Trying to work when you have mental health issues.

[Angel65]

I come from a domestic violence background and have suffered from depression, anxiety, Complex PTSD and recently burnout. I have no energy or motivation and I have to keep working and have this constant pressure to keep pushing.  If I don’t work I will end up homeless and have no car which will only make my life even more stressful. I don’t see the point in being here anymore have no friends not because I can’t make them but I have trust issues so I isolate. Everything takes massive effort and I feel no joy just numb and want to roll up into the fetal position. I think it’s accumulation of years of trying to manage my mental health and I’ve lost the ability to cope. I’m so tired I’ve tried medication and it makes no difference for me and just makes it worse as the side effects were so bad. I have lost hope of ever feeling human again.

[randomxx]

Hi op and sorry about the situation.

But ldk , workings a weird thing. A few yrs back l wrote a post like yours l just felt l couldn't work any more, couldn't push any more, try any more, cope any more butttt,  l've had no choice.

For me it had been the hardest 10yrs of my life, following not an easy 15yrs prior to that either but the stressors and m health even just getting through the last 10, surreal. Burn out on top of it.

Strange though in my thread a lot of people talked about how still working actually helped them and l've had to keep going to like yourself just no choice butttt, l think it's helped me too.

lt's actually been my therapy and go to place tbh, the one place l don't think about life and worries and MH bc l have to think about the work and it does me good tbh.

Mind you , plenty of times to l wished l could just drop and l'll be able to soon now butttt , over all in a way it got me through tbh.

Food for thought.

Good luck.

rx

[randomxx]

With other things , friends , life, well. l just don't have any energy for people tbh and just as well bc l moved here 8yrs ago to stay close to my daughter and hoped l'd like it too but have yet to make even one friend anyway.

Life in general well , if l don't push myself l could easily disappear into my room for ever. Sooo, l do try bc l know where l'll be if l don't l spose so l try to get out and go places l'll enjoy the beach or up to our main town, drive somewhere bc l do love driving at least , just try to stay in there you know or be around people.

All that sort of helps to bc l'd just stop if l didn't, but sometimes l do think well to hell with it all, why not just stop it's all forcing myself anyway .

ldk , all that side of things is a personal thing l suppose but l know what l need so if l don't at least a bit, well.

rx

[Angel65]

I can understand what your saying about work being distracting I think because Im so switched off from life I can’t do my job well anymore. I too would just sit and do nothing and stare into space. I see you have changed where you live but I am ok where I am at present. I think the work side of things is more difficult as the people I support have worse issues than me so need to be on the ball and put this mask on everyday. I have my own business so I have some control over things I couldn’t do an ordinary job as Im too up and down mentally. My family don’t understand my issues and tend to say all the wrong things to me making me worse. Telling someone to stop stressing out or calm down does not work or help me but they keep doing it so I stay away. Thinking that I will spend the rest of my life like this just gives me nothing to look forward too it’s an uphill battle everyday. I think liking to go for a drive is at least a change of scenery.

[therising]

Hi Angel65

I think if certain challenges are about pushing us to develop and evolve, there definitely comes a point where the thought can be 'I just can't do this anymore. I'm done with developing and evolving. It's just become too much hard and exhausting work'. There can definitely also be times where we can be left thinking 'If this is about developing and evolving through certain challenges, I have zero idea what the hell this challenge is about. I'm not sure it's even a challenge. To me it just feels like a form of torture'. What's even worse is when a lot of the challenges faced come about through no fault of our own. When they're brought about by others or circumstances beyond our control.

I feel for you so deeply as you face so many challenges all at once, including

• The mental and physical exhaustion that can be felt through working so hard and so consistently when it comes to trying to manage your mental wellbeing. Wondering whether seeing a GP to explain things might help. Not talking about one who diagnoses 'Life's tough sometimes, especially when we've got a lot going on'. I can say that kind of GP is useless and a waste of time and money, based on my own experience. One who seriously considers the need for blood tests, for a start, or the need to consider chronic fatigue issues (given how chronically fatigued the body's systems can become under ongoing stress) is more so the kind of GP you'd want to be working with. A seriously open minded one
• The need to establish a circle of people as a support system can be a massive challenge at times because it involves 1)knowing exactly which kinds of people to include in that circle and 2)going about finding them. When friends are a must have in that circle of support, guidance and inspiration and there can be challenges like with trust issues, we're a bit of an introvert, we lack confidence in making friends or we're just different from most etc, gathering the right friends can feel like an almost impossible task. As a 53yo gal, I haven't felt the deep need to make friends for a good few decades but now that I'm intensely feeling that need I'm left thinking 'How the heck do I do it?'. I'm a major introvert with some social anxiety issues and questionable self esteem. In this case, the challenges feel like they're expanding as there's a need to develop skills and abilities in a number of different areas

