A need to talk

[HA1]

I am finding that I getting increasingly frustrated that I cannot find the ability to share my thoughts and worries with a 'friend'.  That I do not have a friend to share with; to listen to me.

Of course it is my own doing that I find myself in this predicament - been without real friends all my life. Perhaps due to social anxiety, perhaps due to who I am. 

Of late I have been feeling progressively less well in terms of my mental health.  I go to psychiatrist and psychologist all too regularly.  But frankly not getting real progress there, and that is really frustrating.  Although I enjoy talking to psychologist. 

My partner is great, but I am fearful of burdening her further, as she has really started to struggle with my illness.  Not surprisingly perhaps, she can't understand that I am not getting better.  After all this time, the medication should have done its job and I should be back to 'normal'.  Have tried explaining the (often) usual reality of mental illness; I will (hopefully) get better, but I will always need to mange my illness.  For this view I am told I am a defeatist.  All this not exchanged in anger, but in discussions between partners.  So, to avoid burdening her more, I am gradually keeping more of my feelings and thoughts to myself.  Although I thought I had retired it, the mask has well and truly come back out of the box I threw it in.

As a result, I am starting to feel the burden of not being able to share my thoughts with someone special, a friend.  

Replying to posts in this forum certainly helps a lot.  When I started it was very therapeutic.  But I need to also share with someone I can eyeball, to see their reactions and body language.

Haha - that feels better now that I have vented.  Thanks for reading (if you did).

K

[Stormgrl101]

Hey hideaway

I know how you feel. I feel I cannot share my worries and thoughts with my partner. It's hard trying to get him to understand my anxiety and depression. Apart from browsing and sometimes posting on here I can't talk to anyone apart from my psychologist but one time I was feeling particularly down I wrote down some of my feelings and had it there for my partner to read to try and give him a snippet of how I was feeling & he was kind about it.

 anyway just gotta keep pushing on. Hope you are doing okay today. Always here listening if you need to vent more 

[Jo3]

Hi Hideaway

I can relate to what you're saying.  I cannot say how I feel or think to my husband. And we've been married 28 yrs!! I cannot open up and talk to him about anything, so I feel so alone. But thanks to my pysch and therapist and gp that I can go to see them regularly and talk just about anything.  If I feel like crying I do, they will all sit and listen to me rant and rave; talk about stuff or just listen to me.

I do have a close friend but I am careful now what to say to her because a few months ago she told me she didn't want to listen to me anymore, that she had studies and work and it was too much to listen to me. Boy that was a slap in the favce. I cried and cried fearing I had no one.

Also I love coming on here and chatting with others and helping others where I can. I feel a connection because we understand each other.

Take care Hideaway, you can talk to me anytime

Jo

[white knight]

Hi Hideaway.

I'm lucky, I have a wife with depression. So as she is my best friend we can talk about the topic openly and frequent. But enough about me, this is about you.

Very often the statement is read here "I have no friends", its heartbreaking really. You say it could be because of "who I am"...well; I reckon its our illness- period.

Furthermore what help/advice can be given to enable ill people to find new friends. Hideaway, you certainly come across with a high degree of intelligence, so I'm safe assuming you know all the common avenues to find friends. But where ever you seek, sporting clubs, social venues etc you wont be successful in terms of your needs because you needs mostly include talking about what is prominent in your mind- coping with your illnesses.  Potential friends at venues are there to enjoy their sport/social mixing etc not to talk about depression. To top that off we know 80% of people cant relate to or dont try to relate to mental illness. 10% try and dont get it regardless and 10% suffer it.

And frankly that's why I am here. To not only share my experiences to help others but to talk about my struggles when they arise.

I've enjoyed and am enjoying your posts.

Birds of a feather theory is correct. But the feeling we are not alone is the power of the forum rarely found elsewhere..

[JustTiffanyxo]

Hey There Hideaway!

I feel the same way. That I'm not able to talk to my partner purely because I don't want to burden him with my problems. So i'll only tell him half the story. Or half of what's wrong. My psychologist then spins it around and asks me if i'd be happy to only half the story. Of course I wouldn't. We need to stop feeling like burdens!

Thanks for sharing!

JT

[AJ2014]

@Hideaway

I would like to post something but it is likely to be very blunt and may not be what you want to hear from some random on a forum who hardly knows you or your whole story. So before i do i would like to ask your permission.

[geoff]

dear Hideaway, I always enjoy reading your comments, as I do for everyone else's comments.

You are seeing a psychiatrist as well as a psychologist, presumably the former is for your medication, which is quite funny, no not ha ha, because when I was in a private clinic my psychiatrist decided to add another AD, but it's used as an antiepileptic and given to me now by my GP as such, anyway you like talking to your psychologist, so do you actually need to see the other psych.

There is a big difference being able to talk to someone face to face, however there can be a problem, they may decide to turn off, so do they actually retain what has been said and want to see you again, although you seem to be a great person because from your replies you can obviously see this.

Another concern is that if you do happen to find someone to talk to, is that if they don't just listen or aren't able to discuss your issues in a logical way and start to dominant what you should be doing then this will turn you off.

I'm not saying any of this to put you off, you don't deserve this, just thinking aloud. Geoff.