I need your help

[Guest_3712]

Hi Friends,

I have been following your posts and sending what  positive thoughts I can muster your way.

As you know I have been struggling with a lot of issues and like a lot of you confused with the different advice I am given. I am sick to my stomach with conflicting thoughts and feelings.

I am so lucky to have the best psych around, but at the end of the day he can't feel what I feel. You guys can and I have missed our posts and your support.

I have been coping/( or not) by taking more meds than necessary just to zone out and get through the day. I am still working and managing to put on the ' mask' for everyone.

My anxiety attacks are just under the surface.

When will this end.?

Mares, Jo, Neil I am inspired by your tenacity to keep on going and still think of others

. I am so self absorbed at the moment I hate who I am

Be kind to your self

Stressless

[geoff]

dear Stressless, I am so pleased that your post has continued, it's like losing a really good friend when someone says 'it's their last post'.

As much as our psych believes that they understand what we are going through, then only this will take credit if they themselves have gone through depression, because a book or lecturer can never ever describe this actually feeling, and then try and relate it back to them, because by the time they try and explain it, the student is bored and loses touch.

If however they have been through it themselves then they know what the hell it all means.

Eventually the mask will become tiresome and you will then drop it, it always does, because pretending is hard work, too difficult to continue with.

Being self absorbed only means that you're been looking inwards at yourself, because you have been faking for such a long time, and you know that's not you, so now you need to find yourself, depressed or not.

No one ever knows when yours or anybody else's depression will stop, it's the million dollar question, I only know from myself that one day I lived in hell, and when I woke up the next day I knew that it was going, I felt the world had lifted off my shoulders, why, well maybe from a few major changes in my life, but I'm sure that that wasn't the only reason. L Geoff. x

[Guest_3712]

hey Geoff,

Thanks so much for being here for me. I look at you as the matriarch of BB and value your opinion so much.

my psych actually said to me he could understand my depression and what was contributing to it but he couldn't feel what I was feeling. ( an honest psych yeah!)

then he said, "You obviously feel your depression but do you understand it?" AH NO!   which is why I am seeing him.  

I agree wearing the various masks we need to get through our day is tiresome the alternative scares the hell out of me.

I liken myself to that scene in 'Cliffhanger' , where Sly Stallone is hanging on to the girl about to fall into this huge chasm. He holds on for as long as he can but finally he no longer can -

I am afraid if I 'let go' I will never come back- the terror is just bubbling away under the surface of my chest.

Stressless

[JessF]

Hello Stressless, I know you can't just flip a switch in your brain easily, but what if in that scene from Cliffhanger you were Sly instead of the girl? And the things you were letting go of were things like guilt, self-hate and self-blame? Or maybe pretend those things are John Lithgow and beat them up (I have always liked that movie, and Daylight as well. Nothing like a bit of action cheese)

[Guest_3712]

Hey Jess,

Thanks love your analogy.

truth is I don't know who I am in that scene. all I know is when I think of letting go the first thing that comes to mind is my sanity.

I have been down that awful long dark tunnel of despair and barely made it back- I don't think I have the strength to do it again, so I keep clinging on- but my finger nails are splitting and torn with the effort.

and so off I go, my work mask needs adjusting a bit so the terror isn't obvious to the outside world and when I accidently see myself in a mirror today I will try not to flinch at the refection only I can see

take care

Stressless

[SillySonia]

I have anxiety at present and tend to lie in bed not wanting to get up. I try not to let it overcome me though, easily said than done, I know. My family support network is practically non existent as I lived overseas and then returned only to find that they are now going to live overseas.

I tend to over think and over analyse. Maybe you do too. The trick is to try to soothe yourself, talk to yourself as you would to another. Don't 'buy into' your negative thoughts. Tell yourself that you are just having a temporary thought, that you will get through it. Also, find a distraction. I find doing jigsaw puzzles good for that.

I have been on and off meds. At the moment I am off them and am generally ok.

Try exercise too. A good cardio workout is good for stress relief.

I guess you have heard all this before. I know its difficult.

