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Middle, mature, elderly aged person...lonely & living alone...Needing someone to talk to?..Let’s be here for each other.

Ggrand
Community Champion
Community Champion

Hello Everyone....🤗.

have noticed that a lot of mature aged and elderly people are living alone and overwhelmed by loneliness...I though I would make this thread to give and receive support to each other as well as a place where we could also chat about any thing you want to chat about...so we can all get to know each other...Life’s not as lonely with others to talk to....forum friends can be a big help for us in not feeling so alone...

Share some tips, exercise, gardening, favourite meals, recipes, books your reading, hobbies, what you like doing.....pets and their impact they have in your life....anything at all you feel that would help other people struggle with living alone.💐...and loneliness..

I have a volunteer day..one day a week, which gets me outside of my home and into a different atmosphere where I can talk to the other volunteers and sometimes even customers, when I venture into the shop...Do you volunteer yourself somewhere...

I have 2 little Maltese x Yorkshire..that are my companions, they help me to get out of bed each morning to care for them....when really all I want to do is stay in bed.....

Please feel free to talk about what your interests are or how your traveling right now..

Looking forward to getting to know you...

Grandy..

67 Replies 67

Hello Akasha_Torc, & welcome to the forum.

I hope the suggestions page is helpful.

If you are patient & think making some friends would help, you might like to take a look at what your local council might have to offer. Or maybe, google an interest you have like, 'choir' or which could be shared, something like + 'over 45' + your suburb & state. See want turns up. You might find a group to join & from there, meet someone who could become a good friend. I know this could take time.

I'll be around, just maybe not as frequently as I have been before this month. 

I keep hearing different ideas about when one becomes officially 'old', 'fat' or even 'down' - nonetheless I think I might qualify on all three by someone's criteria.

All I am sure of is I am 60+ overweight, & feeling it, & if I look too closely, I'm down about what I see & feel & my situation & options, quite alot of the time. If I take another perspective, I think I really have a great deal to be glad I have in my life, now, including BB friends, like dear Grandy.

& now you have found this Discussion Grandy started, I can 'Follo' & more easily find it again. 😺💖Thank you, Akasha_Torc

Thinking of you, Grandy & furbabies, 💖💖💖💖

mmMekitty

 

Ggrand
Community Champion
Community Champion

Hello Dear Akasha_Torc,

I would also like to welcome you to our forums….

 

I do hope in the links thread, that you find something useful for you…

 

Trying to find support when we get older is very hard to find….I was lucky that my Dr. found an organisation to help support me….in my mental health….Unfortunately a couple of weeks ago, they told me that I’ve been dropped from the program as at the end of August as others need their services more then I do…..Strange though, I haven’t heard from my support worker since…so I’m thinking that now all my supports are now gone…and she left me earlier….not even a good bye, good luck for the future….just silence….

 

Maybe dear Akasha, if you have a chat with your Dr..they might be able to help organise some kind of support for you….

 

We are all for you, and if you feel up to it…please drop into here anytime you want to…..I’m wondering if you have  started your own thread….if so please pop in here and let us know your thread title so myself and others can chat to you their….and help support you there as well…

 

Do you have any hobbies, or things that help you on a down day?…

 

We are here to listen to you, chat to you about anything you feel up to talking about..

 

My kindest thoughts lovely Akasha….with my care..

Grandy..

 

 

 

 

 

Fiatlux
Community Member

Hi Grandy,

 

I am so glad that I found this.

 

Although I am now back living in my old house, it is still very lonely.

 

I spend my time in a very small area of the house. Kitchen, Family room and bedroom. The house was built for a large family. We need to downsize, but this is difficult at the moment.

 

I have migrated to working from the dining room table. I can see out the back window, so it makes working from home a little better. It's just far to cold to work in the office this winter. 

 

I must say that I am really feeling my age right now.

 

I hope you have a lovely week and speak soon.

Ggrand
Community Champion
Community Champion

Hello Dear Fiatlux,

 

I have a smallish 2 bedroom home…yet I spend most of my time in my lounge room….going to the kitchen for food and drinks and the bathroom…that’s it…I rarely go into my bedroom, or the spare room and dining room…..sleeping on the lounge has become my normal now….

 

Nice you can see out your window while you’re working…even though I haven’t seen your office, I think it’s a good idea…from my lounge room I can watch the cows across the road and the birds out front..being able to watch and listen to them help give me some peace from my ever chatty brain….

 

I bought some odd balls of wool over the past few weeks from the op shop…I find it strange, that when I saw the wool, I was so positive and motivated I would use it….I took it out this weekend, casted on some stitches started a row and put it all away….very disheartening…My mind see things that I want to do…..then, what happens?…my mind then takes it away from me…..How much I wish my/our brain would unite into one…I am starting to believe that depressed people got two different brains….is this just me thinking silly 😁…or does this come with ageing..

