Seeking connection

[Arra]

Seeking connection 

I am Arra I am 30 years old, I like mountain biking, fishing, surfing, gardening and going for walks with my family. I am connecting on here as I feel quite isolated, alone and exclude from other services when I actually need *help* not to be silenced or excluded 
I don’t always get it right, impulsiveness comes with having severe adhd that has affected me my entire life, so sometimes I say things I don’t mean or find rules hard to follow, but I am trying so hard. I have a history of severe and complex trauma, anxiety and issues managing my anger and overwhelm 
I would like to establish connections and a community here. I hope people drop in this thread to say hi. 
culture is important to me I identify as Arrernte 

[smallwolf]

hi Arra,

I cannot imagine what it is like to be in your shoes (figuratively speaking)... when you try so hard and to then lose that support from a service.

Anyways.... I saw your comment where you mentioned you were feeling alone. And then I also noticed your comment about having 4 children. I only have 2 ... though they are now in early 20s. So I am guessing you might also be the primary carer? (Being able to take walks and outdoor activities as you mentioned sound healthy for both mind and body.)

Can I ask if your being alone is also wanting adult company sometime? Please tell me if I am wrong.

Perhaps you can write a little something about your family? And... what support you you get from family?

Listening if you want to chat some more.

[Arra]

I do want adult company sometimes, I do have a wife that I love very much and we do get time to talk but you know with 4 under 8 it can be scarce or interrupted 

we are just in that stage at the moment where even our nights are split between sleeping in different kids beds and settling everyone that we don’t always get to spend time together for a chat at the end of the night, we prioritise it where we can but it is the reality of having little ones too 

I wouldn’t say I’m the primary carer because I go to work my wife she has 3 at home with her every day one that does kinder but for the most part he is at home still 

one at school, one at kinder, 2 at home for the moment… 

I love my family they bring me so much joy 

they are the light of my world 

Coming home to the them at the end of a work day or having them come visit me at work lights me up 

[Scared]

Hi Arra.

I have been to your land before.

I had a great experience at Ayres Rock.

Have you been there ?

Ayres rock is a timeless place and really powerful aura I found.  I went off on my own and I could feel the spirits and I was like wow.   It was so quiet but strangely I didnt feel alone like something or some presence was there. I took a small rock from Ayres and my life fell apart after.  Then I read that taking rock from there is bad and spirits were cursing my luck.

Then I found at the end of the article that people were posting their rocks back from all over the world to get rid of bad luck.  I cant remember now who the organization was that you could post to but I did get rid of that rock.

Because people world wide were posting them back there must be something spooky going on.

Do you know anything about this in your culture ?

And no I didnt climb the rock lol

[Arra]

That’s a very interesting story thanks for sharing 

[smallwolf]

hello again,

from your post it sounds like you both love your children very much and making sure they get to bed on time (?) to the point that you don't get time for each other? I cannot really remember the those years when my two were that age, except that it was a tiring time. I also know that my wife wanted alone time, adult time etc. These are reasonable things to want. Perhaps your wife was/is similar?  Not saying this is the case. But the times were tough and we made it through. Not sure where I picked this little bit of advice, but was told we (wife and I) needed to make time for ourselves as well.

And if I might ask one other question.. does your wife know how you are feeling?

(And if I have any/all of it wrong above, please also let me know.

Listening

[Arra]

Yeah we try to make time for each other as much as we can

We do coffee in the morning together every morning before kids get up I make us both a coffee in bed or we sit out in the lounge room just have 10 mins together in the quiet 

She does know is a huge support to me 

[Arra]

What’s everyone doing today 

[Scared]

Today I am relaxing and going to watch a movie about explorer Scotts expedition.

Tonight and laugh if you will Im going to watch Mafs..  I love the psychology of the players.   Yes I need to get a life I know.  I finished washing the sheets and they now drying.  I have treatment tomorrow so Im preparing for that.

When my treatment finishes I may go Thailand visit my Thai family if Im well enough.

[Whatsinaname]

This may be just words on a screen but know that there is people here to listen. Especially now that it looks like my notifications are fixed!

[Arra]

I feel sad undervalued and unsupported 

I don’t feel heard or cared about by this other place

somd of the times I have felt most valued was contributing to work with them 

it’s a kick in the teeth to see them talking about great they are with First Nations people while I sit excluded

I need help someone to advocate for me here because nobody is on my side 

Can BB write a letter or something 

I feel depressed about it which is ironic of a mental health service to cause this amount of suffering