Following the breadcrumbs to improve mental health

[indigo22]

Hi everyone,

The last few months have been somewhat confusing as I have discovered more about my mental / physical health and how it has all been connected. I had not put the pieces together, I am not sure why, it seems so obvious now.

I have dealt with Dysthymia since about 12 and Major Depression since about 14 but was not diagnosed until my 40s and had no idea that had been the problem all along. I knew I wasn't like everyone else but thought I was just born that way. Back then mental health was not a subject that was openly discussed and the signs mostly went unrecognised and untreated. I had about 10 years of talk therapy with a social worker that helped immensely.

I have had a sensitive digestive system for a good portion of my life, not so much that I sought treatment, just things like indigestion with certain foods, bloating and the like. I suppose I thought everyone had those types of issues.

I have also had nervous system reactions over the past 15 years, like involuntary shaking in certain situations, that I had put down to getting older and being less resilient having been through a lot of difficult challenges.

I have been seeing a psychotherapist who also does somatic work (turns out you were right mmmekitty, I did need some more help). The first session of somatic work, in this case EFT (tapping), brought up a deep and long standing belief that I did not deserve to be helped. The emotions were buried so deep that I was not even aware of them. After that session things went haywire physically for a few days and took some weeks to start to settle.

Being the type of person who needs to have an understanding of what is happening and why, I have been reading many books on the symptoms I have had. That is when I began to join the dots about how interconnected by mental and physical health actually were. It has required a lot of processing on my part, and an acknowledgement of what I have been consciously unaware of, but it has been necessary to finding a way forward. This will be an ongoing journey as new symptoms show up that need to be looked at.

I know now that there is a lot of unreleased trauma in my body that is a contributing factor in not healing mentally or physically and I know now what needs to be done to improve. There is only so much that the medical profession can do, I believe the rest of the responsibility lies with us in digging deeper to find the causes and the answers. In many ways, that in itself becomes empowering.

Take care all.

indigo

[Eagle Ray]

Hello Croix and indigo,

indigo, I think Croix may be teasing you about roses being "potted" 🤔 I had to take some strong pain medication for a migraine today that left me feeling "potted". I certainly fell into the "do not drive a motor vehicle or use machinery" category. In fact, I had a nice recovery time lying in the sun on a camping mat in the backyard. It was the best way to recover. I consistently find it easier to recover from migraines if I lie somewhere outdoors in nature compared to if I am lying in a bed indoors. It makes a remarkable difference for me in relation to health things in general most of the time. I do take care not to get sunburnt of course and had a hat to cover my face. As there has been sunny weather here there were a lot of large King Skinks in my backyard, but fortunately none of them decided to use me as a "rock" to sit on, even though I could hear them scuffling about. I once had a Southern Emu-wren land on my elbow while resting by the river who I'm quite sure thought I was a branch or bit of tree.

I'm rambling away here (probably still under the influence of my meds 😂). May you both have a peaceful sleep tonight 😴

Hugs,

ER

[Croix]

Dear ER - with a wave to Indigo~

Feel free to ramble on, it can sometimes bring fresh ideas to the fore, makes life interesting.

You are quite right "potted" is slang for inebriated, or under the influence of alcohol &/or drugs. One could say for example "potted kiwis" though I think "inebriated" sounds better.

Taking meds during the day that have that effect can be a bit of a nuisance, the ones I take at night have a mild effect along those lines and I do tend to worry how I'd cope if there was an emergency

From what I can remember being in nature has always had a beneficial effect for you , not only mentally but physically too. I think I'd be intrigued if a king skink came to rest on me, that wren sounds delightful.

