Fragmented

[indigo22]

Hi everyone,

Today I need to get some feedback from the community. This is a pretty heavy conversation so I hope it doesn't trigger anyone. Most days I am stable with my depression but I feel I am just going through the motions a lot of the time. I still can't seem to manage the day to day stuff and I don't seem to care. I have been isolating for many years so when covid hit, it didn't change anything for me personally. I am more comfortable with animals than humans, that is not because I am anti social, I just think I have been hurt too often by humans.

I feel like with every loss, every betrayal, every negative experience, I lost a piece of myself and now there are so many pieces missing that I sometimes wonder if the little that is left is worth the effort. Can anyone relate to this feeling?

I have always been a sensitive creative person and sang for most of my life along with crafts, making jewellery, in fact I have tried my hand at a great many creative things. But I lost interest in all the things that used to light me up when I went into a state of chronic depression about 12 years ago and haven't been able to get the spark back. I miss that person but I don't know how to find her. All feedback will be greatly appreciated.

indigo22

[indigo22]

Hi Eagle Ray & dig,

Sorry I left it so long, have been feeling pretty low this past week, sort of wrung out.

I have had to put my little girl on steroids which I didn't want to do but nothing else was easing her symptoms. She's only been on them a couple of days but she does seem to be breathing a little easier so will just have to wait and see over the next few days.

The appointment went well and we connected well I think. So she is a psychotherapist (not a psychologist) with trauma training in several modalities like somatic experiencing. But she is also a medium, so maybe I should be calling her a psychictherapist 😀. She has a gentle and caring nature and I think we should work well together. I am planning to see her once a month for the time being, she's definitely going to have her work cut out for her seeing me.

I hope you have both been keeping well and not getting up to too much mischief.😇

indigo

[Eagle Ray]

Dear Indigo (and Dig),

I'm so glad your therapy session went well and you feel like you will be able to work well together. That's cool that she is a medium too. I was actually listening to a podcast on grief today. The episode I chose to listen to was with a woman who is a medium. I've had some profound experiences which I won't try to tell here, but based on what I've experienced I'm very open to other realms, spirit, whatever you want to call it. It gives a whole other dimension to healing and for me is a key component of the healing process. It sounds like this is true for you also, so it is good you have a therapist on the same page. I've found that the somatic and the spiritual can actually work together quite synergistically in the healing process. My psychologist is open to these things too so I can communicate with her about these things.

I hope your little girl keeps improving with her breathing over the next few days. I know it can be quite exhausting worrying about them. I am doing ok. I had a few days of not feeling too good but feeling better today. Overall I know I'm improving and moving in a healing trajectory. I haven't been too mischievous (hee hee!).

Take care both,

ER

[indigo22]

Hi ER & dig,

I am going to ask the Mod Squad to move this post to "long term support over the journey" as it would seem a more appropriate place for it now. That would then free up the depression thread so this doesn't end up at the top of the topics every time we post to each other.

Hope that's ok with you both, I am unsure if you will need to re-follow the post in the new location or if your current follow will move with it.

ER - I would love to hear more about your experiences with spirit if/when you feel comfortable sharing some of them, I find that stuff really interesting.

Thank you both for your ongoing support 😊

indigo

[Eagle Ray]

Dear Indigo and Dig,

Indigo, I get moving the post to Long Term Support Over the Journey. I have a thread in this section with a lot of posts from a while ago and if I ever went back to it I think I’d ask Mod to do the same so  it didn’t keep appearing among the new depression posts of people looking for support.

Perhaps I can share experiences with spirit etc when your post shifts so I’m not taking up more space in this section. It’s so nice to chat with you and Dig as we seem to have similar experiences and are drawn to similar healing paths.

Thank you for your conversation and support too 😊

[divine_inner_goddess]

HI Indigo & Eagle Ray, 

I was so glad to see that the session with your therapist went well Indigo. Sounds like a really good fit. I like the term 'psychictherapist', haha. And I hope your cat is feeling better on the steroids. 

I'm not sure how it all works with the discussions in the long-term thread, as I am only a relatively new member. I hope I will be able to access the conversation when it moves. If I have any problems I will contact the mods. 

I am going pretty well at the moment. A few health things are clearing up, so I have a little bit more energy to get out and about. I saw some live music on Saturday night with a couple of friends which I really enjoyed. I actually felt joy!! It feels sooooooo good, when you haven't experienced that feeling much for a while. 

Take Care, 

dig

[indigo22]

Hi dig & ER,

Joy!! What's that? Oh I seem to remember feeling something like that many moons ago.

So glad you had a good time and glad to hear some of your health issues are improving.

To access the thread I am talking about is easy - hit the Forums button at the top of the page and scroll down almost to the bottom of the different categories and you will see it, it's accessible to everyone like the other categories, like I said though, you may need to re-follow as I'm not sure how that part of it works when it's moved.

My little one seems a bit better, hasn't been coughing but her breathing is still a bit faster than it should be, hopefully that will settle with a bit more time. They said that increase in appetite is a side effect and she is eating like a horse. Trying to give her the tablet has been a major stress out for both of us, but I found the solution today (keep this in mind for future reference dig). I bought some cat treat tuna puree and have been putting it on the back of my hand and she licks it off, today I put the tablet under a big blob and she licked it off along with the puree (it's only a small tablet). Yay, one win for indigo 😉

Take care both,

indigo

[Eagle Ray]

Hello dear Indigo,

 I hope you don’t mind me resurrecting this thread which I just managed to find. I just wanted to check in and see if you are ok and how you are going? Only reply if you want to and feel like it. I hope you have a restful and peaceful time over the Christmas and New Year period.

Sending best wishes,

Eagle Ray