Depression

Avoidance & Selfesteem issues

replies: 4

Hi all, I was about to reply to my dear friend Neil when I realised there was a common thread through many people's stories & situations. So many of experience low Selfesteem, lack of confidence, fear of future, feel like a failure. And for some peop... View more

Hi all, I was about to reply to my dear friend Neil when I realised there was a common thread through many people's stories & situations. So many of experience low Selfesteem, lack of confidence, fear of future, feel like a failure. And for some people the way they cope is to use avoidance strategies to escape the pain & experiences they are dealing with. For so long I have used avoidance behaviour whenever I could to cope. This may be taking extra medication, drinking, escaping into another situation etc. but I just thought I'd mention it as its a big part of depression. And when we cannot feel hope, we do the next best thing-try to escape the situation (& this includes harm issues). I don't have the answered & right now I wish I could escape/avoid how I'm feeling-but in my situation the depression has overwhelmed me beyond my usual point of hiding it & coping with it. But I have always had low Selfesteem, I have always blamed myself for anything & everything. I apologise for things that people say "why are you apologising?), I see myself as a failure with no hope. Yet 10yrs ago I was in a high level job & was a different person. Now escaping into work was also an avoidance issue in some ways as I excelled at work but had experienced post-natal depression so I thought my kids were better in daycare. But they weren't happy & missed me & I eventually gave up work to be there for them and I'm so glad I did-yet the isolation when there is no one around is hard to manage. And from the reading I've done of people's stories-there seems to be an initial trigger or memory of painful experience from the past that they are still dealing with, as well as current issues which collide & bring us down. We may not even be able to identify the trigger/issue of pain as we have buried it deep & are now just coping with symptoms like me rather than moving on tie taking the next step of confronting or facing painful feelings, memories & thoughts. I don't know if any of this makes sense. I started off thinking of Neil & then thought so many of us may experience feeling at the bottom of the world. So this thread is "dedicated" to Neil ( im so awful hey) for those who can relate to the issues I've raised. Lve Mares x

Part 3 Crisis Update

replies: 13

Hi aallI was supposed to see a Pyschiatrist at the local hospital yesterday as part of the acute team. But my taxi never turned up & the Dr couldn't wait so now I have to wait to see him next week.I am extremely low, still struggling with overwhelmin... View more

Hi aallI was supposed to see a Pyschiatrist at the local hospital yesterday as part of the acute team. But my taxi never turned up & the Dr couldn't wait so now I have to wait to see him next week.I am extremely low, still struggling with overwhelming thoughts of survival. My husband who had stayed working in NZ last week came home Thursday night. He usually works at home Friday but yesterday he went into work. He is returning to NZ tomorrow for another week. He really doesn't understand. He is asking me things like what will be for dinner each night-I can't even think of dinner. I'm trying to cope in half hour blocks.I don't know & I'm worried how to organise the kids for school this week. And next weekend my husband and I are meant to be staying down South Coast for a wedding. He seems to think I can just go back to feeling normal whenever I'm needed. But I can't. And I almost wish to go to hospital to have a break to get support for me. But that won't happen.I'm noticing I'm getting more anxious & afraid when I think of things I should have done ie pay bills & can't face anything at moment. Has anyone just had an acute reaction to depression that comes out of nowhere & takes over your thoughts & you can't identify a trigger? Because I've had depression & anxiety for years & usually I can tell I'm feeling low, know deep down what the triggers were & knew the type of support I needed. In such cases yes things may go by the wayside but I focus on something like reading which I usually love & I escape into that when I'm feeling low.But this time I can't concentrate to read, have zero interest in anything & feel so immobilised by my fear that I barely get through the day usually by reading on Beyond Blue.I cannot face people & couldn't imagine at all going out or doing anything I'd usually be able to do. I have also never previously considered hurting myself as my kids are everything to me, so they are a kind of safety net & I'd never ever do anything because I'd rather suffer through the depression than do something that would destroy them & I could never hurt them or leave them.Yet like the other things I've mentioned, this is the first time that my pain & out of control thoughts are stronger than my usual safety net (my kids). It's the first time ever that the thoughts are stronger than my ability to survive for my kids. The out of control thoughts tell me they would be better off long term rather than having a mother in this state & my husband could meet someone else. That in itself is proof of my current state of mind. I'm not "me" at the moment.I really hope to see a psych ASAP. I'd be interested if anyone has ever had a similar situation-where severe depression just comes from nowhere & you feel completely out of control of your thoughts & feel terrified by being out of control, especially the thoughts of not wanting to continue-existence issues. Any similar experiences would be appreciated.So to sum up-I'm in an awful place but I'm holding on by reminding myself next week will hopefully provide more support & some changes in treatment-therefore helping me out of the current situation. I can't say thank you enough for reading, replying & being my main support at this time. My heart goes out to all experiencing a difficult time-you remain in my thoughts. Mares xxx Normal 0 false false false EN-US JA X-NONE /* Style Definitions */ table.MsoNormalTable {mso-style-name:"Table Normal"; mso-tstyle-rowband-size:0; mso-tstyle-colband-size:0; mso-style-noshow:yes; mso-style-priority:99; mso-style-parent:""; mso-padding-alt:0cm 5.4pt 0cm 5.4pt; mso-para-margin:0cm; mso-para-margin-bottom:.0001pt; mso-pagination:widow-orphan; font-size:12.0pt; font-family:Cambria; mso-ascii-font-family:Cambria; mso-ascii-theme-font:minor-latin; mso-hansi-font-family:Cambria; mso-hansi-theme-font:minor-latin;} 'beyondblue’s clinically-trained moderators often work offline (invisible to you) on issues relating to suicide or self-harm. At the same time, general supportive comments from the community are encouraged. If you have concerns around suicide or self-harm, please phone our support service on 1300 22 4636.'

