Noisy Neighbours Triggers Anxiety

Steve4458

I'm a 32 year old man living with my wife, no kids. Been in a town house for the last 6 years - our first home. I have always suffered from depression and anxiety but have improved over the last few years.

Around 5 years ago, the neighbour on one side played music so loud it rocked the walls and my wife was in tears. We weren't on best terms with the neighbour but I smoothed it out and all was well.

Before that time I had no anxiety with noisy neighbours. I think its some kind of effect from that time but now whenever I hear the neighbours it gives me such bad anxiety I feel sick, cant eat, have digestive issues. Mainly when they play music; the doors closing etc is fairly ok.

That one man has since moved on, we have new neighbours, and we are on good terms. I have before asked them to please consider turning the volume of music down and it was a positive conversation.

Today I heard them playing music through the wall and my chest got tight and I couldn't eat the dinner my wife made me. She didnt comment on the noise and I don't even know if she heard it. But I feel so sick, anxious, horrible over it.

I also feel very sad and ashamed such a small thing gets to me when there are bigger problems in the world.

I was too nervous to text the neighbour. Eventually I put the wife in bed with dessert and went to help my mother in law with something. But I still feel terrible over it.

I dont know what to do - this is mainly my problem. The neighbour is good, this is the first time in around 6 months this has happened. I cant have him walking on egg Shells all the time either. I just struggle so much with it and dont know how to fix myself.

Eventually we will move from a town house to a stand alone house, and i will see about acoustic windows and insulation, but I worry this is a lifelong problem I have developed.

white knight

Hi, welcome

No, its not you, its the inconsiderate neighbour. Its common anxious people get stressed and doubt their own judgement.

There's 2 options. 1. Ask your neighbour to enter your unit and see and hear the results of his loud music. Hopefully he'll acknowledge and lower the volume. 2. Consider moving earlier.

When I built my current home I selected double glazed windows. They really do reduce the sound of our barking fox terriers.

The following link can help-

https://forums.beyondblue.org.au/t5/anxiety/anxiety-how-l-eliminated-it/td-p/183873

TonyWK

ViolettaZ

Dear my friend,

I don’t think you need to blame or shame yourself for feeling this way. What you’re experiencing sounds really difficult, and I can understand why you might feel frustrated with yourself when you know your neighbours are good people. But just because something may seem small to others doesn’t mean that your feelings are not real or valid.

Tony WK has already given you some really helpful suggestions! I also think you have actually handled the situation quite thoughtfully. You have already spoken to your neighbours before, and you mentioned that the conversation went positively. You also recognise that this is mainly something you are struggling with, rather than blaming your neighbours for it.

If you feel uncomfortable having another direct conversation, perhaps you could leave them a small gift with a short note explaining how you feel about the noise. This is something I have done with a noisy neighbour before.

At the same time, I think it’s important to remember that you also have the right to enjoy some peace and quiet in your own home. Asking your neighbours to be mindful of the volume doesn’t mean you are being unreasonable or asking them to walk on eggshells around you.

As for your worry that this might become a lifelong problem, I don’t think you need to assume that it will. You have already noticed that your anxiety has improved over the past few years, which suggests that things can change. In the meantime, perhaps you could try some practical ways of making the noise less distressing, such as noise-cancelling headphones. If you feel that your anxiety is making you particularly sensitive, not only to certain sounds, it might also be worth talking to your GP about it. You could discuss what you have been experiencing and explore different ways of managing your anxiety. If medication is something you are considering, your GP can help you decide whether it is appropriate for you and talk through any potential side effects.

Most importantly, please be kind to yourself. You don’t have to compare your struggles with the bigger problems in the world to decide whether you are “allowed” to feel distressed. What you are experiencing is difficult for you, and that is enough reason to take it seriously. I hope you can give yourself the same understanding that you would probably give to someone else going through this.

Warm regards,

ViolettaZ