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BeyondBlue Hello! Read this if you're not sure how to get started
  • replies: 0

Welcome This section of the Beyond Blue Forums is for talking about our experiences with depression. There are lots of chats about how it makes us feel, what it’s like to live with depression and what has worked to help in these times. Thank you for ... View more

Welcome This section of the Beyond Blue Forums is for talking about our experiences with depression. There are lots of chats about how it makes us feel, what it’s like to live with depression and what has worked to help in these times. Thank you for coming this far, we know it can be really hard to take these steps if depression is in your life - we see you and think this is a great step. To get the most out of this space we have a few tips: Get involved. The Forums work best for you when you get active and post where you can. Now, we know that can be really hard, especially when you are experiencing depression. So, if you can post something supportive to someone else here, that would be an incredible start. Speak from the heart. This community wants to know how YOU feel and what has worked for YOU. We trust that you have something unique to say and we can’t wait to hear it. Check in. Lots of the discussions in this section of the Forums have been going for years and they are some of the richest conversations we have. Keep checking in to get new ideas and offer your support. We know it can be tough to start, but when you are ready we want to hear your thoughts. If you need some time to get to know the community, that's okay! Have a look around and see where you want to get involved. Thank you for being here! Beyond Blue

Jeriava How do I talk to my doctor?
  • replies: 9

I’ve been struggling with my life for the past 7-8 years but I finally made an appointment with a doctor. I feel really scared though because I don’t ever go to the doctor for anything, and I havent seen this doctor for so many years that I’m really ... View more

I’ve been struggling with my life for the past 7-8 years but I finally made an appointment with a doctor. I feel really scared though because I don’t ever go to the doctor for anything, and I havent seen this doctor for so many years that I’m really scared that they’ll judge me or won’t believe anything I say. I’m really anti social so I feel like I won’t be able to say what I wanna say or I’ll say the wrong thing causing them to just dismiss me and move me along without helping. I’m just tired of feeling alone, depressed and just worthless but I’m really scared to talk to them.

AGrace SELF HELP TIPS FOR MANAGING DEPRESSION
  • replies: 132

Hi Everyone, Here are some ideas you might like to try for managing symptoms of depression. Of course everyone's different, so let us know what works for you, and please feel free to add to the list... Mindfulness – through breathing or engaging the ... View more

Hi Everyone, Here are some ideas you might like to try for managing symptoms of depression. Of course everyone's different, so let us know what works for you, and please feel free to add to the list... Mindfulness – through breathing or engaging the 5 senses Distress Tolerance – Accepting Emotions and Self Soothing Distraction – Put the thoughts/feelings aside and come back to them when you are ready to deal with them Positive Affirmations – Have some affirmations written down repeat them to yourself daily Sleep/Exercise/Diet – All 3 aspects of our lifestyle can impact the way we think/feel Increasing Pleasurable Activities – Engage in at least one pleasurable activity per day

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Jo3 Back in hospital
  • replies: 5

Hi everyone Well here I am again - back in hospital. Don't know if it's a good or bad thing. But I'm here and I am going to take as much rest as I can, do as many group sessions as possible. I'm in a shared room and it is so weird - 3 of us who were ... View more

Hi everyone Well here I am again - back in hospital. Don't know if it's a good or bad thing. But I'm here and I am going to take as much rest as I can, do as many group sessions as possible. I'm in a shared room and it is so weird - 3 of us who were here in April are all in today and we are in the same room!!! I felt very withdrawn and nervous this morning, but as the day is going on I am not too bad. I will keep you all updated. Take care everyone, I have limited access to computer, so I will try and come on quickly every day. Jo xxx

white knight WHAM...DEPRESSION !! Arrives this morning gone by evening...why?
  • replies: 6

I'm studying myself...observing when I fall into depression, the symptoms, the lead up to it and how I get out of it. So, wife and I on holiday up north- sunshine coast. Staying with friends. Yesterday wife went out shopping and as she took our car I... View more

