Worst Joke Wednesday

[Neil_1]

Hi all

I know a while back there was a thread with some jokes on it - just to try and lighten the load for folk and to provide a few jolly japes and spiffy spifferoons (those words etched in my memory bank from the late and great Kenny Everitt).  However, I was far to lazy to try and find the other thread, so thought I'd start up a new one WJW.

Here we go people, something to start you off with:

"When I was a small boy, I had a dog named Tax.  I'd open the door and "Income Tax""

"That very same year, I had a bird called Enza.  I'd open the window and "Influenza"

Now, they can't be done on any other day - for it is after all, Worst Joke Wednesday.

See if you can beat either of those?

[Croix]

Why did the smiley emoji

🙂

drop the nose

🙂

It was too negative.

[romantic_thi3f]

My husband purchased a world map and then gave me a dart and said "Throw this and wherever it lands- that's where I'm taking you when this pandemic ends."

Turns out, we're spending two weeks behind the fridge.

rt

[Ggrand]

😂😂....

Where do pepperonis like to go on vacation? ...

The Leaning Tower Of Pizza!

[romantic_thi3f]

me: Ouija board, is this house haunted?

Ouija board: M Y B R O T H E R H A S A L W A Y S B E E N M O R E P O P U L A R T H A N M E A N D I T R E A L L Y H U R T S

me: Damn it, this is a Luigi board

rt

[Croix]

Alphabet Spaghetti makes a handy ouija board...
...for contacting people who've pasta way.

[romantic_thi3f]

Hi,

Sorry the spacing didn't format properly in my post, so for anyone who was confused about that it says:

my brother has always been more popular than me and it hurts

Ah Croix, you're so fusilli.

[Croix]

This has nothing to do with anything, but I rather like it.

Nobody tells the Navy what to do - Except the ....

Warship: (In thick fog) Recommended you divert your course 15 degrees to the North, to avoid a collision.

Reply: Negative. You will have to divert your course 15 degrees to the South to avoid a collision.

Warship: This is the Captain of the navy warship. I say again, divert YOUR course.

Reply: Negative. I say again, you will have to divert YOUR course.

Warship: We are an aircraft carrier, the second largest ship in the Atlantic fleet. We are accompanied by three destroyers, three cruisers, and numerous support vessels. I DEMAND that you change your course 15 degrees North, I say again, that is 15 degrees North, or counter-measures will be undertaken to ensure the safety of this ship.

Reply: We are a lighthouse. Your call.

[romantic_thi3f]

It's a bit chilly this morning and I wanted to take a photo of the fog outside my window, but I mist my chance!  Hopefully I can dew it again tomorrow.

[Fiatlux]

Why do you never see elephants hiding in trees? 

Because they’re really good at it.

[sbella02]

I'm sure this has been around a long time, but I first heard this in one of my favourite games. It's one of those anti-jokes that's only funny because of how remarkably unfunny it is:

"What's brown and sticky?"

"A stick."