I lose all my motivation

C-S

I quitted my job on Oct last year because I was feeling burned out. I was tired to deal with the add-on work loads, phone calls and the lack of lunch break. But I really like the people I was working with. I started to look for new job on Feb this year, and was able to get an offer on March. I quitted again after 2 months because of the people and the complete lack of motivation to do any work, I was able to do my job but I just couldn't handle my co-worker who was constantly spreading her negativity. I also found it difficult to wake up early in the morning without feeling drained. I started browsing job ad again recently, but I was hesitate to apply just by looking at the role. The anxiety and lack of motivation associated with working outweigh the pay check. I feel like life is too long. I don't know how to explain this feeling. I don't know what is wrong with me

white knight

Hi, welcome

It's a difficult feeling to describe but you did well.

I think there could be an underlying mental health issue here mirroring depression so please see your GP.

Apart from that, life with people can be difficult. I recall decades ago as a prison officer, only 21yo when I joined a major jail, that if I didnt harden myself, the inmates would walk all over me. I realised that I had to equalise the aggression while keeping my empathy when I needed to offer it. That meant a slight change in nature because I was, well, a softy. It was hard for me to confront people, put them in their box so to speak, but then once I learned to equal the confrontation life became more tolerable. That negative work colleague you spoke of? well nowadays I'd be using wit and measured firmness to silence her. Then I wouldnt need to resign.

I've got a few links below, you only need to read the first post. I wrote these from my lived experience while in similar situations as your own. I hope they help. Reply anytime.

https://forums.beyondblue.org.au/t5/depression/depression-and-sensitivity-a-connection/td-p/47148

https://www.beyondblue.org.au/mental-health/work/burnout

https://www.beyondblue.org.au/mental-health/work/bullying-harassment

https://forums.beyondblue.org.au/t5/staying-well/depression-distraction-and-variety/td-p/275790

https://forums.beyondblue.org.au/t5/staying-well/wit-the-only-answer-for-torment/td-p/71440

"Among all the things we under-estimate... the seriousness of a mental illness is at the top..." (TonyWK)

"The animal kingdom is only the strongest survive... make sure you're in that mix..." (TonyWK)

TonyWK

C-S

Hi TonyWK,

My mental status fluctuate a lot as well. There were days that I felt depressed with the difficulty to get up or shower and lack of appetite, and tired of dealing with negative people. And days where I felt so powerful, full of hope with no reason, and was able to confront people. But at the end of every strong days, I can sense I'm almost out of fuel and about to stop functioning. These circle often, whenever I think I got better, my situation would go downhill in a few days. It's like my mood regulator is broken or something.

white knight

Sometimes we need to seek smarter ways to function. A good example of tnhis is as you mention, dealing with negative people.

I noticed my ex girlfriend was really witty and could shut down a negative or critical person in a few words often with a question. It's in this post-

https://forums.beyondblue.org.au/t5/staying-well/wit-the-only-answer-for-torment/td-p/71440

The up and down days can be the seasons, winter not so high in mood and summer you're elevated. It's common.

TonyWK