Hi everyone, I'm back.

[Guest_4643]

Hi everyone, mb20lover here. I wasn't sure where to post this.

It's been a while since I was on the forums, so I just wanted to make a post saying that I'm back. However, I'll try my best to limit my time, comments, etc on here.

I won't bother tagging anyone, and I'll try to keep this as my only open thread that I have created.

I've missed everyone I've spoken to on here, and I hope to talk to some new people. I have been using my offline supports - my Psychiatrist, GP, Parent support of course, and a Social Worker. I'm in the process of finding a Psychologist but I'm having no luck.

Anyway, I just wanted to pop in and say hello, and also I hope I haven't upset anyone on the forums or anything like that because nothing was intentional, so I deeply apologise.

An update on me, I recently turned 21, can't do much with COVID though, it's a hard year for everyone unfortunately.

I also have a milestone, an achievement, I've been seeing my Psychiatrist for a year which is the longest I've stayed with a therapist. And I also finally have a GP I feel comfortable with. I'm on different meds that seem to be working a little but I still of course have my moments, but these meds I've been on the longest for out of any of the ones I've tried.

Other than that, please don't feel pressured to comment anyone, although it would be nice to connect with some people, old or new, but like I said that's okay. I just wanted to check in.

If you've read this and made it this far, thank you. Stay safe and take care everyone, as much as possible with the unfortunate COVID circumstances.

Thinking of all the Beyond Blue Mods & Users. I've missed everyone.

- mb20lover.

[Matchy69]

Hi Tayla I am sorry that your pychologist didn't work out for you.It can be hard finding someone who you connect with and helps. Trying to find the right medication can be such a difficult thing and can feel like you are going around in circles going back on your original ones.I am sorry you are still feeling very depressed and for you to know we are here for you and you can put down your thoughts here.

Take care,

Mark.

[Guest_1643]

hey Tayla, psychologists can be so hit and miss, but good to know now if that person wasn't suitable. Sorry u didn't get the help u needed. I prefer clincal socil workers to psychologists, i like the way they can link ppl in to other services, and they don't focus as much on diagnoses. I've also had bad experiences with psychologists generally, but have seen one in hospital that was pretty exceptional. There are some and some, i guess.

It can be disappointing when something doesn't work, so hope ur feeling okay and managing during this tough time. Sorry ur struggling.

[Guest_4643]

hi again.

i haven't seen the social worker for months, because i haven't wanted to go anywhere. she can't help me much & doesn't know other people i can see. i guess i'm just a lost cause because that's how i've been made to feel, like nobody can & wants to help me.

my GP is still away, he's been away since April. i understand that grieving is different for everybody but i think it's ridiculous how long he's been away, definitely shows he doesn't care about his patients. even my Psychiatrist was shocked that he still hasn't come back to work. my Psychiatrist has only gone away before COVID when he went overseas for Christmas & he was still concerned about me because i was suicidal (this was back in 2019), & he saw me the day he came back & was worried.

i just don't have a purpose. i haven't been doing my bladder exerices for a while now because they hurt too much (idk if they're meant to do that), i haven't gotten ultrasounds or urine tests again. i'm barely leaving the house, i don't leave it much but i've just been housebound even more. i'm used to it. there's nothing at all for me to do here except walk which i already do.

even when i walk, no one says hello, they just walk away from me, before COVID too. it just makes me sad. i'm really depressed & i can't even go to see my GP.

i did see 2 different GPs instead, the male one was nice but i can't see him because he has too many patients. the female one was nice too but she kept me waiting over 20 mins & i haven't seen her since because i can't be bothered.

i have no life, i'm a failure. i haven't achieved nothing, i have no purpose, no friends, no family. i'm worthless & everything else bad.

i wish i wasn't here. i just feel suicidal lately. my sleeping pattern is awful - sleeping too much, staying up late & sleeping in late. i know it's bad but i've just lost all interest & motivation. i don't see the point of waking up.

i'm just miserable. i don't have anybody to talk to. helplines don't help me. i only see my Psychiatrist once a month & even then i don't get to say or ask everything, because it's only 20-30 mins & it goes by quickly.

i give up with Psychologists. everyone just lets me down. i'm told i need therapy like DBT but no one will do it for me, a therapist i mean. i've tried.

i miss my grandparents & my bird (can't remember the date & year he passed away, 2014 i think? idk) so much lately. the cemetary for my grandparents is 3 hours away. i feel really bad & guilty.

i wish i wasn't here, sigh

[Sophie_M]

Dear mb20lover,
 
We’re really sorry to hear that you feel your support team isn’t providing you with the assistance you need at this time. It must be incredibly frustrating to not have that consistency that you need with your supports. Especially when it sounds like you have been trying so hard to re-connect with them and find the right therapy which works for you.
 
