Anxious at work

[Unsure of my life]

I’ve just started a new job recently. The role has a lot more responsibility then my previous role and when hired they knew I had not worked in this particular industry before. I feel like he is expecting so much of me. Most of the others that work there have worked with him for over 10 years so they know what they are doing and how he works. For me it’s not that easy and I feel like I have to fend for myself. Things have gotten uncomfortable with my boss to the point where I’m terrified of confronting him even for just a small question. He has become very unapproachable. I’m terrified of him and I feel like he thinks i’m Disappointing him and not going a good job. Feared that he will fire me. The more anxious I get the more mistakes I make and absolutely terrified to tell him. I’ve had to take the rest of the week off work as my anxiety levels are through the roof. Still terrified of returning. Will he take me aside?? What do I say?

[Summer Rose]

Hi. I was in your position once, a long time ago at the start of my career. I understand your fear and uncertainty.

Like you, I wasn't necessarily perfect for the role when hired, but my boss had given me the chance because he believed in me. I initially felt that I had bitten off more than I could chew and one day I left the office and decided I just couldn't go back. I felt I had to resign before everyone found out I was a failure. I phoned my boss the next day. His reaction surprised me.

He hadn't even realised that I was struggling, but once I explained the situation he offered me additional support to see me through the challenges I was facing. I worked for that company for more than ten years and finished up in an executive position.

What I am trying to say is that no one can help you if they don't know there's a problem. Sometimes anxiety tricks us into making assumptions. Your boss may simply be busy and troubled with other matters--his current mood may have nothing to do with you. Your co-workers may be helpful if you reach out--they may have had a similar experience when they started at the company. If there's an HR department that's also an option to explore potential next steps.

I can't guarantee how your company will respond if you do choose to raise your issues but if they aren't willing to help, particularly as the workplace helped to create the current situation in the first place, then it may not be the workplace for you.

I am happy to keep this conversation going if you want to keep talking.

[Unsure of my life]

Thank you.

I have spoken to a couple of My colleagues but not in too much detail. One of the girls mentioned feeling the same way when she started and it took her 8 months to get to a comfortable situation with him. She told me not to quit. It’s just so uncomfortable right now. I can see it when he looks at me. We hardly even talk anymore. He’s used to working with people with experience in the industry but hired me knowing I hadn’t. I’m just terrified of having the conversation as I honestly don’t know what to say and don’t want to cry in front of him. Very emotional and stressed at the moment

[Summer Rose]

Hi again. I can understand you being emotional and teary--and it's okay to feel that way. Be kind to yourself. Take the time you need to regain your composure.

When you feel up to it, I have a suggestion that may help. Think about the ways that you can gain the required industry knowledge that will make your boss' job of training you easier. For every perceived potential weakness, devise a solution. Could be a site visit to a supplier or customer, could be a subscription to an industry association, magazine or website or could just be time spent reading through internal files/documents. Use your co-workers--pick their brains to better understand their roles and how the business works. You may also consider asking for an internal mentor (like a buddy system)--this can be informal or formal. This doesn't have to cost the business, you just need someone else to go to with questions who will hopefully be more supportive.

Make a list of ideas. You can be proactive and discuss it with the boss at a time that suits you (when you're feeling stronger) or just be prepared if he initiates a conversation with you. If you can't handle a meeting alone with the boss find someone in the organisation that can attend with you as a support person.

And always remember-you landed the job. The evidence shows you have skills, talent and you know how to present and sell yourself. Just take things one step at a time.