A Helping Hand

replies: 5

It's January 27 2014 and the time is 1.30pm. As i sit on my bed listening to music, i think about how all of us here at BB have come together to give a Helping Hand to each of us. We have all come from many different backgrounds, had many different u... View more

It's January 27 2014 and the time is 1.30pm. As i sit on my bed listening to music, i think about how all of us here at BB have come together to give a Helping Hand to each of us. We have all come from many different backgrounds, had many different ups and downs in our lives but there is one thing we all have in common that is we are seeking help and guidence to overcome our mental illnesses. We offer advice, support and encouragement to each and everyone of us, to lift us up of the ground and to give us a helping hand when we are in need of someone willing to offer their hand in our time of need. As we get pulled up of the ground by each of us, we say thankyou and give that person a hug. That person is also willing to offer their shoulder to have a cry on, an ear to listen to us and a mouth to voice support and encouragement. To each and everyone of you i say: THANKYOU, I HAVE FAITH IN YOU, I BELIEVE IN YOU, I ENCOURAGE YOU, BE STRONG, BE DEFIANT AND STAND TALL. We will all make it and that it will be ok. To Beyond Blue: From the bottom of my heart THANKYOU SO MUCH FOR YOUR SUPPORT AND ONGOING SUPPORT TO EACH OF US. I think all of us should give Beyond Blue a big round of applause for the advice, support and encouragement they have all given and continue to give us all. Kind Regards Chris

Don't want to leave my bed..

replies: 2

For the past week I've spent a lot of time in bed, I don't ever really feel like leaving. I've cancelled plans with friends, experienced anxiety over having to go to work and I feel pretty numb most of the day. I've got a great doctor, fantastic psyc... View more

For the past week I've spent a lot of time in bed, I don't ever really feel like leaving. I've cancelled plans with friends, experienced anxiety over having to go to work and I feel pretty numb most of the day. I've got a great doctor, fantastic psychologist and a big support system yet I'm scared of everything, everyone. I try to focus on getting better but is it common to experience massive lows like this while seeking help? I'm just so tired, so anxious, so completely over feeling so distant from the rest of the world.

what happens in hospital?

replies: 8

I feel Im almost at a point to go to hospital. Ive already seen a psych, plus a mental health nurse and they both think itd be worse for me if I was to go in there, and worse for me to change meds. How can this be? What is supposed to help? Im gettin... View more

I feel Im almost at a point to go to hospital. Ive already seen a psych, plus a mental health nurse and they both think itd be worse for me if I was to go in there, and worse for me to change meds. How can this be? What is supposed to help? Im getting worse. I cant see a way out of whats happening. My life cannot go on with the same thought patterns, or loneliness, or poverty, so Its supposed to be ok for me to just stay in this mental space? Im just supposed to live a comprimised half life forever? Thats all there is for me?

What is me, what is the depresssion and what's the med? What I think...

replies: 2

HI I have read many posts and where people were wondering how the 'real me' feels. With me I can tell the difference in my solar plexus( the area behind your breastbone).The real me, my soul is there, the real me lives there. If depression/anxiety ta... View more

HI I have read many posts and where people were wondering how the 'real me' feels. With me I can tell the difference in my solar plexus( the area behind your breastbone).The real me, my soul is there, the real me lives there. If depression/anxiety takes hold that area hurts, it crushes my chest and I cant 'be'.I want to run, die, or cut the feeling out. The med manages to take that feeling away and replaces it with a positive warm feeling. I know the real me is the positive warm feeling since I did experience this feeling before-but only randomly since my mental health was 'suboptimal' and I was down in the dumps. So I believe there is only one real me- that one which can only exist with the med. So the real me was always there, and is still there, but the depression/anxiety suffocated those warm positive feelings and I could therefore never feel the real me. So now I can at least feel and am grateful for that. I lack the negative feelings which I don't miss. Sorry this post probably doesn't make any sense-but I thought it may help people to learn feeling again. My compass for the state of my mental health is my solar plexus. Its good to be able to feel that part again and not wanting to cut it out of my chest! Beetle

Lost and Empty

replies: 5

I feel like an idiot writing this stuff but i just need to let everything out.I am empty, i have just separated from a long term relationship with the person i was looking to marry about 2 mths ago. My little Brother has just been diagnosed with HIV,... View more