I'm studying myself...observing when I fall into depression, the symptoms, the lead up to it and how I get out of it. So, wife and I on holiday up north- sunshine coast. Staying with friends. Yesterday wife went out shopping and as she took our car I was..well marooned, stuck at this nice place but there is a limit to what you can do at a friends house alone. With boredom during the day I rang my wife for her to bring the newspaper. She returned and forgot it. We are too far to go driving just for the paper so I didnt bother. This morning I woke up having had a really bad dream. I dont know if it was the result of the dream or not enough sleep from dreaming but I woke up in a bad mood. We had planned a day out and I asked my wife if we could start the day with brekky at a cafe. No, she didnt consider it at all. So we had coffee and the conversation with our friends lingered on and on. Eventually my mood fouled more and I announced to my wife- "we leave in 5 minutes or I leave by myself". We left in a few minutes and started our day at a cafe but the depression had well and truly set in. By this time I was trying to feel the change in my brain. Started to study my body for reasons that set off the mood. Was it- -the bad dream -lack of sound sleep -boredom the day before leading to impatience this morning -my wife's lack of knowing how needy I was to get on the road -my depression cycle coming around -music....I had the tune of the bodyguard in my head...I'm a sucker for sad tunes. -being away from home in Victoria We had been at our friends for one week. We'd been camping for 3 days happily and the following 4 days we great, jovial, laughing - perfect atmosphere. What I do know. Is that my wife is not to blame. My communication was reasonable and my sense of urgency was obvious. But my impatience came around really quickly..in fact it came during our drinking our coffee, within a 5 minute period. Medication has been great and am on the maximum of the mood stabiliser prescribed. An anti depressant is ok and prefer not to take a higher dosage. Also my feelings just after I lost patience was like my eyes were welling up. 10 years ago I would have cried for hours and had headaches from that. But the flushed feeling I had this morning might be due to the chemical reaction causing the depression????? Does anyone else have this flushed feel? How many of you can relate to the above circumstances listed as being a trigger for depression.? and out of it after 8 hours.

unremarkable1 Looking for opportunity to offload
  • replies: 2

Hello, I am almost reluctant to post this, given that I don't think I am actually clinically depressed or suffering from any particular mental illness. But sources of sadness, frustration and regret in my life have slowly accumulated to a point where... View more

Hello, I am almost reluctant to post this, given that I don't think I am actually clinically depressed or suffering from any particular mental illness. But sources of sadness, frustration and regret in my life have slowly accumulated to a point where they are affecting my physical wellbeing. I don't want to join any kind of support group - I would feel like a complete phony, because my depression is purely circumstantial, not clinical at all. I would normally even categorise myself as an optimist. All I really think I need is a sympathetic ear - someone who will listen without judging or jumping to unnecessary conclusions, and WITHOUT trying to shove drugs down my throat. If I were religious, I would just go have a chat with my local clergy-person. It's that kind of casual understanding that I feel I need, which unfortunately is very hard to find for modern, secular professional types who have difficulty making friends. I'm looking for any suggestions or recommendations - I'm not sure if individual therapists are allowed to be named in this forum, but if so, hopefully I'm allowed to at least say that I live and work in Melbourne's eastern suburbs. A bit to the north, and not too far into the 'sticks'. Thanks.

Aitsu as I walk through the town with no people
  • replies: 11

I find it hard to explain anything about how I’m feeling, because to be honest I really don’t know anymore. I use to have depression during primary and high school, but thanks to a couple of great relationships in my past things improved and I was ab... View more

I find it hard to explain anything about how I’m feeling, because to be honest I really don’t know anymore. I use to have depression during primary and high school, but thanks to a couple of great relationships in my past things improved and I was able to get past that, there was once a point where I’d say I was free of depression and was just trying to work through the secondary problems my depression had created, such as poor memory and social skills. But ever since my relationship with my ex failed two years ago I have slowly been spiralling down hill. It has been around 15 years since I have been this bad with my depression to the point that I am finding myself in tears every day and wanting to pass out too fee myself from the feeling of emptiness and pain I feel. I have tried so many different things to get myself on track since the break up, from attending various social clubs, immersing myself in work, spending time with family, following hobbies, dating sites… whatever I do, I just have no interest and to be honest all these things actually make me feel worse. While my memory is shot as my head tries frantically to cope with this pain; I still know of the feelings of bliss I felt every time my ex smiled and nothing these past two years can remotely compare or turn me around so fast. I think that is why I feel nothing when I do these “social” things. As much as I wish things worked, I understand that she wanted to follow her spiritual needs and going our separate ways was probably inevitable. I have been in love and engaged before and breaking up has always been horrible, but I can’t turn myself around this time as I fall deeper into the darkness. I feel so alone as I walk through this town with no people.

