Hi, I’m natalie…
the 4th of may, i ended up going through a very traumatic experience. i ended up having a very severe anxiety attack. at the time i wasn’t aware it was my anxiety but looking back at it now, all the signs were there.
i was in the shower, then all of a sudden my bathroom walls starts closing in on me and my head was moving 100x a second, random thoughts and scary ones. i ended up going to my sisters that night and for the whole week as well. to this day i’m still dealing with it and severe episodes. my main fear is going crazy and ending up in my local psych ward. i have a daughter, she’s my rock and my world. also for context, i had locked myself in my house for about 6 months… barely saw my friends and when i did i would drink, go out clubbing. i’m such a social person as well. i love going out and seeing my friends and family but ever since my severe anxiety/panic attack i have to retire my brain to be social. i was at my local plaza yesterday and i had to leave within five minutes because it was all too much for me. luckily my best friend is more then perfect to accompany me in whatever i need to feel relaxed and safe.
sometimes i feel like an actual toddler learning how to do things again and not only that my brain likes to try and make me feel like i’m not real and things around me aren’t real as well.
it’s a constant battle, i have to pinch/bite myself and i’ve gone to the extent of putting my hand under scorching hot water to feel something… to feel like i’m alive…
i know i’m not crazy and i know it’s all in my head but i’m also very impatient and just want to feel ‘normal’ again…
also i have my first therapy session this friday which i’m so so excited for :))
