Hi everyone, I'm back.

[Guest_4643]

Hi everyone, mb20lover here. I wasn't sure where to post this.

It's been a while since I was on the forums, so I just wanted to make a post saying that I'm back. However, I'll try my best to limit my time, comments, etc on here.

I won't bother tagging anyone, and I'll try to keep this as my only open thread that I have created.

I've missed everyone I've spoken to on here, and I hope to talk to some new people. I have been using my offline supports - my Psychiatrist, GP, Parent support of course, and a Social Worker. I'm in the process of finding a Psychologist but I'm having no luck.

Anyway, I just wanted to pop in and say hello, and also I hope I haven't upset anyone on the forums or anything like that because nothing was intentional, so I deeply apologise.

An update on me, I recently turned 21, can't do much with COVID though, it's a hard year for everyone unfortunately.

I also have a milestone, an achievement, I've been seeing my Psychiatrist for a year which is the longest I've stayed with a therapist. And I also finally have a GP I feel comfortable with. I'm on different meds that seem to be working a little but I still of course have my moments, but these meds I've been on the longest for out of any of the ones I've tried.

Other than that, please don't feel pressured to comment anyone, although it would be nice to connect with some people, old or new, but like I said that's okay. I just wanted to check in.

If you've read this and made it this far, thank you. Stay safe and take care everyone, as much as possible with the unfortunate COVID circumstances.

Thinking of all the Beyond Blue Mods & Users. I've missed everyone.

- mb20lover.

[Guest_4643]

I don't like books and I've already read a self help book and it didn't help.

I'm not sure what to say to your reply. I have a lot of things going on, it's not that easy to change. Some things are out of my control. And it's not that easy to go after it.

[Guest_4643]

Your comment made me upset MM, I know you were trying to help but still. I felt pushed away.

Also as I said in my comment above.

[monkey_magic]

Hey mb20lover,

I re-read my post and it came from a light- hearted, inspirational place.

It's probably hard to truely connect with you because I don't know you in person or how you would react.

My post was intended to give U a boost or lift but it was taken in a different way. It wasn't intended to make U feel upset or pushed away.

I hope U can feel better now knowing that my intention is to I guess help you.

But it didn't work and that's ok.

Anyhow hope things improve for you or that the things you really want happen for you.

Good vibes

[Guest_4643]

Sorry I took it the wrong way MM. I guess I just misunderstood you too. My apologies.

Hopefully no one's judging me and thinking and saying hurtful things on and off here.

[Jstar49]

Hi Tayla, hi all,

MM wrote "Really have a think about what you want and need in your life and go after it."

This is so powerful, empowering and does work. Good point MM!

Tayla I can hear that things are difficult for you right now, and it seems like you feel you don't have much choice or power to make change. Sometimes when we feel stuck it can be really difficult to change anything, or to even dare to hope that things could be different.

I encourage you to hope Tayla.

I encourage you to ask yourself what you want, and then work out how you can get that, with support if need be. From little things big things grow- start small, and work your way up to bigger things.

Hugs,

J*

[Croix]

Dear Mb20lover~

First off I can relate, you said

"I have a lot of things going on, it's not that easy to change. Some
things are out of my control. And it's not that easy to go after it."

You are so right, and looking for the outside wihtout experience people simply do not understand.

No nobody is judging you except to see you as someone with a hard row to hoe handed to you by life and are coping

That's pretty good.

MM is a kind person I've known for many years and would never say anything to hurt you, she has been though too much herself not to understand. Reading text based posts is never easy and giving something an unintended interpretation happens quite often.

I read the forum widely and know nobody has ever said anything negative about you -you are ok.

Croix

[Guest_4643]

Hi.

MM, I'm sorry I took what you said the wrong way, got upset and misunderstood. Please accept my apologies. I'm just in a dark place and I can't even get hold of my GP or Psychiatrist. Can't see my Psychiatrist until March. GP barely helps, even for physical pain I have.

Sorry again MM, J and Croix too.

[monkey_magic]

Hi mb20lover,

A lot of us here have been in that dark place so we understand.

It's hard to put one foot in front of the other so I'm sure what I said could have been taken as insensitive or like I misunderstood. I understand more now though.

When I was in that dark place I barely left the house and in my mind had huge reasons to be in that place.

I think I had resentment and felt betrayed and if I was asked to do one thing it would feel like a mountainous task.

Sometimes you just have to be in the moment until U have a bit if oomph to get something done. So yeah I do remember how hard and stuck I felt. I still get like that now. For example I have a few things I could have done by now but am putting them off.

It does help to talk to someone for sure. I had a psychologist I would C and felt better after offloading. Now I offload to lifeline. Or here. Definitely better out than in.

I hope U still feel comfortable to share what U r going through. Do whatever helps you. You are important.

[Matchy69]

Hi Tayla I was just thinking about you and wondering if you ever thought of doing a course online.I know your on a DSP but can do study and maby do something you would enjoy.It dosnt have to be a long course or anything major.It is just a suggestion and know how hard it is for you.
Take care,
Mark.

[Guest_4643]

I can't afford that Mark, and I don't know what I want to do. Even on the DSP it's still expensive. I don't have the mental capacity and concentration to do a course or something anyway.