Rusty

[Rusty]

I am dealing with depression, anxiety and loneliness. I am working on connecting with other people and just visited a neighbour and had a nice chat and felt quite good, but I came home and began to feel lonely again. I’m curious to know if anyone has had this happen to them or felt this way and maybe some tips to overcome this?

[Rusty]

After going through a rough 4-6 months going though depression and anxiety I feel I’m slowly getting somewhere. 
I’m seeing a counsellor regularly but am struggling to control my anxiety, I’m also feeling quite lonely with the feeling I have no one to talk to on a regular basis.

I’m curious to hear of ways to connect with people and make new friends.

[Sophie_M]

Hi there,

It’s really encouraging to hear that after such a tough few months, you’re starting to feel like you’re getting somewhere. That says a lot about the effort you’ve been putting in, especially sticking with counselling even when anxiety is still hanging around.

Loneliness can be such a quiet but heavy companion, can’t it? Especially when you’re doing the work to feel better but still don’t have that regular connection outside of appointments. It makes sense you’d be craving more consistent contact with people.

When it comes to making new connections, sometimes it helps to think less about “making friends” straight away and more about putting yourself in spaces where connection can grow naturally. That might look like joining a class, volunteering, a local walking group, a hobby group, or even online communities centred around an interest you already have. Repeated exposure in the same space often builds familiarity, and familiarity builds comfort.

It can also help to gently challenge the anxiety voice that says you don’t belong or that people won’t be interested. Often that voice is louder than reality. Starting small, like brief chats with the same barista, colleague, or neighbour, can slowly build social confidence without feeling overwhelming.

You’re not alone in this. So many people are quietly looking for connection too. You’ve already taken a brave step by asking the question here. If at any point things start to feel heavier again, you’re always welcome to reach out to Beyond Blue on 1300 22 4636 or via webchat. And of course, keep talking here. Connection starts in small moments like this.

Kind regards,
Sophie M

[Rusty]

Hi Sophe_M

Thanks for your reply. I do find the anxiety voice to be a challenge to push aside but I am slowly getting a hold on it. I do regularly see a counsellor which is helping too. 
Thanks for your tips also, some things I have started doing but hearing these thing from some one else gives me confidence to keep doing these things. There are times where I do feel desperate for something as simple as nice chat and of course anxiety sneaks in when I realise I’m not sure of when, where or how that’s going to happen.

[Doors24]

Hi Rusty,

 I know alot of people feel the same way you do,myself included about feeling lonely and needing someone to talk to on a regular basis.

Community or Neighbourhood houses can offer groups like walking to connect with people or taking a class there in an interest of yours, would connect you with people of similar interests. Joining a support group in person may also connect you with others. As you’d have a chance to talk after.

A club (not the dancing kind) in your area can bring you into others orbit. Even a volunteer group would do the same.

 I would also suggest being open to being friends with a diverse group of people. Sometimes someone older or younger can open up things you never knew existed.

But having boundaries before you begin a friendship means you are both on equal footing. So you don’t go in too fast or get taken advantage of. Loneliness is hard and if someone pays attention to you, you can want to grasp onto it with both hands. But it needs to be a healthy relationship.

Keep talking here and I am sure your qualities will shine through and lots of people will want to chat.

Doors24

[Rusty]

Hi Doors24

Thanks for you reply. I am certainly on the lookout for things that will get me out making new connections and little things that give me confidence around other people. 
I feel part of my situation is not having enough confidence and faith in myself and who I am. This is something that I am looking to work on. 
Having started chatting here has definitely already giving me positive ideas to use to move forward and also the things I am doing do work.

[melodica]

Hello,

I experience this often. I can have a good conversation or connection with someone, feel lighter for a while, and then the loneliness returns almost as soon as I'm alone again. It's frustrating because the interaction was genuine and positive, but it doesn't seem to fill the gap for long. I think part of it is that loneliness isn't just about a lack of contact. It's about feeling disconnected even when connections exist. One conversation can remind you what you're missing without fully resolving the deeper sense of isolation.

What's helped me is building small routines that keep me tethered between interactions. I write my thoughts and engage in online communities where I can contribute meaningfully. I try to maintain regular contact with a few people and remind myself that the good feeling is evidence that the connection works for you.

How often are you able to connect with others at the moment, and are there particular times when the loneliness feels most intense?

[SleepyRain]

Hey Rusty, 

It's good that you are taking steps to connect with others. I'm no expert, but what works for me personally is to keep myself busy and distract myself from loneliness or whatever is bothering me. Here are some suggestions and things I do myself: 

1. Watch a show or a movie - There are so many things on these days, you should be able something you like.

2. Do you have a hobby? If not, try and get started with something that you have always wanted to do. 

3. Some sort of physical activity, because our physical health is just as important as our mental one. I personally like to try and walk once a day for 1 hour.

4. Clean - I'm not saying you're messy but I know a lot of people like to clean for some sort of relief, and who is going to complain about having a 'cleaner' space when you aren't feeling to good about things.

Also, don't forget to tell yourself you did well today. Whether it was going out and working on connecting with people or something else. They may not seem like much for some but when you are working on improving yourself, the simple things matter the most and it all adds up in my opinion.

Have a good day

SleepyRain

[Rusty]

Hi Melodica

Although I don’t wish anyone to feel the way I do, it helps to know I’m not alone.

I find visiting my neighbour on the is a better time to meet up. Although I haven’t discussed what I’m going through at the moment, it’s nice to have some face to face connection. I’m in between jobs at the moment so I have started going to a cafe for coffee, not to meet up with up with anyone but just to be in an environment where there are people.

I am in the situation of trying to find thing’s to do and places to go to make new connections and friends.

As for times the loneliness is more intense, well I think it’s more when I spend time relaxing and my mind turns to to thoughts of being with other people.

Thank you for your reply 

[Rusty]

Hi SleepyRain

Thanks for the tips. I do find that when my mind isn’t busy or distracted I started to feel lonely. 
I am working on adding more and more things to use to help keep my mind distracted from loneliness.

Thank you