You’ve mentioned before in your post that you feel that support lines don’t help, however we have reached out to you privately to see what additional support we can offer you.
 
We are glad you are here and are reaching out to tell your story.

[Guest_1643]

hi tayla,

a few things i think of that might assist in ur sistuaton

-case management

- outpatient groups at the private or public hospitals

-the HOPE program which gives you 3 months of support, run in all hospitals in Victoria

- free phone counselling via BlueKnot foundation

- free counselling with a continued counsellor at SuicideLine

- art therapy groups

- a women's service/centre. U can call Wire Woman if you live in melbourne -t hey are the best! they have tonnes of resources or suggestions and a free phone line

- PARC or Y-parc, your Psych can refer you

- DBt can be done in groups - very effectively, perhaps ur psych knows of access to a DBT group, or the local hospital. There is an organisation called Spectrum which offers free courses and treatments such as DBT

thats all I've got but hope some of those sound intriguing 🙂 hope u feel better soon.

[Katyonthehamsterwheel]

Hi Tayla

I struggle finding people to talk to as well. I recently started attending a GROW group. Have you heard of them? It’s a mental health support group. They’re Australia wide but they also have groups that meet online if there isn’t one nearby. I’ve only been to a couple but it’s been nice to connect in with other people that are also experiencing challenges with MH issues. I don’t know if it’s something that you feel might be right for you, but thought I’d mention it.

It’s hard when you feel like you’re lacking purpose. I try to find random things I can do on my own so I feel like I’ve got things to look forward to. I have roller skates, my bike, a kite, which are all great options when the weather is nice, piles of books, I just conquered minesweeper (online game), I’m growing peas… just all stuff to keep busy. Do you have hobbies/interests? Or something you might like to have a go at?

Thinking of you, Katy

[Matchy69]

Hi Tayla I am sorry that you are still struggling so much.I can see you tried so hard and that would be so frustrating for you and makes your mental health worst.Keep fighting you are worth it.When I was your age I was struggling so bad with depression and grieving and my mental health.I shut myself away in my bedroom and hardly left it.I adventurally took some steps and started slowly going out.I use to go to the river and sit there for a few hours and watch the boats.No one talked to me and that's ok.Then I made the biggest decision in my life to move out of home and buy my own house.I ended up over an hour away from home and it was tough at first.I use to get my mother to bring me groceries but I slowly ventured out of the house and started getting my own groceries and things and it was so hard at first but I did it and slowly got easier and gave me more confidence.Adventurally after about 5 years living there met someone got married and had children and I thought that would have been completely impossible for me but I did manage it by doing things completely out of my comfort zone.Keep trying Tayla your life can improve.

Tske care,

Mark.

[amberlite]

Hi mb20, I read your post and it seemed to me that you are looking outside of yourself for validation, when if you look inwards you will find, that all that truly matters is your own self validation. If your home a lot maybe read up on self awareness. I know your a young person and self awareness can be pretty heavy topic but it is never to soon to try and understand all it has to offer. Tayla it is really awesome and has helped me learn how to manage my emotions which has expanded my world. Best wishes to you

[Guest_4643]

I don't really come on this forum anymore.

Sophie - I got your emails, thanks.

please be aware that I live in a regional town, and I have tried many things, some of those things suggested. I can't go to hospital or even a hospital program because the triage is extremely rude and unhelpful. my Psychiatrist is aware of this.

there are none of those therapy groups here, and normal groups for just things like sewing, they reject me, even before COVID. i don't know why. i have mentioned all of this before. if i could get into something then i would give it a go. it's not my fault people reject me for no reason.

no i don't really have any hobbies. i've been talking to a friend who owns her small business interstate, watching comedies, joined groups for those comedies and talking to people on there. it's helping a bit but i'm still very depressed.

the women's centre here only have doctors for physical health issues. they do have a Psychologist, i tried to see her before COVID but was also told no. it's beyond me why i can't.

i have asked about GROW too but am also rejected. this is before COVID also. this stuff is making me more and more housebound, and just sleeping, barely eating, etc.

my Psychiatrist is very annoyed with my GP for being away since April, and that he doesn't care about his patients and would rather travel and post photos about it. i understand grief is different for everybody but that's ridiculous and extremely arrogant. my Psychiatrist, parents and interstate friend agree with that. i will just see the female doctor I saw & not my original one. he wrote something down when I was mentioning it after my recent session with him, so idk what will come of that. he's been the only one that's been helpful, professional wise.

i am pretty self aware, lots of people have told me that. validation is hard. i guess that's all i have to say right now. i'm not in a good mindframe and i'm out of it. and like i said i don't really come on here anymore.

[Guest_1643]

hi tayla, my post was a typo, wire women is available for all of victoria, and i kept that in mind when writing it, as well as affordable/free options. No worries if not good for u - maybefor another reader? just my experience.. Good luck 🙂