Depression without knowing it

[Conjor88]

Theres alot been happening with me lately I think I need to see a doctor I haven't been able cope with myself I've been easy to snap at little things and go absolutely crazy when the kids don't listen or do something I don't like I just go mental, I try to hold myself back by just crying it out and breathing in and out. By the end of the day i feel so drain out and I think about things that I shouldn't be thinking about. I think im depressed without knowing it. 

[Sophie_M]

Hi Conjor88,  Welcome to the forums, we are so glad that you've taken a big step in sharing here. We hope you find some comfort in sharing here, and in hearing from the lovely community members, many of whom will be able to relate to what you’ve been through.   If you ever want to talk this through with one of the Beyond Blue counsellors, feel free to give us a call on 1300 22 4636, or reach out through Online Chat here.   Thank you for sharing this and giving this community a chance to offer you their understanding and advice. We’re here to listen and offer support, and you never know how your story might help someone else.   Kind regards,   Sophie M 

[therising]

Hi Conjor88

I'm so glad you've come here to express yourself and make sense of how you're feeling. You shouldn't be led or left to feel alone, something that can feel so unbearable at times.

Depression's an interesting thing. Sometimes we might not be able to feel our self gradually entering in, sometimes we can easily feel it and sometimes the cause can be so sudden to the point where it blindsides us. Based on my own experience, no matter how a depression comes about, I've found it tells me there are factors in my life that need my serious attention. Some factors I can come to make sense of and manage on my own and others demand I look for guidance and support.

Your idea of seeing a doctor sounds like a good start, after having started here. A GP might start with investigating through blood tests to rule out some chemical imbalances that can become surprisingly depressing (B12, iron, thyroid related etc). They might discuss the possibility of certain depressing sleep factors which can get in the way of restoring energy (not enough sleep, insomnia, sleep apnea etc). They may then offer a next level investigation that involves certain mental challenges that can feel overwhelming to the point of being anxiety inducing, exhausting and depressing. Handing that investigation over to a psychologist, through a referral, could be the next course of action.

So, with the physical and mental aspects covered, it leaves the more soulful aspect. Based on my own experience with depression, the soulful angle's one that can end up being completely left of out the investigation. Personally, I'm a gal who's a real feeler. I can feel a lack of inspiration and how soul destroying that can be in its extreme. I can feel what pure exhaustion feels like and how depressing that can become.  Can feel my inner dialogue and what runs through my imagination or what doesn't run through it. Not being able to see the way forward can be such a deeply and intensely challenging experience. I've found 'soul destroying' often relates to what's missing, that which I struggle to live without.

Often, the right answers come with the right questions. The best question to begin with is 'Why am I feeling life the way I am?'. Never doubt yourself for there are always valid reasons.