Do not feed the monster

[Emotions26]

I am struggling to understand this website and find my way around

I have replied to some people

I think that two champions replied to my first two posts

I do not know where they are now

I have supported several posts of others

I have replied to one person I think today

I am resonating with several posts in different areas but cannot remember where they are

I am literally lost within this website as well as within myself

I am working very hard at keeping the dreaded "D" at bay which I have battled with too many times.

I have had this since young apparently

I have had large gaps of time where I am mostly symptom free I think

The monster is the dreaded "d"

It is also a relative whom I have had to relinquish her hold over me.

I have only learnt about this stuff recently so struggle talking about it.

So I think of do not feed the monster as in do not think of her. Or do not feel guilty or upset or worry or a thousand other things

Also do not feed the dreaded "d" as it lurks waiting

I will not find this piece again

[mmMekitty]

Hi Em 26

I'm just thinking: passively hearing what others say, taking it all in without examining what is being said, beyond the words, too, I mean, is so easy.

Little kids take in everything they are told about themselves.

Those thoughts & ideas, & the emotion that came with them, gets deep inside, takes up residence & before long, Eventually, we can't see they are squatters. We cannot even see they are not our own thoughts & feelings.

Comes the time when we learn about listening & what that means.

If we are fortunate we find someone who already knows what listening is & who demonstrates listening by listening to us.

Then we begin to listen to ourselves through what they have heard & reflect back to us.

Then we begin to listen to ourselves & how we talk to & about ourselves, to others in the world, & then to ourselves.

I think this is when we begin to learn about who we actually are - when we are able to hear & listen ourselves, not the dreaded 'd', not the voices from our pasts, not the 'trolls' online, not even (eventually), my own PDr, (though for now he's the most reliable source for me to hear a view which has heard something I need to have brought to my attention).

That was me thinking - thoughts I hope will be of use to you, Emotions26, or anyone reading.

Hugzies

mmMekitty

[Emotions26]

Hello all

mmm me kitty ginger cat

james1  quirky words geogg small wolf cannot remember others here.

starting to confuse the two posts that I have started and a couple of people whom I have responded to

The dreaded "d" is hovering more frequently and at closer proximity

The dreaded "d" clearly has not read about

boundary setting

recognising boundaries

respecting boundaries

the dreaded "d" needs to jump onto it's bike and just pedal furiously into the distance never to be seen felt or heard of again

If only

So I am not at my best at present to reply to you all

I want to respect all of your feelings and current states of mind also.

I will reply when I can.

I hope mm mmme kitty that you are not leaving.

I know that you are busier and have less time available

This is good for your health

Whatever your decision though it must be the best outcome for your wellbeing so thank you for being here for me in this short time that I have been on here.

Hopefully some of you will still be here when I am feeling more myself

Em26

[Emotions26]

Above post meant to include Geoff not Geogg  

[Emotions26]

I have just had a thought.

can be calamitous I know.

Every time I write a response and inevitably have to write a response for the response to explain or correct something.

Is there a moderator looking at every post that goes through??

If so they must groan when they see my efforts start to flow through.

Just a thought

[geoff]

Hello Emotions26, when you write a post the computer will pick up any words or mention of drugs that shouldn't be mentioned, but if this doesn't happen and the post is accepted, then the Moderators don't necessarily read all the posts as they don't have the time.

If someone 'reports your post or anyone's post then the Moderator will certainly read it and then decide whether or not it should be allowed or if it needs to be modified.

This is a site where all people can describe how they are feeling, that's what is was set up for and will continue to do so, so other people can help you.

Please don't worry too much because once you do then your mood will be affected.

Geoff.

Life Member.

[geoff]

Hello Emotions26, please don't worry about any spelling mistake, because I do that quite often.

It doesn't concern me.

Geoff.

Life Member.

[james1]

Hello Em26,

Thank you for your kind message and expressing your desire to respect our feelings. I understand you need a bit of space to feel more like yourself and I am glad to hear you will try to find that for yourself.

We will be here as a community to help you when you are back.

And please do not worry too much about what you post. Our main hope is that you feel safe here, and feel that you can express yourselves. There are posting rules and the moderators do check, but it's just to protect others. If anything needs to be changed, I hope you do not see it as a kind of invalidation of your experience or inconvenience on the moderators. You are always welcome here, as long as you feel it is a helpful space for you.

James

[Emotions26]

Hello mmmmm kitty me, quirkywords, Geoff, james1 and Hello Gail and anyone reading

I appreciate your messages left for me to find. I know that takes energy. Energy that we sometimes do not have much of.

It also takes time to think about how to reply to someone.

Sometimes thank you seems inadequate.

Much appreciated.

james1 I have not replied to your pets message.

Cat, bird, rabbit?

How do they all get on or do they tolerate each other; taunting each other at times?

Interesting combination.

Possibly an orchestra of sounds from the cat and bird.

Pets are precious.

Demanding and need time as well as money to care for them. They are such wonderful company though.

My cat snores so loudly. People have asked me at times during a phone call, what is that noise?

I  am teary again.

My tears that flow are a release of some of the energy which is a good thing as not being suppressed for the monster "D"  to feed off of.

Tiring and draining though.

I think that I will leave the computer be for now and go and read some of my book.

Take care all.

Em

[mmMekitty]

Hi Em26

I know the tears. They are expressions of so many emotions. I recognise some of them:

Tears of fear, tears of anger, tears of confusion,

tears of weariness, tears of hopelessness, tears of helplessness, 

tears of sadness, tears of loneliness, tears of grief, tears of loss, tears of sorrow,

tears of too much emptiness,

tears of too much fullness,

tears of having to cope when it all seems too much,

tears from being criticised, tears from being not good enough,

tears from being unwanted, tears from being rejected,

tears from abandonment,

tears from feeling unlovable ...

& then there are the tears of happiness,

& the tears of laughing until you cry,

the tears of relief, when you know someone close will be okay,

& the tears when someone cares more than you ever expect or think you are worth ...

These are all human tears.

I will never be happy with how messy these tears are.

But I can accept that I will have tears.

Big hugzies with virtual boxes of tissues

& I like how you play with my username. 😸 [LRC grins, giggling at "mmmmm kitty me"]

mmMekitty

tears of frustration 

[Emotions26]

Hello mmmm kitty. Mmmm me

Your name is very playful. I like it.

I am exhausted from starting to sort out paperwork and shredding.

I will reply properly when have energy to think.

Loved the tears thoughts and will try to add some thoughts.

Bye for now

Em26