Depression, loneliness and just existing

[Winifred15]

I am going through a hard time right now. I am 40 years old. I used marijuana to escape and took a week off work. I've left a five year relationship overnight back in February due to violence. Lost my best and only mate in a car crash a year ago in March. Lost my dog at Christmas to illness. I have been through so many ups and downs in life and I know it goes on. It's just hard to find any purpose. I have no friends. I have little contact with my parents who are over the other side of Australia anyway. I have a sister close but there's been a lot of betrayal and hurt in that relationship. I don't know how to meet friends or even if I can maintain anything right now. How do I be a friend when I don't even want to be around me.

[Sophie_M]

Hi Winifred15, Welcome to the forums, and thank you for sharing all of this, especially for your first post. That’s not always easy to do.

It sounds like you’ve been through an incredible amount in a short space of time… leaving a relationship, losing your mate, your dog, and trying to hold things together mostly on your own. Absolutely understandable that things feel heavy and hard to find purpose in right now.

What you said about not wanting to be around yourself really stood out. When you’re feeling like that, it can make everything else like meeting people or building friendships feel almost impossible. That doesn’t mean you can’t, just that right now might not be the time to put that pressure on yourself.

Sometimes it can help to take things back to smaller steps, just being around people in low-pressure ways, even if it’s brief or doesn’t lead anywhere yet. You have been dealing with a lot, and it sounds like you’re still trying to find your footing after everything that’s happened. That takes time.

If things feel too much at any point, you can reach out to the Beyond Blue Support Service on 1300 22 4636 they’re there to talk things through and you’re really welcome to keep posting here too, you don’t have to go through this on your own.

Kind regards,
Sophie M

[Winifred15]

Thank you

[Doors24]

Dear Winifred15,

After reading your post I wanted to reach out and say hello.

It is clear that you have been through an awful lot and in such a short space of time.

I can empathise with your words.

Please try to see all of the good things you are doing in your days and for yourself in spite of all this and that it shows such strength and courage in your character.

Perhaps you can ask yourself “How did I do a Good Job today?”, instead of how did I do a bad one? There will be a silent, hidden list that just needs you to focus on it to unearth it. And it will shine bright on everything you are doing. And every one of those things matter. Every one of those things show how much of a good person you are and how much you are trying.

 I often tell myself in rough moments to “Just keep swimming.” Like Dory from Finding Nemo says. Because it is true, I just need to keep going. I have to go through things to get on the otherside of them.

I hope you are able to get on the otherside of things for yourself soon, but know it is perfectly okay for it to take as long as you need it too. Or that sometimes things in our lives can permanently shift. But we find other things to fill up that space. But like everything, it will take time.

Doors24.

[Winifred15]

Thank you for your kind words and taking time to write them to me I really do appreciate them. I can see what you're saying, just keep going. That was my mindset. But I do forget to give myself credit for still keeping going. Thank you