Struggling

[blues23]

1. Having a bad time lately lots of things happening at work I went to work safe cause of Persistent bullying behaviour from co workers , and ever since I did this my anxiety is thru the roof I have so many people poking prodding making me relive the things those people did to me I am so sad and scared and just want it all to stop all I want is a safe work place where I won’t be bullied threatened and assaulted is this too much to ask ? Obviously it is I’m my workplace 

[blues23]

Hi James 

yes I had one session of counseling so far have another at the end of the month . I have my case manager from Work safe come to my drs appointment nxt week which is a bit scary as I know she’s trying to force the issue of return to work I know eventually I have to go to work of some description but back there ? To that he’ll hole ? It seems impossible to even fathom that thought. I know the Hr investigation is done nothing as I bumped into a client today at the shops he was like oh the other staff don’t help much ect ect I was like oh . And I told him not to tell anyone he saw me .i don’t trust my work at all . Or my ohs supervisor who lied about my piawe rate so they have to recalculate . So don’t trust them one bit  and absolutely dread the thought of having to return to the he’ll hole that is my work 

[james1]

Hey blues23,

I'm really sorry it's taken me a couple of weeks to respond. It's been pretty stressful and I've not had exercise which is normally a bit of self-care. But things have quietened down at work again, and I'm about to take a day and half off to travel to Melbourne. I'm hoping to see Hamilton again, which will be great.

How did your counselling session go? I am guessing you have had it by now? I really hope they don't try to force you to go back to work. It sounds like that would be really unhelpful for your mental health, though you will still have your counsellor/doctor, and us, to work out a plan and support you either way. Let me know how that goes. 

James

[blues23]

Hi james

sounds like you have some fun plans ahead . Counseling is still a work in progress I don’t really feel much better in the sense of  being able to face going back to work In my normal every day life I can manage but as soon as that comes up I go right back to that panic and fear of going back to work , it’s really hard to manage . My dad asked me when I was going back to work which set my heart racing with fear and dread he knows I’m injured and off on work cover and most of the bullying I’ve had to endure yet he asks me when ? When will my injury heal ? When will I go back? I honestly don’t think I can I have so much trauma and it’s bearly even surfaced it’s times like this I can’t deal and struggle , counselling is ok but it’s not helping me much in dealing with what’s happened to me . How can I ever face it I don’t know .

[james1]

Hey blues23,

Thanks, yes Melbourne was nice.

I'm glad to hear you are able to go to the counselling and it's been okay, even if not great. In my experience, counselling and therapy is something that often doesn't seem to help immediately, and it's actually really hard to see how it could help. But it's often a way to give the person stable support which they've not necessarily experienced before, to grow and find a path over time. In my mind, I think of it more as skills development and training rather than 'help'. I certainly look back now and wonder how on earth I managed to get to where I am, but feel confident and safe knowing that I was the one who did it, with my psychologist there supporting me the whole time.

I'm not sure that directly answers your thoughts, but I did just want to say that I had very similar thoughts six years ago, but through therapy and counselling, I seem to have found a way forward that I can be proud of. My hope is that counselling will also give you the support you need to one day face the trauma you currently feel, and you'll also be surprised by what you'll be capable of.

Anyway, I hope you are doing well this week. I understand you're still feeling a fair bit of pressure to go back to work, and I hope you can find the space and time to just relax and take some of that pressure off.

James

[blues23]

Thanks James not sure how I feel my work is still being dodgy as anything including trying to set up HR meeting with me to discuss this bullying outcome ( with all of 3 hours notice ) I told work safe who wernt very pleased my work is still playing dodgy . Not sure of the outcome but work safe says they are scared this meeting has been set up to cause me more harm and that it will set my mental health back enormously. Which I think is correct my anxiety has been thru the roof trying to deal with all the dog acts my work keeps doing to me it’s really draining. I hope like u say one day I will be able to deal with the trauma but I think the only way out is to be out of that work place and never go back the toxic environment is so rooted so deep there’s no way change will occur. 

[james1]

Hey blues23,

3 hours notice is ridiculous! I'm glad to hear you have work safe on your side, as it really does sound like it's just going to cause a lot more harm than good. I think you are right that you should avoid going back to that environment as much as possible. Some places really just are bad for us and need to be avoided.

What are the next steps in this process to hopefully sever ties completely?

James

[blues23]

Hi james

im not sure what the next process is . I have to go thru this meeting still but is at my decision when & what time with adequate support in place including support person & counseling afterwards. I no doubt it will not go smoothly and as always there won’t be enough evidence to support my claims despite being injured because of it . Cause my manager wasn’t documenting all the incidents of bullying ( lucky I was and have quite a paper trail ) I suppose next step is healing ; or at least trying to heal I don’t think I’ve even begun physically or mentally healing ( I keep myself very busy to not have to deal too much because it’s a lot ) then I guess go back to some form of work or work safe re trains me to do something else ( apparently is an option but way down the track ) I’m very conflicted as the pay is very good , but can I keep it or king with my mental health and  wellness being over looked just for money.  I don’t know it’s very hard .on top of it all I have yobbos for neighbours whose massive dog broke into my yard and smashed my fence causing a whole lot of chaos which has left me feeling like I need to move now due to not feeling safe in my own home . 

that’s my chaos.  Hows things with you going?

[james1]

Hey blues23,

Okay, that's good that it's your call now so you can find a way to make sure you are supported properly for it. If you like, you can let us know when you set the date and tell us how it goes afterwards. While we won't necessarily be able to schedule in support like you can with a doctor or psychologist, we can make sure to be here for you and keep this thread a safe space for you.

It sounds like healing and just a mental break could be very helpful afterwards. I understand there's also the financial consideration, so it may not be a simple choice. But perhaps there is some way to balance the two to ensure you still have financial stability, but you also get the rest you so clearly need.

Things are okay for me. The last couple of months have been a bit stressful with some personal issues that are causing me a bit of worry, so I've just been taking it a bit easy. I also really don't like the Christmas period as I tend to feel really lonely over Christmas, and I've noticed my anxiety about that and loneliness generally creeping up a bit. It'll be okay as it happens every year and I get through it. I'll be going to see Phantom of the Opera tomorrow night which is exciting. I think this will be the fourth or fifth time I've seen it in some form or another.

James

[blues23]

Hi james

your right on finding the balance on financial & having a break from the stress and anxiety around my work . I know it triggers me so it’s like well can I return it can u be transferred or just quit but these all things I will have to consider after I find out if my work is going to remove the bully’s or keep them on that’s the deciding factor I think as I can’t go thru more . The meeting will probably  be after school holidays as I have my day hike with me at the moment and she knows far too much bout what’s happening to me to be subjected to listening to the meeting she’s only a child so it’s a bit difficult but u know these kids pick up every conversation u ever have lol,.I know what u mean in regards to Xmas it’s a bit of a hard one for me too but try to keep busy . Phantom sounds great I’ve not seen it . I’m going to the melb show and going to Sydney soon so hopefully get some break in between all that keeping up walking and just trying to do enjoyable things in between trying to sort out what’s gonna happen next and what will this meeting do to me . It’s quite a lot .

[james1]

Hey blues23,

I'm glad to hear you know what triggers you and you are treating it seriously, even if your old work place doesn't respect that. I think that's a really wise choice to see what your work will do with the bullies and see if you can have the meeting at a time that suits you. Kids really do pick up everything you say, and equally, I imagine you want this conversation to be about you and your needs, without having to worry about what kids pick up just by being around.

Walking is nice. Being outside and doing something physical was also one of my key strategies for staying mentally able to push on, even if it was just a slow stroll. So I'm right there with you on that one!

James