I started university in March of last year to study visual communication, but I'm not sure if it was the right choice for me because, among other things I've struggled with over the years, I've always been terrible at writing assignments (like essays and such) and find it hard to sit down and watch lectures, take notes, pay attention, or focus.
I started last week and am currently in my second semester of a four-year bachelor's degree. I started experiencing this anxiety at the beginning of the semester. For example, I have high expectations of myself and don't want to be perceived as mediocre, but long assignments, commutes, and decent but not exceptional grades are draining my passion. In general, the people I study with see their work and how they can process and execute the work much faster than I can and produce better results. I wish I had just looked into it more and found better options before my debt escalated, but now that I'm so far along in my degree, I feel stuck behind the amount of HECS debt in a field I've lost interest in. Before my first semester ended, a few people at the university advised me to take a six-month break, but as much as I would like to, that will only cause me to fall behind and think of my friends graduating before me when I could have graduated around the same time or if I am making my parents proud at all and won't solve the problem. I want to discuss this with my friends and family, but confronting them makes me feel even more anxious because I have a fear that I know what they'll say and I won't get a satisfactory response, or it makes me realize how much of a burden this is. I'm not sure if I want to drop out and finish, in part because of the debt. Deep down, I want to make my family proud of me and not let them down. I know this is what I want to do or something similar, but the university system is challenging and stressful for someone like me. Even as I write this, I can't help but worry about how difficult it will be for me to keep up with the lengthy tasks. I felt unsatisfied with my life over my semester break since I felt like my life was the center of the university. I'm not sure if I'm losing out on life. I'm unsure of the best course of action and what to do next, such as whether it's better to take a break or keep doing something I'm beginning to despise. All I want is to be able to stop working until I'm too old to work and too exhausted to continue living. I want to be youthful, find something I am passionate about and spend time with my mates. I simply want to isolate or distance myself and put it ahead of my friends and family because I'm tired of the strain that university has put on me. To make my feelings clear. I actually love my job because it gives me a sense of purpose. I also love my life and the people in it. However, I feel like I'm wasting my time when I have to sit in front of a computer and produce, write a report, or do something else. I feel like I should just stop completing all of these assignments, lectures, and tutorials because I can find all of this knowledge online, which is what I do when I'm working on an assignment. I believe that attending uni is a waste of thousands of dollars and years of my life, only to be informed that I can use Google to find knowledge that I already know.
So, if anyone has any suggestions, please share them. It would be greatly appreciated. I appreciate you reading.