I feel like an idiot writing this stuff but i just need to let everything out.I am empty, i have just separated from a long term relationship with the person i was looking to marry about 2 mths ago. My little Brother has just been diagnosed with HIV, Im finding myself slowly turning to drugs on weekends to try and fill a void. I Can be happy and put n a brave face but then everything just come crashing down and i just want it all to end. I Have found myself in my garage numerous times writing letters to my family and friends apologising for everything i have done and how i want to end it......I have tried twice but failed and i just feel even more depressed because i can not do it. I see a picture of my ex and it just destroys me because i know i single handedly destroyed our relationship and took it for granted. I love her so much. I know i can make her happy again and i just want that chance.I ruined my relationship with my sick brother and i wasn't there for him when he got sick. I wish i could turn back time. I just want to be happy...I scared and alone..... Sorry Normal 0 false false false EN-US JA X-NONE /* Style Definitions */ table.MsoNormalTable {mso-style-name:"Table Normal"; mso-tstyle-rowband-size:0; mso-tstyle-colband-size:0; mso-style-noshow:yes; mso-style-priority:99; mso-style-parent:""; mso-padding-alt:0cm 5.4pt 0cm 5.4pt; mso-para-margin:0cm; mso-para-margin-bottom:.0001pt; mso-pagination:widow-orphan; font-size:12.0pt; font-family:Cambria; mso-ascii-font-family:Cambria; mso-ascii-theme-font:minor-latin; mso-hansi-font-family:Cambria; mso-hansi-theme-font:minor-latin;} 'beyondblue’s clinically-trained moderators often work offline (invisible to you) on issues relating to suicide or self-harm. At the same time, general supportive comments from the community are encouraged. If you have concerns around suicide or self-harm, please phone our support service on 1300 22 4636.'

I may have really messed up this time

replies: 4

I feel like I am the worst person who has ever existed. Nothing ever seems to change things only get worse... all the time. I feel like I have had enough. I don't know how to help myself anymore and I am so tired of trying.

How can I do this.

replies: 19

Lately , l have been feeling like I'm lost and I cry at the smallest things. I am easily frustrated and this has caused me to lose one of my good friends. I don't even know how to talk to people anymore, I just feel lost and no one can help me sort t... View more

Lately , l have been feeling like I'm lost and I cry at the smallest things. I am easily frustrated and this has caused me to lose one of my good friends. I don't even know how to talk to people anymore, I just feel lost and no one can help me sort this out. I don't feel like I belong anywhere and I feel unwanted most of the time and when I try talking to people I just don't feel like they want to listen and I think that ok the other end they are judging me for how I am feeling. All I want is for my friends to care about who I am and I don't want to appear to them as a sad person who in the me will have no friends i don't know what to do i just need help

The root of my problem

replies: 9

I have recently been diagnosed with depression. I think that deep down I always knew that, but hearing someone else say it really shook me. It was a difficult journey to announce that I had a problem, to be precise it took me four years. No one aroun... View more

I have recently been diagnosed with depression. I think that deep down I always knew that, but hearing someone else say it really shook me. It was a difficult journey to announce that I had a problem, to be precise it took me four years. No one around me knew that there was this inner turmoil going on within me. Neither my friends nor my family. My mother was shocked and so saddened, when my school counselor told her I had a problem, she was visibly unnerved by the unexpected events. She held me in her arms and asked me why I felt this way. I didn't know how to answer her because I wasn't even sure of the root of my problem myself. We cried and I took a couple of days off school so that we could go see our GP. He recommended we go see a psychiatrist and he gave us all the relevant information that we needed. I had to wait a month before I got to see him. Our first session was of me practically telling him all the things I have been going through. Generally the things that I have been unable to say out loud to people before. That first session left me in tears due to confronting my suicide attempts, feeling of worthlessness and incompetence, and the black pitch of darkness that was loneliness. We have yet come to a conclusion as to why I am like this, but I am afraid that I have come to a deduction myself. And what I think is the root of my depression is not something I am happy to admit. The reason for my depression is my mother. When she held me in her arms and ask me why I am feeling depressed, she asked me whether it was due to her. At that time she was already sobbing. So I took her into my own arms and told her that it wasn’t. I think that the reason I didn’t say anything at the time was because she was so anguished already, I didn’t want to upset her anymore. My mother can be a rather terrifying person. When she is angry, for some reason I am so scared for my life. She has never been violent to me, but for some reason when she is angry I am so scared. The basic relationship of a mother and daughter should not be like this, yet this is how it is for me. Our relationship dynamic consists of her being angry and me being submissive and cowering away in silence until she has calmed down enough so that I can apologise to her without angering her further. Don’t think that she is a bad person. She is a good mother and when she is not angry she is a great friend. A lovely woman who is tough, strong, funny, sweet, beautiful and capable. But then why am I so terrified of her? Depressed and Disheartened

Pinned discussions

Hello! Read this if you're not sure how to get started

replies: 0

How do I talk to my doctor?

replies: 9

SELF HELP TIPS FOR MANAGING DEPRESSION

replies: 132

All discussions