Anxiety and overthinking

[BeeBianca1]

Hi Guys,

I began to have what I think was anxiety around 5 years ago, I am now 23... I have been able to cope with it up until early in December around my Birthday when my partner had taken me out for a nice dinner.

We had just ordered, when all of a sudden out of no sitting in a not so crowded restaurant I felt this churning in my stomach a mix between fear and nausea, my heart rate was going a million miles an hour, the lump in my throat and heavy chest and with that came the sweats and what was sheer panic that I couldn't shake. I could barely talk let along try and pretend to my boyfriend that I was ok!

The next day I woke up to the exact same feelings. The fear of going 'crazy' lasted another two weeks, I tried everything natural under the sun to calm me, exercise, camomile tea, vitamin b, relaxation tapes, breathing, rescue remedy I had been down that path with a Psychologist before which worked but now, nothing really helped and I was so tired, exhausted my the constant over thinking.

I then convinced myself that I was having a heart attack one night in all of this because of a pain in my chest (something I had checked months ago) all came back fine but because of the anxiety I thought the worst of the worst. 

I am now seeing a psychologist, she said she thinks is generalised anxiety so I sort of understand it but still on my path to 'recovery' and there is a lot bullshit to try and let go of, but this time I have a safety net for when I am feeling like this and it is reassuring.

I still feel very alone, what is your anxiety like? Do you feel like your going Crazy? Do you also get these 'uncontrollable' thoughts of negativity that feed off your worst fears? Does anyone feel better and can it be controlled or am I a lost cause???

I know one thing though, this isn't going to beat me, I never stop myself from doing anything even if I feel so low or anxious because I don't want to create a fear and make it harder on myself. I am going to do everything in my power to control my anxiety, I research without trying to freak myself out, I am going to take up meditation and exercise more, cut down the hours of study to better manage my work/life/study balance and want to be a mentor to others who want to help themselves because even though I feel alone I know that I am not, well I am telling myself that...

I would love your feedback.

Bianca

[Pras]

Hey Bianca, 

You're not alone, I've had a very similar experience to what you had in the restaurant. Mine was when I was leaving the gym because I was feeling slightly light-headed, thankfully my girlfriend came with me. Walking to the car I started to get the odd-feeling that I didn't have control over my body and this set my heart racing uncontrollable, I could barely breathe and I was sure I was having a heart attack. My girlfriend had to call an ambulance, when they arrived they reassured me it was likely to be a panic attack. This was my first conscious encounter with anxiety. This was half way through last year. 

Since then my thoughts started to spiral negatively a lot of the time, I saw a psychologist for a few sessions and he confirmed that I had anxiety. I can definitely relate to what you describe as feelings of going crazy and the anxiety feeding on your worst fears, however I have good news. Over time those feelings really started to sub-side and I've been feeling much better. I think a lot of it for me just had to do with time, so you're definitely not a lost cause. I still get anxious thoughts from time to time but no where nearly as bad as they used to be and I'm sure with time what's left of my anxiety will be gone as well. 

What really helped me was that I had a mentor I could always call when I was feeling these anxious. At the start I would call him maybe twice a day and over time I reduced my dependency on him and now I barely call him regarding my anxiety. 

Also I think you have a great attitude towards your anxiety and it's so good that you don't let it stop you from doing anything. Just remember that dealing with anxiety can seem like a constant battle, but it's definitely one that can be won!

[BeeBianca1]

Hi Pras,

Thanks for your post its very reassuring. I just can't believe how powerful the negative thoughts can be or how I can always manage to convince myself I'm going crazy even when I know it's just my anxiety. It gives me hope that your anxiety subsided, I feel better on medication but don't want to be on it forever so hoping that I can learn to manage it even off mediation one day. Sometimes I find reading stuff on here about personal stories  can be worse for me as I always read into it so much and worry for my future but its nice to get positive feedback. Was your mentor a friend or a health professional?  I would like a mentor myself but a lot of my friends don't understand and I don't want to dump it all on my boyfriend.

[incubus]

Hi BeeBianca,

I don't recall ever suffering anxiety as acute as what you have described so I don't know how much help I will be.  One thing that leapt to mind when reading your post is that it seems like as time passed, ideas and thoughts had a compounding effect upon your anxiety.  It seems like a strategy that breaks the chain of compounding anxious thoughts may work well for you.  It's hard for me to say what may achieve this, but it may be worth trying to distract yourself just for long enough to break the chain.  Perhaps there's something that you're passionate and comfortable talking about that your bf could divert your attention to, or a particular type of music on your ipod that would serve this purpose.  Keep working on it until you find a strategy that works for you.

[Pras]

Hey BeeBianca 

I'm sorry it took so long for me to reply. I was lucky in that my mentor was a friend but was also a health professional. I know what you mean, I find that my friends don't understand at times as well. How are you coping with everything now? Did Incubus' strategy work? 

[Mary89]

Hi Bianca,

i replied to your other post also, but I just read this post and I had to reply and tell you that my first experience with anxiety was basically exactly the same as yours.

I am 24 and am a university student in a very stressful course. I have always had a tendency to stress a lot but the stress had never adversely affected me until September last year when I begun to experience anxiety. I think a key think that people in the general public don't realise is that there is a difference between stress and anxiety. Stress is normal, anxiety is a medical condition. When I first told my family how I was feeling they thought I was just 'stressed out' about exams, but this was far from the case. I was highly anxious and in fact the exams weren't even bothering me I was more concerned with the fact that I thought I was going crazy.

anyway, my first panic attack also happened when I was in a restaurant with my boyfriend. Nothing seemed to trigger it at the time and it seemed to come out of no where. Then I began to experience the physical symptoms. Chest tightness for example. Which would lead me to convince myself I was having a heart problem. Then I would have a headache and convince myself I had a brain tumour. I had this overwhelming feeling that 'something bad' was going to happen but if you asked me what that bad thing was I couldn't possibly tell you.

What you have to realise is your mind can have thoughts but you don't have to respond to the thoughts or buy into them. I'm interested to know what sort of technique your psychologist is using as I found the mindfulness approach amazingly effective. 

Anyway, sorry to respond  twice but I was just surprised at how similar our experiences were.