[Neil_1]

Hi Stressless

Can I please say “Welcome back to you”.  I saw your name and dropped everything else (what a mess … stupid me for holding a coffee and a vanilla slice at the same time!!) and had to respond straight away.  Not that fast though as Geoff and Jess have already arrived.  🙂   By the way is it possible for a man to be a Matriarch?  😉

Cliffhanger is a ripper … the heights tend to freak me out a bit though.  But yes, some good analogies used there … you people just know how to strike an accord with me … as I LOVE a good analogy.

Stressless, I believe that no-one can know what it’s like to live with these constant feelings of conflicting thoughts (unless you've lived it) and just that underlying tension of stress and anxiousness … and I know what you’re saying exactly but when we go to describe it, it’s so difficult to do.  You’ve written your piece about it, and I’ve just put my spin on it and I think that sums up for me what it’s like and I believe you’d be in a similar boat as well.  I think it’s a big boat for so many of us suffer from these same feelings.  And yes, you just want to not have this stress/tension/anxiety all the time.

I read this morning on another post where this person wakes up and the mornings are so hard for them to get going.  I’m the opposite … I can get up and go … but as the day wears on, the feelings of despair and anxiety and nervousness increase.  I guess we’re all different, but in a way, we’re all the same as we suffer similar feelings – and you know, it wears you out.

Stressless, I’m sorry that this post hasn’t actually given any suggestions for coping etc … which is what I try to do all the time (and I’ll be buggered where I come up with them all – somewhere in my subconcious I guess), but on this occasion I’m just going to say that it is good to have you back here (I won’t say great, because that would mean that I was really wanting you to be back here – and I wasn’t – purely because if you weren’t I was hoping that in some way, shape or form, you may have gotten even a little bit better). 

But for now I must go and clean up that mess.  😉  🙂  

Neil

Ps:  there is no mess, I just added that in for comedic reasons!

[lethal55]

hi stressless

your doing your best thats all we can do

i have suggest a few thing to distract you in other posts 

here is a couple more counting backwards from a hundred or a thousand

plan the house of your dreams in your head

make bread from scratch realy pound the doe

put some old dance music on twist the sterss away

do somthink silly to break the tension  at home

i try to do monty pythone stuff even tryed the full monty 

try everythink you can one may help lethal

[Jo3]

Hi Stressless,

I am so glad to see your name on here again.  Although I wasn't as excited as Neil was!!! LOL

(Neil - where was our share of the vanilla slice!!!)

Hey you have been given some great advice from the others here, try and do a little or even one and see how you go.

I am glad that you have a great psych that is helping you.

Stressless, just take one day at a time; don't worry about tomorrow or the next day - just concentrate on one day; or if that's too hard do hour by hour.

Hope to chat again

Pls take care, thinking of you

Jo xx

[Guest_3712]

Hey Neil,

Glad to see you haven't lost your touch for 'comedic relief' since I've been gone.

It was like catching up with old friends seeing everyone's replies- I am humbled by the  thoughts and suggestions you all shared with me.

Lethal , you know I will use a couple of your distraction techniques, Jo I know where you are at so thanks for taking time out to reply, Sonia I don't think I have 'met you' before and I appreciate your advice.

Neil, sweet Neil you are like an oasis in my desert of despair. ( too much?) sorry I have been doing some writing during my absence from BB.

But you know what I mean. I am like you- I get up reasonably early and feel OK, take my dog for a walk along the beach, maybe a swim later and then work or whatever. By lunch time I am fading fast. By 3ish I am really struggling to find some positives to keep going.

Today before work I went on you tube and did some guided relaxation. It kept the black dog at bay long enough for me to get in my car and go to work.

I avoided all mirrors , and focussed on not letting my mask slip. It is such a relief to be able to come on here and not pretend. Not pretend everything is alright because it is not.

It is so not ok. On top of everything I have put on 10 kg in the last 3 months because of my meds, no matter if I exercise or not- so why bother? It's just this same cycle over and over.

It's like a ride I can't get off.

Neil I didn't know what the male equivalent was of a matriarch , let me know if you do but I hope Geoff is ok with it anyway,

goodnight guys , I wish each and everyone of you a restful sleep and a peaceful day tomorrow

Be kind to your self

Stressless