Hi everyone, I'm back.

[Guest_4643]

Hi everyone, mb20lover here. I wasn't sure where to post this.

It's been a while since I was on the forums, so I just wanted to make a post saying that I'm back. However, I'll try my best to limit my time, comments, etc on here.

I won't bother tagging anyone, and I'll try to keep this as my only open thread that I have created.

I've missed everyone I've spoken to on here, and I hope to talk to some new people. I have been using my offline supports - my Psychiatrist, GP, Parent support of course, and a Social Worker. I'm in the process of finding a Psychologist but I'm having no luck.

Anyway, I just wanted to pop in and say hello, and also I hope I haven't upset anyone on the forums or anything like that because nothing was intentional, so I deeply apologise.

An update on me, I recently turned 21, can't do much with COVID though, it's a hard year for everyone unfortunately.

I also have a milestone, an achievement, I've been seeing my Psychiatrist for a year which is the longest I've stayed with a therapist. And I also finally have a GP I feel comfortable with. I'm on different meds that seem to be working a little but I still of course have my moments, but these meds I've been on the longest for out of any of the ones I've tried.

Other than that, please don't feel pressured to comment anyone, although it would be nice to connect with some people, old or new, but like I said that's okay. I just wanted to check in.

If you've read this and made it this far, thank you. Stay safe and take care everyone, as much as possible with the unfortunate COVID circumstances.

Thinking of all the Beyond Blue Mods & Users. I've missed everyone.

- mb20lover.

[Guest_4643]

my thread seems really quiet lately, with me the only one posting. and i don't go on here much anymore. that makes me sad and alone. sigh.

[Guest_4643]

I only have my Psychiatrist again, no other professional help, and that's once a month. i don't have anyone to talk to, my parents can only do so much and they're not sure what to do but they try.

i don't have any friends, never have, in person especially, or family. i always get jealous and triggered, like i am right now, when people post photos with their friends and family. i feel like they do it deliberately.

and it's like people don't want to be seen with me, because no one wants to take photos & post them or anything with me. i know i'm ugly & whatnot but that really hurts.

i guess i'll just crawl back into my shell & keep staying in my bedroom like i have been for months, apart from when i go for a walk.

[Ggrand]

Hello Tayla....🤗..

Tayla, I’m sorry that you’re feeling sad and lonely..I did call in last night but after I hadn’t heard from you in over an hour..I went to bed....

Please don’t crawl back into your shell..Talk here anytime you feel up to it...sometimes when it’s busy your post might get pushed back to the second page and your friends here might not see it....

Like you dear Tayla.....I get upset when I see happy families on line....I could never give that to my children...nor did I have a happy childhood....I turn my thinking around and feel very happy for the family in the pictures I see...I don’t want any family to be unhappy....Maybe that’s your depression/anxiety making you believe that they are posting happy pictures to upset you...I think they are posting them for keepsakes or for other people they are close to can see them..

Maybe cut down your time on Facebook if that’s where you’re seeing these pictures that upset you...

Please try hard not to compare yourself with anyone at all...there will always be people happier then you and also people sadder then you...We have to try to live our own life, the best we can....and stay true to ourselves..

Talk here lovely Tayla...we are listening and trying to support you the best we can...

Much love and a hug or two dear Tayla...

Grandy..

[Guest_4643]

thank you.

seems like everyone is just avoiding me.

[Jstar49]

Hi Tayla,

I've been reading along, when I come on the forums, but I haven't really felt I have much to offer. I don't want to offend you, or push you AT all, (or maybe I do want to give you a little nudge lol)

BUT

it seems like you have some great support here, and loads of suggestions, lots of things ppl are trying/have tried, which have helped them. My question is, have you tried anything new lately? And if so, what was it, and how did it feel?

New things are not usually comfortable, and may not work, esp not straight away, but, You've got to be in it to win it! Risk it for the biscuit! And all that cheesy stuff.

I know you've said you've tried everything. Well, I'm a mum, and when my kids tell me they've looked everywhere, I tell them they obviously haven't becos they haven't found it yet.

Don't stop searching Tayla, keep trying. Keep looking. Seek and you shall find. Whatever it is you need. A way through. A new friend. A better ability to communicate your needs....

Hugs,

J*

[Guest_4643]

I have tried the suggestions people here and professionals have told me about, but some of them aren't in my area, & some I can't do (hospitals, groups, etc. It's beyond me as to why I can't).

I haven't left the house for months, apart from going for a walk, or I might go down the shops to get some food, that's it. I haven't even gone to see the Doctors, I don't really care about anything & I've just been hiding away. It's all I know.

I don't see the point of waking up - I have nowhere to be, no one to see. I've always struggled with friends. I try to be respectful to people, try to find interest in what they like, and just a good friend, but it seems impossible. I don't really have social skills. I've been told I need some sort of therapy for it but no one (professionals) will give it to me. I just keep getting let down Psychologists wise.

My original GP is still away, clearly doesn't care about his patients, been away since April. My Psychiatrist is quite annoyed with that too. I can't get in to see another GP for a few weeks.

I've never had a friend, let alone a best friend, and I never will. I try to be positive, it is difficult, but I do try. I've tried all the suggestions that I can.

I just want to hide away in my shell, curl up & not be here anymore.

[Jstar49]

What do you want Tayla?

No need to reply here, but what do you want?

perhaps, if you dare to dream it, picture it, give it a name and an identity, you can bring it into being. You will need help, but you already have these forums (and some very supportive people) and your professionals. Even if they're not doing the best job. Maybe they can do better, with more knowledge.

J*

[Guest_4643]

Just one family member (other than my parents), and just one friend, i'd be happier. I've tried to talk to both my parents family but none of them are interested. My Uncle, so Mums brother, hates me just because I was born. And all the others on both sides just hate me. I've always been kind to them all. And I only have a Psychiatrist, he's the only professional i have. he's been the only helpful and caring one.

[Ggrand]

Hello Dear Tayla...🤗..

I am just wondering if maybe your being kind to your family members and making one jealous of the other with your kindness...I am and I suppose I always will be a people pleaser...but sometimes being kind always to family members or friends gives them the idea that your desperate to be liked...if they see your kindness this way...they know that by saying mean and/or unkind things to you, that you wont retaliate by standing up for yourself...standing up for yourself (not in a mean or nasty way)..just in a way that shows them that you respect yourself and your not going to let them treat you that way....Could be the same with your friends...idk..

My neighbour used to be mean to me..just once I stood up for myself..I told her she scares me, by the way she talks to me and her extremely bad language and controlling ways..now we are doing okay, and often she calls me over for a cuppa....

Tayla sweetheart....Show these mean and nasty people that you respect yourself and you won’t let them treat you like they are....I know you can do it....have faith in yourself lovely Tayla...

My kindest thoughts with my care and a hug...

Grandy..

[Guest_4643]

why is nobody ever around on here or in general when i want someone to talk to, whether it's general discussion or to vent? i'm so alone.

those American "friends" (online) i've mentioned before are ignoring me but can post all the time. 2 of them even bragged about going to 2 concerts in 2 days & we're back in lockdown. lockdown doesn't affect me much since i'm pretty housebound anyway (but when i do go out i wear a mask) but the past few months i haven't left the house at all except to get food/groceries or go for a walk.

sigh.