 

Wishing everyone a beautiful day today…

 

Hugs and care…🤗🌹💕.

 

Grandy..

 

 

 

 

mmMekitty
Valued Contributor
Valued Contributor

Hello Grandy, Fiatlux. Akasha_Torc, Amelia, & everyone,

I bought some wool too, a deep grey, & couldn't find the beginning of the ball. I thought I would like to plait a new hatband & belt with it, but not finding the beginning of the ball was enough to remove all enthusiasm & motivation I had when I firt had the idea.

Motivation & ongoing enthusiasm & even having any initial interest in doing things, has been the most stubborn issues for me, since my teenage years, too, I guess. I am not sure, I've maybe been interested in doing a handful of things over the years.

I'm rather surprised I have become more interested in cooking, the baking especially, this year. I didn't much care before, on into my 40s at least, but gradually wanted more variety & to not only eat take-away & convenience meals. & nobody was cooking for me, so I had to figure out some things myself. I want' trying to be creative or anything, just trying out a few things. But recently, windter is encouraging me, because the cold, being cold, that is triggering for me, so I want to warm up my flat, to get my entire body warm, when I can't stand the feeling cold anymore. That's not what I would think is a positive motivation, but it's what I got right now. (Baking a little pizza using puff pastry, right now 😺). It makes me feel better, not cold now, & more relaxed as a result. & it's comfort food too - I acknowledge that. 

Living alone is tough when I would like help, when I do feel in need of some company. Certain time, but I'm really not sure I could live with anyone. Ideally, I think I'd like an android, like a person shaped, really smart, android. (Not available anywhere on Earth,  please stay tuned for further updates.. & one day..💤💤dreaming aren't I?)

Warmly,

mmMekitty

Grandy just find this thread and catching up on the posts. 
I also buy wool, needles, material, magazines for collage ,from op shop where I volunteer.

I have box full of wool,  only manage small squares which one day I want to join them.

I have books I want to write,collages I want make, poetry I want to write  but I am unmotivated. I have so many ideas but little energy.m

 

Fiatlux
Community Member

Hi Lovely People,

 

It is so good to read your posts. I love how you can still be motivated to be crafty and creative. The one good thing I remember about my mother was her needlepoint work. She did the most beautiful embroidery. My MIL also knitted and was part of a knitting circle a few years back. She knitted my son a gorgeous waist coat, which I have put away for his child, one day. I was never ever good at knitting. I tried.

 

I am currently listing to a BB Podcast series. I generally have music playing softly all day. Makes the day go by.

 

I realised that I was completely alone very early on in life. My parents where not the type of people that you could turn to. 

 

From primary school on, it was always very difficult making friends. Friends would ask questions, which I couldn't answer honestly. Innocent questions like, what did you get for Christmas. The answer was generally Nothing. I received money from my Aunts but not my parents. I think my Father thought that new clothes and new shoes just fell into our wardrobes. I was buying my own clothes from age 10 onwards. 

 

Making friends now seems almost impossible. Even at work, I never socialised with coworkers. I hated answering questions. I focused purely on parenting my children. I hope I did a good job there.

 

At least here I don't have to explain to anyone what I have been through, what I am still going through.

 

About the "Chatty Mind" this can happen to me. I have small spurts of concentration before invasive thoughts can take over.

 

I actually liked living alone in my 2 bedroom unit. It was cosy. If I did some baking or roasting during the day, the oven would heat the entire place. I have kept my place as I feel that I will end up back there. Living in a large house is not sustainable in the long term. I can't see my older children moving back here with me.

 

I signed up to a meetup group for Women over 50, for a coffee and friendship but I have never ever attended, not even after the many lockdowns ended. For now a virtual coffee and friendship group I can manage.

 

Have a great evening. 

mmMekitty
Valued Contributor
Valued Contributor

Hi everyone,

When young, not having kids around who wanted to be friends with me, reduce the number of awkward answers to ‘normal’ questions. I didn't want to explain about my family, how we lived at home, why this & that. I would have been happier simply left alone, but there was bullying.

One important thing to remember: you do not have to answer any questions put to you. You don't have to apologise for not answering either. Talk about what you want, to who you want. You are in control of what you say here. 

I tend to use questions to prod my thinking, to see for myself where my thinking is when the question is asked. My feelings change, are more or less intense at different times, & how comfortable I feel answering also changes.

