

The fact that they keep insisting you keep looking means they're not hearing you - you have to be very firm.
Having privacy is good but a trusted advocate can help that you don't leave the session with things unclear - i was just suggesting for one session or even with the gp - you are only 21 and they have put too much pressure on u given your age and the resources where you live, in my opinion.