While life may appear simple to others in some cases, with them simply insisting we 'Just go visit a doctor' or 'Just make new friends', it's not necessarily all that straight forward. Whether it involves serious self esteem issues, major mental health challenges, having to get rid of old beliefs (such as 'Don't challenge or push a doctor to open their mind'), developing our emotional intelligence (EQ) when it comes to who we can trust and who we can't etc etc, we remain a work in progress. A sometimes seriously exhausted work but an impressive work nonetheless. Wondering whether it's possible for you to take paid leave at the moment, even if it's just to catch your breath. Whether you take it as annual leave or sick leave, doesn't matter. I figure, how exhausted and unwell do we have to become before circumstances dictate we have no choice but to take sick leave?

[randomxx]

Hi there op.

Although l've moved a lot , far too much , this one was for my d following divorce but l'd hoped l'd maybe want to stay later on too it's complicated. l have liked living here though too and in ways it;s helped me through but l won't be staying.

l've got my own business to work from home have 30 yrs l've just started up again ea time with any moves but it's outside and l set up a workshop it's hands on so getting out and to work has helped me, l couldn't do some other ordinary job though either. l work alone apart from customers but with yours and needing to support other people yeah, different kettle of fish for sure,

My d has had some huge problems and my gf of 5yrs has too, huge and also very complicated, and so l've had to support both right through as well as myself though so so that's about all there was in the tank and then some but in many ways they've both helped me too so. The gf isn't working out though unfortunately after all that , admittedly as much my own problems as anything though tbh.

But for you and having to support in your actual work yeah, it must be asking a lot. Family yeah , they have no clue what l've been through no way they'd even comprehend but l think as we get older there's only so much any family even have anyway as they all have their own lives and problems too so l don't expect or ask anything there. The few times l have has been thrown back in my face anyway later so to hell with that these days.

rx

[Angel65]

Hi there,

I have my own business which adds to the pressure as you have to do everything right or you get into trouble and I could lose clients if I take extended leave. I’m very much into growth as a person and I’m quite spiritual but feel the universe has deserted me. I have a great Gp who I wouldn’t have got through without but I feel I’ve disappointed her as I never seem to get better. I’ve taken some time off here and there and forced myself to go away but my hearts not really in it. The joy has definitely been sucked out of me apathy is the word used to have things I really loved doing but don’t feel any excitement towards any of my hobbies now. I thank you very much for your reply it’s good to hear others perspectives and it gives me things to ponder and think about and I certainly can relate. 

[therising]

Hi Angel65

I find the spiritual perspective to be a fascinating one. I think it's because in some ways it simplifies the behaviour of energy. While chemistry and biology speak about complex energy in the way of dopamine, serotonin, endorphines, receptors, transmitters, b12, iron and all that kind of stuff and in psychology or psychiatry it's partly about neural pathways, ways of thinking and things along those lines, in spirituality it can be more straight forward. For example, inspiration is something you feel or you don't. Either someone is being inspirational enough or they're not. It's about the type of inspiration or the dose/s needed in order to relate and feel a difference. It can take a year and 1,499 different forms of inspiration before you can feel number 1,500, the one that blows your mind. It's the only one in a long line that finally resonates. Of course, I'm a realist. I've felt some depressing chemical imbalances in the past like with sleep apnea and a serious b12 deficiency, so I can relate to the importance of a diagnosis and treatment thanks to modern medicine.

From a simple perspective, one of my biggest triggers for depression is a depressing lack of energy in pretty much any form. 'What's led to a depressing lack of energy?' becomes the question. When the lack is depressing enough, it's tough to tap into the kind of stuff that simply comes to mind, from out of the blue (the natural solutions to challenges). Very different when there's loads of energy. Things can come in thick and fast, such as 'You're run down, you need a break' or you suddenly get visions (through your imagination) of yourself  trekking to Fiji and sunning yourself on the beach', which appears as the next best adventure. In a low energy state, all that seems to come to mind is the kind of dialogue that can dictate 'You're hopeless and you're never going to get better' and the visions can all be about worst case scenarios or perhaps there's no vision at all. Finding a hearer who can hear the best dialogue for us and let us in on what that sounds like or finding a seer who sees the best direction we need to head in is about finding a 'surrogate', someone who can do what we can't seem to do for a period of time for whatever reasons. I suppose a very simple way of putting it is, in spiritual terms...we're not broken, we just don't have enough energy with which to hear and see things.