MrsCam this is all a bit new to me
  • replies: 5

Hi all, Have been treated for depression with ad meds for the past 15 years or so. Was always on the same low dose till about 12 months ago when things started to go down hill. Then in recent months Ive been on a roller coaster merry go round of alte... View more

Hi all, Have been treated for depression with ad meds for the past 15 years or so. Was always on the same low dose till about 12 months ago when things started to go down hill. Then in recent months Ive been on a roller coaster merry go round of alternating highs and lows. Yesterday I was voluntarily admitted to Perth Clinic and my diagnosis has been changed from depression to bipolar2. This is no great surprise to me as my gp mentioned that this might be the case. I have stopped the ad meds and last nite started on mood stabilizers. I am hoping that these, along with the skills & techniques I hope to learn throgh groups & individual therapy here will restore some balance in my world. Hope everyone is having a good day

Mic3 Tired of depression
  • replies: 8

Hi, I am so not used to write about my problems or talk about it. I was brought up that way. You don't really talk about yourself and you are definitely not a burden to anyone so I am sorry if my writing is a little confusing. People see me as a very... View more

Hi, I am so not used to write about my problems or talk about it. I was brought up that way. You don't really talk about yourself and you are definitely not a burden to anyone so I am sorry if my writing is a little confusing. People see me as a very strong person that never needs help but the truth is that I am so unhappy and have this rage of hopeless inside me. I think I have had depression most of my life but now when life is a lot more busier with small kids it appears a lot more. I love and adore my kids and I have a wonderful husband that would do anything for me. But..... Here is my thing... I have fibromyalgia (chronic fatigue, pain) depression and I also have a sugar addiction which no one takes really serious. Hey even I find it weird sometimes but it's real. All three of them come together. Sugar makes me very bad and my pains become worse. When my pain is bad, my depression becomes really bad. It's like a black circle that I can't get out of. I have worked really hard the last years to get my body on track and I think I have my pain and other things on track but it's the depression and the sugar addiction that is really hard to take on. I have been to therapists but they don't really take me seriously..Let me explain. I know my problem and I am asking and answering myself when I am at a therapist. The ones I have been to always says. "You know what to do and you are strong". I am a little tired of hearing that because I do feel hopeless many times and my head is just black with uninvited "guests", as I call them, talking bad things. Really bad thoughts about myself. I cry a lot and I am trying to talk to my husband about it but it's not always easy to really tell what you feel. I have been through a lot in my life and when I feel good I feel like a survivor and I'm strong. But when I'm in my black cloud I feel very weak and just want to disappear. Feels like my family would be better without me. I know it's my brain and the uninvited guests talking and not my heart but it's really tiring and difficult to feel all this while trying to keep up work, house, kids and life in general. For me all this is really real. I do keep going but I have become very good in keeping up appearance. People do not see it on me. Even my husband don't see it many times until I have a panic attack or I am just crying. I hope that I make a little sense. For me.. I just need to talk about it sometimes, to get the screaming voices in my head out. Thank you

dorothy feeling fake: I'm tired of acting
  • replies: 6

Here goes, anyone who knows me thinks I'm a happy, confident caring person. And being a nurse my job requires such qualities, being a mother requires this, being a wife requires this and so I play this role, I want to be like this but the reality is ... View more

Here goes, anyone who knows me thinks I'm a happy, confident caring person. And being a nurse my job requires such qualities, being a mother requires this, being a wife requires this and so I play this role, I want to be like this but the reality is I am dying inside, always anxious and nervous feeling over whelmed all the time. I am tired of acting, I'm tired of anxiety attacks and tired of feeling sad for no reason. I have to push myself to be motivated not out of wanting its a necessity when the truth is I could gladly just curl up in bed all day and withdraw from society, family and friends. And what is sadder no one can tell.

