Intrusive thoughts

[Toby_Lace]

Hi all, this my first post. Hoping to gain some relief from persistent intrusive thoughts that have taken hold and taken control of my life. I am having troubles dislodging them. I feel if I confess the thoughts I might gain some relief but I also feel I cant tell anyone because I fear their judgement and the consequences of my confession. I feel hopeless and have little joy in my life. I have started to catastrophise about my life and career and my future. I am at a loss as what to do. I want to feel ' normal', happy and optimistic again.

[blondguy]

Hi Toby

You have a great thread happening here. I understand where you are coming from about 'being judged' by family members...It takes a lot to let them know for sure.

I used to have severe anxiety for 13+ years followed by depression...for 21 years..(manageable through my great GP)

I was out of work a couple of years ago and my postie said "are you on holidays"? After 30+ years of keeping up my charade I just replied "no...Im not on holidays....I have clinical depression and been off work for a while" I just didnt care anymore when I said that.

It actually felt great to say that I was crook for a change......

It turned out that he also had depression too...There are many people with varying forms of mental disorders....circa 3,000,000 Million Australians

My Kind thoughts

Paul

[Toby_Lace]

Thanks for your reply, Paul.

It must have been a relief to be able to speak openly and honestly about your illness. I am not quite there yet. As a mum I dont want my kids to worry and I feel that I need to be the strong one. I am holidaying with my family at the moment and am suffering in silent agony. I have fleeting moments of calm but overall my anxiety and intrusive thoughts are so overwhelming I feel that I cant cope. But I have to be a mum. Also, it is so close to xmas I dont want to ruin it for everyone.

How do you deal with your severe anxiety?

Thanks again for your reply

[blondguy]

Hi Toby

I understand that its hard to to speak openly about our issues. I think I 'hid' my chronic anxiety for nearly 15 years. Just in my case the anxiety became worse due to infrequent counseling and me refusing to take any meds too

I had two GP's that read me the riot act about medication (the pro's) and I eventually agreed to a small dosage of an antidepressant. (Just for me) After a week or so the anxiety reduced by about 75%.....and my intrusive thoughts as well. I also agreed to weekly counseling which worked so well. I also take an anti anxiety med when needed too if my sleep goes downhill. Lack of quality sleep can be an open door for anxiety....as you know

Even 22 years later I see my GP for a 'fine tune' and a therapist every 4 months

The good news is that the anxiety does dissipate 🙂 Maybe not all of it but those dark periods of severe anxiety have gone.

Suffering in silent agony I remember...it was horrible Toby. It takes mega determination, patience and a super strong commitment......but you will find greater peace.

Your health is paramount Toby Lace. Anxiety/depression is no different to diabetes/high blood pressure/a broken limb....they all need attention like a tired mind does.

Thankyou too for posting back to everyone!!

My Kind thoughts for you

Paul

[Toby_Lace]

Thanks so much, Paul. The only thing that works for me at the moment is alcohol, and I know that that is not a good option. It is also the only way I can get to sleep. I am off to my GP next week. Hopefully we can discuss options for medication and counselling.

All the best

[blondguy]

Hey Toby

No worries 🙂

Great to have you as a part of the forum family. The forums are non judgemental place to be a part of.....I know I wouldnt be here if they were judgemental....seriously.

I didnt mention above...sorry....I hope you have a good holiday too!

My Best

Paul

[smallwolf]

To the OP (and Anne?)

(I am a slow learner but was able to see a GP before it all hit the fan. Truth be told, I was probably in this state for a few years, and as each year went on what is considered normal for myself got worse and worse. Anyway, after I saw the GP was referred to a psych. who was then able to get a mental health plan created. The things you referred to my your post(s) are the exact same thought I had. Put bluntly, I am a "all or nothing", "future prediction" and "catastrophizing" individual. When it comes to cognitive disorders, I ticked all the boxes.... unfortunately. That said, by periodically see my psych, am getting the _tools_ I need in order to return some sort of norm that isn't depressive or anxiety based. I am a work in progress, at the beginning of this new journey, but desperately seeking hope for light at the end ... I have to trust my psych.

On keeping up the charade... I probably did til I hit rock bottom and I cannot tell you what to do... in my case, and now, all the important people in my life know and then some. Also, for different reasons people find out one by one. When someone asks me how I am, I won't say "OK"... I will tell them the truth. Helps to work out those to care from those that don't.

Best of luck with the interview and know that are alone.

[Toby_Lace]

Thanks, Smallwolf. You have offered some great advice. I guess the key is finding someone you can trust to confide in. I am hoping that I can invest my trust in a good pysch. The things I have to confess I feel great shame about and fear judgement. I think it will be good to get it out of my head. It is good to know that you are not alone in what can be a monumental struggle.

Thanks again for replying

[RadDad75]

Hi Toby,

I have a long history with anxiety and in recent years some trouble with horrible intrusive thoughts so i can completely understand what you are going through. Rather than take medication i now want to face the curse my self. I have stopped drinking alcohol and this has made a huge difference in the short term so am hoping it will be even better in the long term. I now also meditate and practice mindfulness this has also been a big help. I am now seeing a counsellor and she is fantastic. I would like to recommend you read a book called "brain lock". It is designed for people with OCD who are having intrusive thoughts. Not suggesting you have OCD but it will definitely help you understand intrusive thoughts. Good luck on your journey.

[Doolhof]

Hi Everyone,

Toby, finding someone you can trust enough to share everything with is amazingly beneficial. I also found it very helpful to write stuff down, to get all the shame, guilt and misery out of my mind and soul. I then ripped up the paper into tiny fragments.

RadDad, congratulations on managing to control your alcohol intake. For me it is food and binge eating. Meditation and mindfulness are good, sometimes it is hard for me to stick to though!

Smallwolf, wishing you well with your journey to recovery and getting to know yourself better.

Everyone: I guess we need to decide who we will tell about our mental health issues if we do at all. Some people will understand, some may try to help, others may just think you are "crazy" and leave you alone. Other people's reactions are a reflection on them, not on you!

Cheers all from Dools

[Toby_Lace]

Thanks, RadDad. I will certainly look that title up. I am also dealing with a fair bit of neurotic guilt. It is sending me crazy. I am also experiencing panic attacks that feel like my life is coming to an end. It is a terrible feeling. I find meditation and mindfulness very difficult. Counselling seems like the best route. Atleast a good first step

Thanks for your reply