Indigo, after that first negative session did you find subsequent EFT sessions helpful? I'd be just as happy not remembering some of the causes (probably an unhealthy way to look at things:(

Croix

[Eagle Ray]

Hello Croix and indigo,

There’s actually a whole family of King Skinks and a big daddy one who has no fear and comes out and basks right next to me while I’m hanging out the washing. Once a magpie landed on the lawn and he charged at it at full bore and scared it away. He lifted up his whole body and puffed out his chest to make himself look bigger. So it’s him I’m probably a bit worried about crawling on me, but the others would probably be a curious and intriguing thing if they decided I was something to climb on. I have held a few reptiles in my time including a Blue Tongue Lizard, Carpet Python and Stimson’s Python. I do really like them actually but I know not to mess with Big Daddy in my backyard 😂  Do you have a menagerie in your backyard too indigo? I’ve got possums, parrots, wrens, honeyeaters, thornbills, kookaburras, magpies, king skinks, bobtail lizards and occasional quendas (bandicoots). I also sometimes have kangaroos on the lawn at the front. I know you have the possums Croix and I think you have the wrens too from memory.

May you both have a lovely day ahead 🌼☀️

Hugs,

ER

[indigo22]

Hi ER (👋 Croix),

Yes, I'm afraid Croix and I take it in turns teasing each other, I reckon it was my turn to cop some teasing.

So all the roses are done for now and have repotted a couple of native hibiscus that were outgrowing their pots. Need to do the same with the Jasmines later in the the week. I have an appointment with the Podiatrist tomorrow and a phone appointment with my doctor to see how my levels are, had blood drawn last week. So I thought since I have caught up on a few things, I better get stuck into some washing. But all that did was add another item to my to-do list as the floor was all wet when I went back to my washing. Those blasted rats have obviously chewed a hole in the hose like the mice did one time with the dishwasher. I can't seem to catch a break at the moment.

I meant to tell you last time I posted that when my blood and urine was checked for the kidneys, everything was normal, so must have just been an off day the previous time.

You have put me to shame as I have lots of birds here, but I don't know their names. The only one I know for sure is the magpies (I adore that warbling sound they sing) but I hear them more that see them. Around December of each year we get an influx of yellow crested and pink crested cockatoos along with a very generous helping of grey galahs. They fly over my house just before dusk and make the loudest racket chatting with each other, they are all talking at once so who knows how they can understand each other. I have a plant called Erica which is an apricot heath that one particular type of bird loves when it is in flower, they are all over it eating the nectar. It is a bit larger than the sparrows and is brown with streaks of yellow, not sure what that one is called. We get fairy wrens around here but I rarely see one, they are so beautiful. I saw a willy wagtail on the fence one day, they are pretty cute. There are some that are black with a reddish beak, but I don't think they are crows, they seem a bit smaller that a crow. They spend a lot of time picking things out of the grass. No kangaroos but I do get koalas, one was in a tree in the backyard a week or so ago. The first time I heard one, I thought it very weird until I realised it was a koala. Other than that, I have no idea what else is lurking in my yard. I am absolutely not a fan of reptiles so if a snake showed up, I would be in full flight swearing to myself 😅.

Big Daddy sounds like one you would not choose to trifle with, a bit like a cat with it's territory.

I do hope you have been feeling better since we last spoke, sorry it's been a while, but I know you understand.

I hope you are also improving Croix.

Sweet dreams both of you.

Hugs,

indigo 💜

[Eagle Ray]

Dear indigo,

I’m glad you got your roses potted and the native hibiscus too. I love native hibiscus. There’s some nice purple and white ones growing on my street. My roses are bushing up after their last prune and I have a giant yellow one that’s flowering. I’ve never seen such a big rose before. It must be all the rain we’ve had I’m guessing. I have a jasmine too. Mine seriously overtakes other things and I have to go out now and then and release other plants from its grip with my secateurs. It smells beautiful though. My orange tree is producing more flowers at the moment along with fruit and the orange blossom fragrance is just beautiful.

I enjoyed hearing about your various birds and I’m so excited you had a koala in your tree 🐨😀 It is such a novel concept to me as there are no koalas in WA. I’ve only seen them in wildlife parks. You have left me curious about the black bird with the orange beak. I’ll probably be trying to identify them now.