Princess "Help me if you can... I'm feeling down"
  • replies: 5

It's been a while. Every morning I wake up with my stomach in knots and I even wake up during the night like I want to be sick. Eventually I get the courage to put one foot in front of the other and attempt to face the day. By the time I make it into... View more

It's been a while. Every morning I wake up with my stomach in knots and I even wake up during the night like I want to be sick. Eventually I get the courage to put one foot in front of the other and attempt to face the day. By the time I make it into work I feel overwhelmed and like I can't do my job. I always seem to be on edge. I've been reading a book about CBT and I find it quite helpful at that moment but then by the next day, whatever I've read is out the window and my feeling of downness returns. I have a super supportive husband and he is so encouraging and I feel like I'm really letting him down by being this way. Not sure what he did to deserve me, but I am grateful he is my partner in life. Not even sure why I wrote this .... just wanted to get it off my chest I suppose.

Lou I Just want to run away but there is nowhere
  • replies: 5

I am so tired, so sad, so fed up. I just want to go away. I want to find a retreat where I can talk to someone who can help. I am feeling so unloved and cared for. I can't keep this up. I have pulled back from all my friends and have no-one. No one w... View more

I am so tired, so sad, so fed up. I just want to go away. I want to find a retreat where I can talk to someone who can help. I am feeling so unloved and cared for. I can't keep this up. I have pulled back from all my friends and have no-one. No one wants to know about it any more. It is not my fault I am soooo down. You have no idea how close I have come to not being here. I am so stuck I don't know what to do. My doctor has been changing my meds and I am seeing a physc tomorrow. I know everyone will say hang in there. Give the meds a chance but I am over it. I have been suffering depression for 40 years now and I am sick of being sick. Sick of no-one understanding. Here we go again and again and again. I don't want to be like this and there is nowhere to go. I need 24/7 at the moment. Physc ward doesn't want me. I'm sad not mad. Why isn't there somewhere we can go and stay and get help without it being a physc ward. That's not the right place when you are down. I don't know where to go from here.

zolaranium I just need to let it out
  • replies: 4

I'm not expecting anyone to read this, and not needing anyone to reply. I see a professional, I take my medication, I just really need a safe, anonymous place to let my feelings out. Here goes. I'm 36. I've been battling depression since I was 15, an... View more

I'm not expecting anyone to read this, and not needing anyone to reply. I see a professional, I take my medication, I just really need a safe, anonymous place to let my feelings out. Here goes. I'm 36. I've been battling depression since I was 15, and I think it's winning. I don't have any horrible stories, or shocking childhood events behind my depression, it's just always been there. I met my husband when I was 19, married at 24, and now we have 4 beautiful kids. And it's not enough to stop me from wanting to not exist. I don't want to get out of bed. I don't want to get dressed. I don't want to make meals, or do the washing, or clean the house. I just want to not wake up in the morning. I've been to several doctors. I've been on several medications - to the point where my current Dr has recommended I never go off them again. And it's just not working. I hate myself and I don't see that I'm worth putting any effort into. I don't understand what my friends possibly see in me that is worth liking. I'm the most useless mother on the planet, and I honestly feel sorry for my kids that they got stuck with me. My marriage is not great. I feel like my husband would rather be anywhere than here - and that must be my fault. I'm not good enough. And I get so angry with him - he's always working, he doesn't help me with any of the household chores, if I ask him to do something, his answer is always "sure" and then he never does it, and now I find myself not even bothering to ask for his help and then resenting him for making me do it all on my own. My ways of dealing with my feelings are eating, drinking and self harm - and I pretend to everyone else that I'm ok because I don't believe that they actually want to hear any of my problems. I think a lot about killing myself, but I know I'd never have the guts. I have some hobbies that, at times, I really enjoy doing, but then I look at the results and they are so rubbish that I wonder why I bothered in the first place. I just feel that everyone in my life would be better off without me - I wouldn't be screwing up my kids lives, my husband wouldn't have to put up with me, my friends would be able to spend time with others and not have to baby me and my stupid meltdowns. There is not one positive, useful thing I contribute...so honestly, what is the point of me?? I'm taking up valuable air and space and resources.. and I should just not.beyondblue’s clinically-trained moderators often work offline (invisible to you) on issues relating to suicide or self-harm. At the same time, general supportive comments from the community are encouraged. If you have concerns around suicide or self-harm, please phone our support service on 1300 22 4636.