Poor memory?

[white knight]

There can be many reasons for a depleted memory. Medications over many years can be one reason, age, medical causes like dementia or even daily stress. What ever the reason one thing is certain- those you communicate with wont know your memory is poor and even if they do like a spouse would know, that doesnt mean it will sink in as to why you forget things.

Of the many examples of a poor memory and the effect it has on our lives one stands out more than others for me. In conversation if I'm talking about a topic, say I'm about to list 3 reasons to visit my GP and I'm interupted half way through the first reason...then I will completely forget about the other 2 reasons. This places stress on me that even if I said "one moment and I'll finish" I would not be able to retrieve my thoughts. That has a ripple effect in that it becomes a clash. "Dont interrupt me" I'll react. To the other person all they are doing is carrying out normal conversation back and forth expressions. To the person with the leaking memory it feels like poor manners, disrespect or self centred thoughts i.e. more thinking about what they want to say rather than listening. Two sides to every story- I could be a "rambler" one who talks too much with little room for replies.

You might forget the ritual of putting a notebook in your pocket. Ok, so you put a note up next to your bed "notebook"...but you forget to read the note!. A mobile phone alarm is a good option...can you remember how to set it? Remember to do AM or PM hours?

Poor memory can lead to an increase in anxiety as you pressure yourself to remember anniversaries, birthdays and the like. Several years ago I told my family that birthdays are out for me...I'll only give gifts at xmas time. That way I'm not obliged to remember as if I forget, I could be frowned upon.

I'm a classic case of a person that beats themselves up on these sorts of traditional expectations. No one would expect a paraplegic to walk but like all mental deficiencies everybody expects you to think normally. Our drawbacks are out of their sight so- out of their mind. That is normal- we cannot demand attention to these invisible disabilities, so what is the ideal remedy?

A poor memory and impatience can result in conflict. We need to understand that repeating ourselves to others in a polite manner to remind them that we cannot remember is the main tool of our communication storeroom. "I'm sorry I cant recall" is better than "I have a poor memory REMEMBER"!

TonyWK

[Annas1]

Hi TonyWK,

thanks for this thoughtful opening. Memory difficulties are an important issue in society as many individuals and families will need to adjust to changes in this aspect of a person's functioning at some point in life. Now being in mid-life, I'm aware that my memory isn't as sharp as it once was. This is a cause for some consternation - I used to pride myself on my recall and quick learning. For me the issue is only one of dimmed powers, but when a person becomes aware of more significant changes this must be very challenging to confront. The big bogie these days is dementia, and I too have fears around this prospect. In fact it is one of the things that can fuel insomnia - because of course lack of sleep can contribute to mental decline!

In my more zen state of mind I think of memory as analogous to any other bodily attribute - strength, fitness, hearing, eyesight, for example. Growing less strong (cf weak), less fit (cf invalid), or having hearing loss or reduced vision are part of the ageing process. By analogy then, one's memory becomes less reliable or more limited as we age. So a normal process, if not exactly appealing. And frankly, remembering tricky spelling is now passe with word processing!

I'm also an inveterate name forgetting - right after being introduced for the first time! This however is explained by the cognitive effort being used to engage socially and emotionally with someone - there is just no more room left in the executive centre for retaining trivia like someone's name. Of course people's names aren't trivia, but they are the second priority after gaining rapport. I sometimes try to do both cognitive tasks when feeling at ease (i.e. not anxious), but it's still hard to do!

Lastly, the prospect of dementia itself is a real doozy. Perhaps you would like to take up the conversation on how you think about this important subject?

[white knight]

Hi Annas

I don't know much about dementia.

I have however written about assisting the memory.

https://www.beyondblue.org.au/get-support/online-forums/staying-well/symbolic-tokens-to-assist-the-m...

I agree about lack of sleep, as an ex security guard I could never get enough rest.

TonyWK

[quirkywords]

Tony

My memory was really good when until I in my fifties and then I started to forget ns es, dates, memories, information snd much more.

my mum had dementia so every time I forget something and yes I know dementia is much more than forgetting, I worry I will end up like my mum.

I did know if I relax when I can’t think of a word , it will come a few seconds later.

Thanks for the topic