Compulsive liar, help!

[Sarah929]

Hi all!

I'm new here but my problems aren't new. I'm a compulsive liar.

i remember telling little lies when I was younger, like, if something wasn't done or forgotten my mum would say "we will just tell your dad this.." that seemed to be the easy way out for everything.

As I got older, my lying increased, more so when my parents split and my dad drank a lot and my mum cut me off to spend time with her "friend and his kids" and only wanted to spend time with me when it was convenient. I gradually worked out how to lie to my parents to get what I wanted, whether it was to get out of going to school or to play them against each other. I knew it was wrong but I wasn't getting caught so it was easy.

Then my dad found someone he wanted to spend his life with, he became a different person, but I stayed the same. I continued to lie until one day his now wife picked up on it, my dad said "she wouldn't lie" but I was. Always lying about something so that I didn't have to deal with the consequences. The thing that no one tells you is you have to remember every little lie you tell or it's going to come back and bite you on the bum and all that "perfectness" will turn to crap and stopping isn't just as easy as saying "hey I just won't lie anymore" you cannot stop yourself, the words just come out of your mouth and that's it. Another hole you've dug.

Fast forward to today, where my lies have dug me into such a deep hole I cannot get back out, I'm anxious, I can't sleep, I'm depresssed, I've lost pretty much everyone that cares about me because of the lies. Today I decided that I'm tired, I'm tired of letting everyone down. I'm tired of feeling this way. I called someone for some help. I have to fix this before my daughter picks up on it and thinks it's okay to live your life this way. It's not. Anyone who's reading this and thinking that a few little lies are okay, it's not, those little lies turn into bigger lies by the second. Then eventually your lying becomes so out of hand that even when youre telling the truth no one believes you.

Sorry for the ramble I just needed to get it off my chest. I just feel so alone because of all the lies that I'm left with no one.

thanks for reading

[MOB03]

Hi all!

I am new here and just found this forum after googling 'how to help a compulsive liar'. I read every single post so decided I would write something.

Ever since I can remember I have had issues with lying. I think it came from a place of my insecurities. I lied in primary school about what we did during the day, Id lies about what I had for breakfast and I would mainly lie when I did something wrong as a way to avoid the consequences, looking back now it has NEVER helped.

Being in high school now, there has always been an issue at least once a year surrounding a lie that I told either to a teacher to avoid punishment, to my parents, or even friends. Each time my parents would have to come into the school and sit there and listen to the lies their daughter tells. Each time I promised my parents it was the last time. I genuinely did make an effort. I tried to be honest but the little white lies that I kept telling dragged me back into the cycle. I'm so insecure in myself that I kept telling them and in the end, I've lied so much I have genuinely started to believe the lies.

Now I'm sitting here writing this a day after being caught out on a massive lie listening to my parents wonder what they are going to do. I am so unbelievably disappointed in myself that I let myself willingly get to this stage in my relationship with my parents. The trust I built up over the year has now all come tumbling back down and I don't know if this time I can fix it.

I know I have an issue and I want to do something about it and I know the first step is recognizing you have an issue but I feel like it's too late now and there is no coming back from it.

I have destroyed any relationship I had left with my parents. I went and apologized last night and their reply was 'okay'. I don't feel comfortable in the house and feel awkward now, being in isolation as well I feel myself have to top toe around the house.

If anyone has any suggestions that would be great! I need to change and I need help.

anyways, thanks for reading.

[quirkywords]

MOBO3

Welcome to the forum and thanks for writing your honest post.

You are aware you lie which is as you know a good start. If you can change the natural response to lie to a natural response to tell the truth.

I am pleased that you have opened up here and I hope by writitng it down it has helped you even in a small way.

As you have read here you are not alone.

You can be a person that tells the truth thinking,.

You can see that lying does not help and it is never too late.
You can ring the Kids Help Line (1800 55 1800)
or if you would like to write rather than talk use their web-chat facility
https://kidshelpline.com.au/get-help/webchat-counselling
They are well used to these sorts of problems and may help directly or give you alternatives.

The help line are run by trained counsellors.

Your parents will want to help you and are confused by your lies. If they see they you want help they will be supportive.

As I wrote before I used to lie at at school and it became second nature. then i would lie to cover up a lie.

This Thread has been going for awhile and you may want to start your own thread.

I used to make up stories as I didnt like who I was, i was not good at sports so I told everyone I was champion horse rider.

I realise it seems hard now and it will be difficult learning a new to cope but it can be done.

Feel free to keep posting here or starting your own post.

[Guest_49610160]

Hi all, hi quirkywords, 

I am new to this and just found this site in the same way as MOBO3. 
I am also a compulsive liar and I have gotten myself in some really bad situations because of my lying. I have recently started therapy but I am wondering if there’s any help groups / online groups for compulsive liars in aus? 
thank you 

[Algernon]

Friend,

You're "lies" seem to me your efforts to heal. You are an unusual liar. Most people lie to avoid responsibility you take it on. You are remarkable. You are a healer. You've explored one avenue, why not explore others?? You have the power to give value to this world 🙂