I’m glad your more recent tests were normal. It sounds like maybe your energy is coming back a bit. I hope all goes well with the podiatrist and the GP appointment. That is so frustrating about the rats! I’m guessing that means new hoses for the washing machine and hand washing for now instead 🙈 At least being spring things might dry more easily on the washing line, but it’s more labour intensive of course.

I’m doing ok. I’m gradually learning to live with a dissociative disorder I didn’t know I had until this year. It’s been strange at times but it also makes sense and it’s actually been helpful coming to see different parts of myself much more clearly as the condition has become more overt instead of covert.

It’s a beautiful day here and a lovely fresh morning. Take good care indigo and I hope you have a beautiful day 🌼🌿☀️🙏🤗💖

Hugs,

ER

[indigo22]

Hi ER,

Spring is definitely showing in the garden, along with the weeds unfortunately. They seem to grow twice as fast as the plants. My girls rose is not doing well, I suspect the Kikuyu grass is choking the roots. I brought another one and potted it, but I might also dig the original one up and see if I can bring it back to life in a pot. I had meant to sow some seeds in seedling pots during winter which I didn't get to. I have seeds for plants that attract the good bugs and keep the pests in check so will try to get to that in a week or two.

With the washing, I think I am better off using my energy to wrestle it out from it's corner and see if the hose is repairable. I was able to to do that with the dishwasher and is still holding, so fingers crossed.

Had mostly positive news on Wednesday. Iron levels are good, Zinc is improving but still a way to go, next check in 2 months. I still don't have normal energy levels so need to dig a bit deeper I think. The podiatrist said that my feet are reasonable and are not in need of a lot of support so what I have bought this year are fine. There is however a skeletal issue that I suspected, one leg is longer and getting a lot of pressure on the right heel. I suspect my hips are out and causing back aches as well. So back to the Physio to get that sorted. He also said that he thought that I may have fibromyalgia because of the tenderness I have in my shins and leg muscles. I know you have a problem with fibromyalgia, how does it affect you? If that's okay to ask.

I have had one rose bloom one one of the roses from last year with another bud yet to bloom. That first one was big too, it was too heavy for the stem and kept dropping 😄

Thankfully all the potted ones are springing to life, a couple of slower stragglers but have sprouts nonetheless. I can't wait to see them all in bloom. I would like to pick an area in back garden for a park bench with roses all around it for reading and meditating and taking in their beauty and scent. Your jasmine is one that I love the smell of but they can be hard to control. The ones I have are star jasmine which are easier to manage. My gardenia is growing well so that needs a repot as well. The native hibiscus I have are 'west coast gem' which is in flower already and a cross breed called 'aussie purple'. There are a couple more I will get eventually.

I hope you are having a lovely weekend ER.

Hugs,

indigo 💜

[Eagle Ray]

Dear indigo,

I hope you can bring your rose back to life in the pot. Until I lived here I'd never looked after roses before. I have several out the front. At the moment I have a giant yellow flower on one of them. I enjoyed reading about your recent large bloom 🌹😀. I have a few different colours among mine. I try to prune them back according to a Gardening Australia video I watched. It does seem to work in that sometimes some of them look like they are on their last legs, or even dead, and then they bush up again. I'm hoping for your rose that it stages a recovery and that it is just behaving in a bit of a dormant way at the moment.

Repairing the washing machine hose sounds like a good idea, if possible. I expect there will be YouTube videos on the topic. I've found that there is almost always a video out there demonstrating tasks I'm wanting to do. But if you've successfully repaired the dishwasher hose I expect you'll already be on top of repairs. I hope it's fixable.

I'm glad the iron is good now and the zinc improving. With the fibromyalgia, it first developed at the age of 13 for me and the most obvious shift was greatly increased tenderness in the body (especially particular tender points), pain and stiffness even from very minor exercise, and significant fatigue even from minor exertion. I went from being a very active kid who was really into long distance running, to being extremely restricted in movement and physical activity. To this day, I still get a lot of pain from sitting or being still as well. So I have a need for movement regularly but within the bounds of not overdoing it.

