BOREDOM...the closed door to fun?

[white knight]

Depression, and I'm no expert - just a sufferer as my wife is, comes in many forms and we are all in different circumstances. That includes work, school, married, single, unemployed and the endless other differences.

What I have noticed in my last 20 years of life is the connection of being busy to less periods of depression. I've had interests in the past of vintage car restoration, gardening, building my own home and model airplanes. Clearly, the worst period of depression were during the times I was not involved in any of these interests. And when not involved I was also, among many reasons, not financially strapped enough to be involved....eg broke.

This is not including the traumatic times of broken marriages etc.

I've noticed some posters mention boredom as being their arch enemy and thought I'd make a topic out of it. So what can we do?  I feel very sorry for sufferers of depression when they have zero hobbies, zero interests in sport and even basic activities like walking or cycling. I cant conceive why anyone wouldnt like to go on a daily walk. But then I dont live their lives and we, as compassionate human beings should accept that we are all different. However, what is there to achieve on a walk?  Back to nature, fresh air, saying hello to passer bys, watching birds and the unexpected happenings.

Depression though, is a state of mind that, regardless of the listed positives, has you firstly in a mood that wont get you to even place your runners on let alone walk the 3-4 kms to make the walk worthwhile.

Ok, hobbies. I flew radio controlled model airplanes with a club. I spent countless hours building and repairing them. Flying was fun. For insurance purposes I needed to be a member of a club. The **** committee members always threw their weight around even if you didnt do wrong. The nature of the narcissist. Hence a reason I hate clubs. Very few people know how to approach a grown adult with a simple request without an authoritarian voice.

It was one of many reasons I left the hobby. But now, my interest is in motorcycles and tinkering with them, in my own shed with limited stranger contact. I'm happy as I've found the happy medium. Bit of gardening, bit of tinkering, bit of camping.

If you are bored, if you havent filled your mind with thoughts of a hobby or sport then seriously consider the change it could make. Many times when you are depressed might have been different with....mind diversion.  Hope this is of value to some.

[Mares73]

Dear White Knight thank you for providing a brilliant post. I was raised in extreme poverty & when I started school I had major adjustment issues as my mum said my dad drank all the money & I'd never had pencils or done any of the play things that kids do. I grew up with a very strong work ethic and it was drummed into me from a young age that hobbies and such were for the rich. I had a terrible time when my kids were young as I simply didn't know how or what to play with them. To this day my only Hobbie is reading & as I'm not currently working I spend most days feeling no purpose as I don't have a clue what to do except housework & I'm sure that my isolation & lack of purpose is keeping me depressed. I simply don't know what to do or where to start. I'd love to experience different things that I may enjoy but I really struggle with not knowing what to do. This ends in me being alone in the house all day with no one to talk to & feeling so lost & lacking purpose. I noticed that a lot of people discuss wishing there was a support group to attend and I've thought about how great it would be to start one in my area but again I don't know how to start. Your post really affected me. Thanks for offering your perspective-it really related to my situation. Lve Mares

[Struggler]

Hi White Knight

Interesting article indeed.  I resonate with you in that your hobbies focus on solitude and involves no other individuals.  

So often, I hear advice such as, join a club to make friends.  Go out and socialise.  I did all that in the past and put my best foot forward so to speak.  I hang round them for my husband's (ex) sake.  He could not live without socialising.  Also for my children so they would have other children to play with.  Result was very disappointing.  Now I am older I realise that I do not need so called "friends" to fulfil me or prop me up.  All the people in my past was waste of time.  I did not enjoy their company, I did not trust them, I did not like them and I had no respect for them. Am I a bad person to hold such attitude and feeling?

I live alone and my activities involve only me.  I have a garden to tend to.  Yesterday I planted seeds for winter vegetables.  I was distracted from feeling sad for at least an hour.  I also do a lot of activities in improving my home such as installing an blind on the window to keep heat in.  Anything that does not cost much.  

I guess what I am getting at is that "friends" are not the solution for feeling lonely.  We have to find other ways to occupy ourselves and not be needy and desperate.

Also, our outlook and attitude to life is shaped by our experience.  My bitter experience taught me to not like people in my real life.  

Struggler

[CrashCoyote]

Hi White Knight, Mary (xx) and Struggler,

What a great post and very much a to-each-their-own thing. I, too, have interests that keep my mind active (translation - distracted) and love them. I sometimes think I am a misanthrope because I do not crave the company of others and my "shed" would be like yours WK. Or my garden like yours, Struggler.

Mary, I know we all have had our trials but my heart aches for you when I read of your up-bringing. As a father of five, I could not imagine sending my kids to school without everything they need. Hell, I'm convinced my son gets robbed of his lunch box contents because they are so varied and yummy. 

Like you, I grew up in a house where we sometimes didn't have food. I wore second hand clothing. Never had the nice things, or went on school excursions. Wished I could have bought an ice cream at the tuck shop just once. Maybe that is what shapes us to be the parents we are.

