Rusty

[Rusty]

I am dealing with depression, anxiety and loneliness. I am working on connecting with other people and just visited a neighbour and had a nice chat and felt quite good, but I came home and began to feel lonely again. I’m curious to know if anyone has had this happen to them or felt this way and maybe some tips to overcome this?

[Psychdiaries2]

Hi Rusty,

I agree with the previous reply that it takes more effort as an adult to make connections with people and it can be harder. I see you are putting in a lot of effort which on one hand is great, but also emotionally taxing. Try and slow down a bit and go at your own pace. Along with meetups, I was going to suggest connecting with animals like perhaps visiting a farm or an animal shelter for some companionship. Lastly, there's nothing wrong with being introverted, it's not something to overcome. if you are struggling with social skills though, maybe you would like to practice in the mirror. 

Hope this makes you feel a bit better. You're always welcome here on the forums 🤗

Kind regards,

PsychDiaries

[Rusty]

Hi Psychdiaries2

Appreciate the reply. It is definitely emotionally taxing which I feel makes it harder to keep going. 
I’m not sure if I can really slow down or know how to go at my own pace. I don’t really know how to be kind to myself, it’s things like this where I’d love to have connection and friendship to talk it through, I just don’t feel like I can keep doing this on my own. On a good note, I have an appointment with my counsellor in a few days so I can work through some things.

Thanks

[Mark07a]

Im having a similar experience,  tried various meetups, toastmasters, volunteering 

Im in sydney.

[Rusty]

Although good things are happening in my life, I’m just getting so tired of going through the whole effort. I feel like I have burnt out. I just have no one to help me through these tough times. Im not really sure  how to slow down or be kind to myself. I’m unable to find any groups of interest in my community and the groups I volunteer with are great fun but I just can’t seem to connect with people. I’m just so emotional worn out l.

[white knight]

Hi, welcome

Depression can give you that burnout feeling so to be on the safe side a visit to your GP they'll assess you for that.

I see you are a volunteer at the moment, thats a good thing, but often volunteers while helping other people.. well... charity begins at home. 

To connect with others there has to be a common interest. I gauge that in a certain way. Eg I used to make and fly model planes, when some other modellers began to visit me at my home I realised a few things-

• We had a common interest
• They liked me enough to visit spontaneously
• I returned the same action

But not all interests are such that you can learn from each other eg a sport like Volleyball. If you found a friend there you wouldnt be solving your modelling problems  with volleyball so it then means its just a common interest which isnt so involved. Same with your voluntary work, lots of laughs little common interest.

A passion is something we usually find in childhood that takes us to the end of our lives. A hobby can come and go. It's rare to search for a passion, its usually in you all the time. But if you expand your interests more you're likely to find more friends.

Do you have a hobby?, passion?. 

I have two- motorcycle trikes and camping. I am soon to be doing both, I just finished building my trike and mini camper. I'll visit hotrod shows and motorcycle events. We have a caravan that is used when we both go on holidays. So building a trike or other things I've built or invented is my passion and that started way back when 6yo. A hobby is my poetry that I write for victims of crime, community pages and war veterans. And my work here at BB. So this all results in contentment. The link below will interest you.

https://forums.beyondblue.org.au/t5/staying-well/boredom-the-closed-door-to-fun/td-p/52387

Reply anytime.

TonyWK

[Psychdiaries2]

Hey there Rusty,

Thanks so much for your post. It's ok to feel how you feel right now, I know it's tough when you feel alone, but I promise you, there's so many other people going through the same thing. You're not alone and reaching out on here is a great thing to do. About self-kindness, I wanted to mention that it is often about looking at yourself in a non-judgemental way. Instead of beating yourself up mentally, you can try to reassure yourself that you're doing your best and maybe you can try to say some positive affirmations. Even mindfulness can help us to stay in the present moment and not get caught up in the negative thoughts that fill our heads. 

Keep reaching out here and volunteering. I hope you will also find people to connect with as well.

Take care,

PsychDiaries

[Rusty]

Thanks for the replies PsychDiaries and White Knight. It’s helps getting some things to try to help with feeling alone. I have found it a challenge to put things into practice particularly when it feels like there is no sudden great change for the better, but feel there is slow progress. The hard part to deal with is knowing it’s going to take time.

[white knight]

True words

When I was told I had anxiety following a panic attack in 1987, my time schedule to eliminate it wasnt thought of. It took me 22 years.

But its better as a routine. In my case muscle tensioning exercises before sleeping.

Pamper yourself. Go to a cafe and have a latte, buy yourself a small gift. Attend group therapy to help others. 

Slowing down is a concern as it can mean a manic issue. See your GP and tell them that.

TonyWK 

[Rusty]

In the last few months I’ve have been doing quite well dealing with anxiety, depression and loneliness but in the last week or so I have been starting to feel mentally worn out to the point of crying and wondering what the whole point of being strong and resilient and what’s the point of putting in the effort.

I’m sure I’ll get through this rut, I am going to catch up with my counsellor again and try to give myself time to look after myself but I am so tired of the ups and downs.