I can recommend books by Dr Ginevra Liptan who is a medical doctor who has fibromyalgia herself. She looks at it really comprehensively. Probably the best general book by her is The FibroManual: A Complete Fibromyalgia Treatment Guide For You and Your Doctor. That book may help you discern whether you may have fibromyalgia or not. She also has one on diet for fibromyalgia called The Fibro Food Formula written with Anna Walker.

I have found gentle and subtle therapies such as Bowen therapy to be particularly helpful for fibromyalgia. I have found physiotherapy helpful for particular injuries, but not really very helpful for fibromyalgia. A major issue is that there are fascial restrictions in fibromyalgia where, unless these are treated, working on the muscles doesn't make much difference. This is because the fascia surrounds all muscles and is distributed throughout the body in an interstitial fluid (recently identified as the interstitium). Even if muscles are worked on, if the fascia remains restricted it just constricts them again and maintains the pain and stiffness. It's only just beginning to be understood by mainstream medicine how this works, though other practitioners have been aware for some time. Approaches like Bowen therapy make gentle adjustments to the fascia which feed back into the autonomic nervous system (which is typically dysregulated in fibromyalgia) thus allowing the fascial system as a whole to release in a feedback loop. I could say much more on the topic but limited space here, but happy to answer further questions about it.

I love the sound of your park bench among the roses. That is such a beautiful idea. I know the "west coast gem" - lovely purple flowers.

Take care and have a lovely day 🌷🌱🌼

Hugs,

ER

[Eagle Ray]

Hi again indigo,

I just thought of some other aspects of fibromyalgia I have that I didn’t mention before. Those are brain fog, often termed fibro fog, and high levels of sensory sensitivity.

The brain fog for me is the loss of ability to produce clear thoughts for periods of time and it feels like I’ve got blinkers on and there is a darkness or shadow closing around my eyes. The sensory sensitivity applies to all senses. I’ve also been diagnosed with hyperacusis which is extreme sound sensitivity. Studies have shown that sensory information, including pain, are processed differently in fibromyalgia, often passing through different areas of the brain that amplify those signals. Sometimes this is called central sensitisation in fibromyalgia. Both the central and autonomic nervous systems are not working as they should and are stuck in a sensitised, hypervigilant response. People with fibromyalgia also don’t produce a dopamine response to fight pain as others do, which has been shown in neuroimaging studies, and appears linked to autonomic dysregulation as well (the vagal brake is not activating, keeping the body in a fight/flight/freeze response and preventing dopamine coming online - this is where Stephen Porges’ Polyvagal Theory is quite helpful).

Another very common symptom in fibromyalgia is IBS which frequently co-occurs with it. I know you’ve had digestive issues so that may be a link worth exploring. For me, I’ve had reflux issues on and off since I was a teenager and I have a hiatus hernia. Those symptoms are also common in fibromyalgia. Ginevra Liptan covers those things in her book and why conventional treatments for them often don’t work. You may find her advice practical and helpful if your issues are similar. I also have mitral valve prolapse which is also common in fibromyalgia and also linked with chronic autonomic dysregulation. I have chronic migraines as well - also very common with fibro but doesn’t always occur with it.

I just thought of those additional things while sitting here having my afternoon cuppa. It’s a lemon and ginger tea which I’m really enjoying. I hope you’ve had a nice day indigo ☺️🌸

[indigo22]

Hi ER,

Thank you so much for the info on fibromyalgia. I watched one of her videos on youtube and was able to find her ebook on kobo for $8.00. I am not convinced that it is part of what is going on with me, but reading her book should shed a bit more light on it so thank you for the recommendation. I also passed on the info to an old friend I used to sing with as she has fibromyalgia also.