Anyway, Mary, is volunteerism an option for you? It is generally free (apart from petrol money, I suppose) but there must be a charity for just about every interest. You like animals? The R.S.P.C.A. You like helping others? Volunteer at a soup kitchen. (They even have a website for volunteers.) You like model trains? There is no shortage of those old guys in pin striped bib and brace overalls you can spend your weekend with!

Not only are you helping by providing support to the charity, it provides the distraction that Struggler mentioned. On top of that, it has to make you feel good.

Anyway, I hope you all have a good day. It is times like this I lament the anonymity of this site, because I'd like to meet you all for a day's volunteering. I know the rules, but I still can dream!

Kind regards, John.

[vip]

Hi Whitenight totally agree I love to hit the gym to the extreme I just love it the exercise makes you feel good listening to the music encountering people yep keeping active and volunteering ect in the right places do help the depression . I also love to walk so my key to helping my depression is the exercise . Yep all that to just sitting outside in the sunshine garden watching people walk past keeps me happy as well . As for the comment struggler made yes I have hung with some people too who totally wasted my time and I was the one always making the effort not them agree 100% you only need the people in your life that you can trust even if its just 1 or 2 that's enough

[white knight]

Hi all,

Great posts there.   Strugglers comment "friends arent the solution to feeling lonely"  that hit the mark.  I've always felt otherwise but then someone like you proposes otherwise and I think a bit about it and it makes sense.

The reliance of friends is over the top for me. Time for change there. I've reduced my FB friends from 180 to 45. But there is more to do.  Retreat? not really. More like a reality check. And why not?  We cant all be social animals. We cant all be comfortable with the company of other people.

I read somewhere that "foot in mouth" was common in people with ADHD. And when depressed some will at times, say things they dont realise they are saying. Those with anxiety shake and sweat at the thought of replying when they are frightened to answer thereby risking muttering the wrong thing.

The rule of percentages comes to play. The less human contact the less risk. The more activities alone or with someone trusted the greater the satisfaction. So the less hurt.

This sounds so negative. How do you make it sound better?  We are talking about a better way to survive in society albeit on the fringes. The alternative is full on socialisation. If one allows that to occur, going against your natural tide then its likely unnatural but more than that it could cause a great level of guilt when awkward moments begin to build. Counterproductive?

Thats my view anyway. Hope I made sense.

[JessF]

I thought I'd revive this thread because I'm reading an interesting book at the moment called "Boredom A Lively History" by Peter Toohey. It has a quote in it along the lines of 'boredom is to disgust as annoyance is to anger'. It puts forward that boredom is a mild form of sickness or nausea, hence the saying 'I feel fed up'.

Often we feel sick because we have had too much of something. Too much to eat, too much to drink... perhaps boredom is similar? Do anything over and over, and it becomes predictable, dull. Perhaps the feeling of boredom is like pain, a signal from your brain to either stop doing something or to make changes.

[white knight]

Hi JessF

And what comes to mind the number of members here that mention they are bored in their job? If boredom = pain then thats many hours of pain each hour/day/weeks in a row with reprieve only from weekends.

[JessF]

This might be an interesting one for people to try - it's called the Boredom Proneness Scale (BPS). You'll need a paper and pen. You score 1 to 7 on each statement. 1 is highly disagree, 7 highly agree, 4 is neutral. Add up the total you get at the end. The higher the score, the more prone to boredom you are. Apparently the average scores for this test are between 80 and 120. I got 79.

1. It is easy for me to concentrate on my activities.

2. Frequently when I am working I find myself worrying about other things.

3. Time always seems to be passing slowly.

4. I often find myself at "loose ends", not knowing what to do.

5. I am often trapped in situations where I have to do meaningless things.

6. Having to look at someone's home movies or travel slides bores me tremendously.

7. I have projects in mind all the time, things to do.

8. I find it easy to entertain myself.

9. Many things I have to do are repetitive and monotonous.

10. It takes more stimulation to get me going than most people.

11. I get a kick out of most things I do.

12. I am seldom excited about my work.

13. In any situation I can usually find something to do or see to keep me interested.

14. Much of the time I just sit around doing nothing.

15. I am good at waiting patiently.

16. I often find myself with nothing to do, time on my hands.

17. In situations where I have to wait, such as a line I get very restless.

18. I often wake up with a new idea.

19. It would be very hard for me to find a job that is exciting enough.

20. I would like more challenging things to do in life.

21. I feel that I am working below my abilities most of the time.

22. Many people would say that I am a creative or imaginative person.

23. I have so many interests, I don't have time to do everything.

24. Among my friends, I am the one who keeps doing something the longest.

25. Unless I am doing something exciting, even dangerous, I feel half-dead and dull.

26. It takes a lot of change and variety to keep me really happy.

27. It seems that the same things are on television or the movies all the time; it’s getting old.

28. When I was young, I was often in monotonous and tiresome situations.

[white knight]

Hi JessF

98 here.