Rusty

[Rusty]

I am dealing with depression, anxiety and loneliness. I am working on connecting with other people and just visited a neighbour and had a nice chat and felt quite good, but I came home and began to feel lonely again. I’m curious to know if anyone has had this happen to them or felt this way and maybe some tips to overcome this?

[Michy007]

Hi Ben, where are you based? (area/State)? I'd be interested in checking out your facebook page. 
Cheers
Michy007

[therising]

Hi Rusty

So glad to see you've got a number of ideas and a lot of support from the amazing people on the forums here. This leads me to think of one of the best pieces of advice ever given to me, 'Find your circle, a circle of people who are going to help you develop in the way/s you wish to develop'. In other words, 'Find the kinds of people who are going to raise you'. Whether the circle is a social media circle, one on the forums here, one that involves a number of people who subscribe to a YouTube channel or it's some other circle or group, it pays to find people who just love raising each other. 

Not sure if it will help to know but it was some years ago that I seriously addressed why I don't feel loved. I just had to know, based on the fact it was bringing me down. When I thought about the people I loved the most in my life, my mum and my 2 kids, I realised that these are the people who I thrived on helping evolve in a number of ways. Btw, my mum passed away last May. It hit me, 'love is found in evolution' in more ways than one. When I am leading someone to evolve, I am loving them. When people are leading me to evolve in significant ways, I feel loved by these people. When I am leading myself to evolve, I am loving myself. While some may say 'Love is simply a feeling that requires no definition', for me it did/does need greater definition. My theory is how can I feel what I cannot define? Someone could proclaim their love for me 20 times a day, every day, and that's it. I will not feel love from them. On the other hand, if someone was to act in the simplest yet most loving of ways that leads to change, their love can be felt deeply. When you can feel people wishing for your evolution, you can feel their love for you: Whether it's an ounce of love right through to an enormous amount, you can feel it in some form.

'When does a distraction from feeling so much actually become a valid interest?' can be a question worth asking. For example, in order to not feel stress or a deep sense of emptiness or loneliness, we could explore a podcaster who's all about some particular form of greater self understanding and/or self development. Before we know it, we're feeling regular forms of inspiration, feeling a need for change, feeling some new way forward, feeling how different things could look (based on what they lead us to imagine) and so on. Every third day we might tune into one of their podcasts and before we know it we're beginning to open our mind a little more, changing one of our habits, considering things we never believed we'd ever consider. All this can come about when in the beginning we were looking for something that would distract us from feeling the kinds of things that can bring us down, which can include intensely challenging inner dialogue.

[Rusty]

Hi therising

Thank you your response, I’m finding great pieces of advice here. The idea of finding a circle of people who are going me develop sounds like a fantastic idea.
I’m sure in the right circle each individual will help each other deception. Something that is worth exploring.

[Rusty]

As I having been suffering from depression, anxiety and loneliness for a while now, I have had a lot of great advice here. The last week or so has been better as I put ideas into practice.

I still feel I still have a long way to go to achieve self love which I lack. It does get me rather emotional not knowing if I will gain self love and in turn the connections of other people that I so much desire. 
I would love to know other peoples experiences and advice.

[ViolettaZ]

Hi there,

I’m really glad you shared this.

It takes courage to speak honestly about depression, anxiety, and loneliness. It’s also encouraging that the past week has felt a little better as you’ve started putting ideas into practice.

It makes sense that self-love can feel distant or emotional. Many people imagine self-love as a sudden moment of confidence or happiness. In reality, it is usually a gradual process of learning to treat yourself with patience, respect, and compassion.

From my experience, self-love does not mean feeling confident all the time, liking everything about yourself, or never feeling lonely or anxious. Instead, it means accepting that you are human and imperfect,  and speaking to yourself with kindness rather than criticism.

When you overcome difficulties and achieve things, you begin to develop genuine self-respect. You realise that you were the person who kept yourself going through hard moments. In this way, self-love grows from building trust in yourself and recognising your resilience, not from being perfect.

Warm regards,

ViolettaZ🤗

[Rusty]

Hi ViolettaZ

Thank you for replying and your kind words. I feel that although I’m not seeking perfection, it is quite difficult to accept myself and my faults in the sense that I always want to do better and be better that I am in the present moment. Treating myself with kindness has been something that I have found hard to do.

I certainly do feel good overcoming challenges, I feel that when anxiety and negative thoughts arise it is difficult to feel the joy of the achievements.

I’m not sure really if I understand how self love and self respect works or maybe I’m just overthinking things too much😅. 
One thing to come out talking is I should look at doing little things that will give me the sense of achievement. Also learning to have some patience as I know it will take time.

Thanks again and warm regards 

[therising]

Hi Rusty

I'm so glad you're beginning to feel a sense of progress. I've found ideas or theories are one thing, whether the ideas/theories work or not is discovered through practice or a particular practice. It can be hard not to feel a little down if some of the ideas/theories don't work. It can be about putting a line through them while wondering what's next on the list of what could possibly work. Btw, while it could be in the nature of 5 million people to discover self love in one way, through one practice, it might be in our nature to discover it through an entirely different practice. 'I'm just different from millions of other people' feels so much better than 'What's wrong with me? What doesn't that work for me?'.

Rusty, I've discovered over the years, facets of myself I absolutely love. While some facets have come to life for the first time, others have come back to life. I love the part of me that leads me to wonder, the imaginative part of me that can lead me to incredible visions, the adventurous part of me that pushes me to get out of the house and not feel so down, the part of me that questions and challenges highly questionable people and the list goes on. These facets were well and truly alive when I was a little kid. While I can feel challenged to love the stresser in me, the critic in me, the saboteur and other aspects that can challenge my mental and soulful sense of wellbeing at times, they are still parts of me to be mastered and accepted. Self acceptance can be a tough gig at times, for sure. What can sometimes feel like the darker facets can actually be the ones that can challenge our growth in the most constructive of ways, when it comes to our need and determination to develop beyond their influence and the upset they can cause. 

[Rusty]

Hi therising

I certainly appreciate the reply. I certainly feel progress. It’s a journey that is at times very challenging at times and trying to find my true self and trying to find the self respect and love I deserve is hard. I have found light in what you have said and it has given me some other ideas to help me in my journey. Thank you for that.

[Rusty]

Although I’m putting in the effort in trying to discover myself and deal with anxiety and loneliness, and I do feel like I’m making progress, I do still have moments of anxiety and loneliness.

These moments can be just as much physical as is mental, I have checked in with my doctor about it but it does feel hard to deal with at times.

Part of me just wants some one to talk to more often. 
Any help or advice would be great.

cheers

[melodica]

Hello,

 that ache for connection, both physical and emotional, is deeply human.  It makes sense that even while you're doing the work and making real progress, those moments of loneliness and anxiety still surface. Progress isn't linear, and feeling both things at once doesn't cancel out how far you've come.

It's great that you've been checking in with your doctor and taking those small steps. I find things like  like going for coffee helps. It is a low-pressure connection is often easier to manage when anxiety is involved, and it sounds like you know yourself well enough to recognise what works for you.

I have also found that nline spaces can be meaningful too. Sometimes it's easier to open up when there's a little distance, and the connection still feels real. The forums here are a good place for that. Please do reach out whenever you need someone to talk to. You don't have to wait until things feel hard.