A little bit of news. I was approached by my neighbor when I was shopping and she asked me if I wanted a cat. This was only days after I had contacted a lady in a facebook group that I belong to who is wanting to rehome a rescue cat that her dog is not playing nice with. I think it is a sign that it is time to bring some company back into my life, Guinevere has been gone for a year now and I still miss her greatly. The two cats in question are both seniors, one is a rag doll/burmese x (10 years old) and my neighbors cat is a moggie (13 years old). My neighbors cat went missing for many months and since his return does not want to be outside and is easily startled, I am guessing something happened when he was gone that frightened him. She has 3 dogs and a small child so there is a lot of noise and action in the house. She thinks he would be better suited to a quiet house now where he can feel safe and sleep where and when he wants to (which he will definitely be able to do here) and I think having another senior cat to keep him company would be good for him. She also has a younger cat (about 2 years old) who I may also bring into the mix when the older ones are settled. I am convinced he is the reincarnation of a cat I had here named Lancelot until he had a spinal embolism a few years ago. He was a real bugger and would torment Guinevere at every opportunity. I think he has come back to show me he has improved in his behaviour. He is the only cat that Guinevere didn't strongly react to when he would come by to visit, I think she sensed it the same as I do. He is still a bit naughty with his teeth and claws at times but I think I will have a better chance of taming that this time around. I need to get some things done around here beforehand so it will be probably be sometime in November before I take the seniors on. It's funny, all my cats have found their way to me in one way or another.

Also wanted to tell you a little story. During the early stages of covid lockdown, there were no cars and no people outside and I was looking out my screen door catching a few rays of sunshine that were streaming in and who should be strolling along the footpath - a koala - clearly enjoying the lack of people and cars.

There is a seal colony near here and there is a huge male that likes to hang out around town in the waterways and drags himself up on the grass to bathe in the sun. People post photos on facebook of his visits, you would not want to get too close as they can be dangerous at that size, but he seems happy as long as everyone keeps their distance. I think that boy needs to go on a strict diet, he is obviously eating more than his fair share of the spoils 😅.

I hope you are having a good week. It's been very wet here for the past couple of weeks (we even had hail last night) with an occasional sunny day. The roses seem to be happy and it saves me having to water them so often.

Hugs,

indigo 💜

[Eagle Ray]

Dear indigo,

I'm glad you were able to get a copy of the fibro book. Hopefully you don't have fibromyalgia, but even if you do resources like her book have quite a few strategies. I hope it helps your friend.

That is so interesting about the cats. I remember a neighbour's cat going missing for about 3 months and returning one day a lot skinnier. It is a mystery what has happened to them in the meantime isn't it. They will be lucky cats to have you as their new cat mum 😺💗 I'm sure they will be lovely company for you too. I'm also thinking they may be a great deterrent for rats that chew hoses. I feel happy to know you will have furry friends again. It seems like a sign you are meant to have them the way they come to you.

I recently had the sad new that Fluffy Cat who I used to look after passed away. She was 12. Fortunately she was only unwell for a short time but had something wrong with her heart. I will miss her but I feel her spirit is still here somehow. I had the best afternoon naps with her.

That is amazing having a koala going down the footpath 🐨😀 It was lovely how wildlife made a comeback during Covid lockdown. I found it amazing how the visibility became clear in places like New Delhi in India where residents were able to see the peaks of the Himalayas that are usually hidden by pollution. So many changes around the world happened.

That is so funny about the seal. We had one here who did similar things. Some people living near the beach woke up one morning to find him sleeping in their front yard 😂 I think they sometimes stop at places to moult and stay for a while.

The rain is lovely for the garden isn't it. We've had a wet winter here. I've not used the reticulation in a very long time.

I'm going ok this week - quite up and down but it's to be expected really as I'm processing a lot. I had a good session with my psychologist two days ago and the Bowen therapist yesterday. The Bowen therapy releases a lot of stuff, physically and emotionally. So you can feel temporarily a bit worse before you feel the release in your system and start to feel better. It can feel vulnerable as emotional stuff that's been stored comes out, but it's definitely beneficial.

Have a lovely weekend 😊🌺🌿

Hugs,

ER