Hi Cocolee15
It sounds like you're going through an intensely challenging time. Such a time can pose so many questions, with the need for a lot of guidance. I'm glad you've met with Croix, who's offered good guidance. Finding other guides who can help you make sense of what's going on could be something that offers you the best way forward.
It's hard to say what triggers such a intense burst of energy that seems out of character. As Croix mentions, for some it can be about the chemistry put into our body and how that chemistry interacts with our own chemistry. So, a chemical reaction brought about by medication or other types of drugs. For others it could be about a whole new part of them that's come to life, a part that is exciting and liberating but needs incredibly careful management at the same time. Kind of like when the risk taking carefree excitement seeker in us comes to life in full throttle, offering such enormous amounts of energy and such an incredible sense of wonder. While there's an up side to meeting with the risk taking carefree excitement seeker in us, there's also a down side. You could even say there's a bright side to it and a dark side. With the risk taking, on the bright side this can lead us to feel fearless, an incredibly liberating feeling. With the carefree aspect, we can be led to not care less about all the kind of stuff that tends to depress us. With the excitement seeking aspect...well...excitement creates excitement and the energy in that can feel like a drug, like we're on a super high we don't want to come down out of. On the darker side, if risk taking doesn't come with a healthy sense of fear (that leaves us considering the consequences), we can be left facing regretful consequences. If we could not care less about some things that need careful consideration, there can be consequences to face there too. With excitement seeking, there are some facets to us that can lead us to consider whether the excitement we find is the best form of excitement under the circumstances or whether it's going to be a costly form in some ways (financially, emotionally, mentally, physically etc).
As I say, absolutely nothing wrong with this part of us coming to life as long as it's managed. If we can't manage it and it's completely out of control, it can take the people we trust to help us manage it to the point where we master this facet of us that can come to serve us in nothing but positive ways. If your dad is one of those trusted people, sounds like the best thing to do is stay with him so that you don't let this part of you lead you down the wrong track, perhaps a bit of a dark path (one that can lead to deep regret and depression). Finding someone to ground us is so important when we're flying way too high for our own good.
A word of warning, from my own experience, when you're no longer tapped into this part of you things can take a dark turn. For example, when the stresser in you returns or the logical side of you or the fearful side etc etc, your inner dialogue may shift and start to sound like 'What have you done? How could you have taken such risks? How could you not have cared?' and so on. These parts of us also need to be managed, as they can bring us down if we're not careful. Btw, I'm wondering whether you have any ideas when it comes to what could possibly have triggered this part of you to come to life.