I get bothered when asked who to list as my next of kin, who to call in an emergency, & who I live with, which often means, which family members I live with, i.e. who looks after me. I can't possibly live alone & look after myself at all. When I was younger the assumption was I lived with my parents.

People don't know our past like we do. I find the assumptions made before the questions are asked, are overly optimistic, as if wanting our relationships to be wonderful, so (I think) they don't have to have any concern. Someone asking a question in order to be reassured everything is great, ought not ask the question.

Sometimes questions are required to be asked, mostly for filling forms & such. Even these routine things feel intrusive, & require I reveal things I'm not wanting to reveal to just anyone. It takes me a long time to feel I know someone well enough to open up & talk.

*Living alone: I'd like four (at least) walls, windows in all, for seeing the moon & clouds, sunrise & sunset, where rain is coming from - & (hopefully) where the birds are & I want to get some breeze through the place sometimes.

I'm uncomfortable with sounds of life close to me, while I’m doing things, listening to books, music, etc.

I think I am 'stuck in my ways, too'.

*

I think, the virtual social group is a good way to get to interact with others.

I also like a group that meets for a purpose, so you know what may be discussed during the meetings. Eventually, I now know, I could feel more comfortable & enjoy the interactions more, like I did when I had the writers' group to go to.

Warmly, 💖

mmMekitty

Ggrand
Community Champion
Community Champion

Hello Everyone….🤗hugs.

 

I am so sorry that you were bullied at school mmMeKitty…..I was saddened to hear that….it pulls at my heartstring when I hear of bullying..past and present……I was bullied right through my school years..but for silly things….one was my hair…it was and still is a fizzy mess…Oh how that caused me to hate my hair…and that hate for my hair is still with me today….another was for my maiden name….and another for my clothes….being a girl…I wasn’t important enough to have nice clothes or even a school uniform…..yet those silly things back then when we were young really does hurt and it goes deep…deep enough for me to jig school…yes that’s what I done to get away from the bullies….until my parents found out..mum just stood their and watched my dad lash out all his embarrassment I caused him by jigging school…I never jigged school again….the bully’s kept bullying me…school wasn’t a safe place for me…but it was safer then my home was..

 

I am wondering…what you do of a day to keep yourselves busy…especially if you live alone…Do you have hobbies or just walk around your home all day looking for things to do/clean…I have had this problem since my husband passed away….I start things only to put them away again and again because idk if it’s my motivation, laziness or my depression causing me to do this all the time….I do know some things I try are triggering memories for me…

 

I am going to start a project…something I’ve never done before..a terrarium, I was going to start it today…last night I was so hyped up and ready to start it today, but this morning I looked at some of the things I have to get started and then walked away….

 

Does this happen to anyone who’s listening here?….How do I get started without me forcing every fibre in my body to start, because when forcing myself to do something…that something only lasts a few minutes before I can’t do it anymore…

 

Looking forward to hearing…what keep you busy through your days…

 

Kind thoughts, hugs, love and my  care to you all…

Grandy..

 

 

 

mmMekitty
Valued Contributor
Valued Contributor

😺Hello Grandy & everyone,

So much teasing & bullying from the earliest years on through the lives of so many people, is it no wonder we have so much of this sort of problem in workplaces? When I was young, it was treated as nothing much, par for the course of childhood, & never taken seriously - at least until teachers were targeted. Gets messy then.

Anyhow, I dealt with it by separting by location, school was one location, which I thought very little about when home, & home was a location I thought very little about when I was there. Same for any other place, & over time as well. & then it was rooms in the house, then I split my brother into two. 

*

Daily, I guess I do some things, like my own cooking, checking email, with little to answer, personal care stuff. I'm not good at keeping a routine, but I do have meds to take regularly. I like a little tv some days, listen to books & music much more often. I will do someof my own washing up, but I have someone to help with the housework. Mostly my back hurts when using the vacuum, or when lifting, carrying, doing lots of things in front of me. I have a washer & dryer, so I don't have to hang washing outside anymore. That helped a lot. My helper even helps with changing the sheets on my bed.

I never really 'owned' responsibility for my housework. Doing any of that was triggering for me - now it is physical conditions that stop me, so I still don't ever feel I'm able to do any part of that well enough. I felt so very embarrassed to have someone in, but now, because she is both professional & friendly, very kind & caring too, I don't feel embarrassed anymore.

I wonder what I do all day! Several minutes can be spent looking for things, trying to remember where, or what I was doing too. There are times I haven't found my phone or shoes for half an hour. 

I pause so often, reviewing what I'm writing here, it will take an hour to write this post.

I'm still getting tired, having catnaps, my legs get too painful to continue - not much more tonight, I think. ... 

💖💖💖💖

mmMekitty