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Chris_B Forums etiquette: give support to receive support
  • replies: 0

Hi everyone, particularly any new members who may be reading. From time to time, we get contacted by members who are unhappy that they haven’t received a lot of replies to their posts. Our community champions work very hard to make sure that all newb... View more

Hi everyone, particularly any new members who may be reading. From time to time, we get contacted by members who are unhappy that they haven’t received a lot of replies to their posts. Our community champions work very hard to make sure that all newbies are welcomed when they first post, and we understand that it’s a big step to post for the first time on a forum like this, especially if you aren’t feeling great. It’s important to remember, though, that these forums are a community of real people, just like you, not a one-on-one support environment like going to see your psychologist. To get the best out of being here, one of the best tips we can offer is give support to receive support. Being a good community member means: participating in different threads (not just your own), replying to people who have taken the time to reply to you (even if it’s just to say thank you), and... posting words of emotional support and encouragement when you see others who are hurting and reaching out. You don’t have to feel obliged to solve the problems of others: that’s not what we’re here for. But you can offer empathy and what you’ve learned from your own life experiences, even if it’s just a line or two, eg. “I don't know what to say, but I want to give you my support and tell you I care about what is happening to you and hope life will get better soon.” Try to develop an interest in the journeys of others here on the forums. You may be surprised at how good being an active, caring member here can make you feel. For those of you who have had good experiences giving support here on the forums, please post in this thread here and let us know how it has helped you on your journey.

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bpdcarer BPD wife, moving forward and being happy
  • replies: 10

Hi, I am a mid 40s male, married for 16 years with 3 kids (11-15 years). My wife has undiagnosed BPD and refuses to get help. She doesn't know she has BPD but she checks all the boxes and 3 separate psychs (that I have seen alone) have told me that i... View more

Hi, I am a mid 40s male, married for 16 years with 3 kids (11-15 years). My wife has undiagnosed BPD and refuses to get help. She doesn't know she has BPD but she checks all the boxes and 3 separate psychs (that I have seen alone) have told me that is what I'm dealing with. I'm at the stage where I need to make some serious decisions. She is pretty much out of control now and the abuse toward me and the kids is becoming too much. And it’s having long term effects on them, I’ve begged her to see someone for help but she refuses and doesn’t think psychologists help anyone. So I have gone by myself to get some answers. Her outlet is drinking which she does daily, she drinks excessively and is extremely aggressive, abusive and volatile. She cycles very rapidly and at times will often (3-4 times a year) just up and leave the home, threatening to harm herself for a night or two. While myself and the kids are left at home not knowing if she is actually going to go ahead with what she told us. She has no friends (because no friend can live up to her expectations, the moment they change a plan or do something she isn’t prepared for, she will cull them), she has started now to remove her family (siblings) from her life because she believes they are toxic and they can be (they likely have BPD too, from what I’ve seen). We (the kids and I) walk on eggshells daily, doing our best to not say, do something to upset her. The smallest thing (spilling some milk on the kitchen bench) will set her off. Not a day goes by without yelling and abusive behavior. She is rude to pretty much everyone, no respect for anyone (even the elderly) and goes around like she is entitled and above everyone else. I’m lost and I have no idea what to do next. I want to leave and find happiness but I cannot leave the kids with her as she is not stable enough.I truly don’t trust her with them and the kids have mentioned to me they don’t want to be alone with her. I have a diary from the past 3-4 years of all the episodes we have experienced and it’s not pretty. I’m so sad that the woman I loved and married can be so horrible to us. What do I do? I have done so much research on this disorder, I understand that she is not in control and doesn’t mean the horrible things she says, but how can the kids understand that? I do still love her and I wish her to get better but I cannot live like this anymore. Is leaving the only option? I know this will trigger her really bad and I don’t even know how to bring it up.

Beyond348 Health Anxiety? Depression?
  • replies: 6

Hello all I am new here, after being referred by one of the crisis support callers. It has been four years since I lost two immediate families due to heart attacks. Since then I have been to the doctors and emergency department getting reassurance fr... View more

Hello all I am new here, after being referred by one of the crisis support callers. It has been four years since I lost two immediate families due to heart attacks. Since then I have been to the doctors and emergency department getting reassurance from the doctors, but when I would come home, I would sit here thinking the doctors missed something and that they just write it off as anxiety without doing further investigations. This led to developing panic attacks with fears of leaving the house or I would have a heart attack or stroke and developing agoraphobia for the last 12 months and isolation. I also have a hard time switching my brain off and trying to relax when there are so many dark clouds hanging over my head with the what ifs.

Wally Broken Relationship
  • replies: 2

Hey guys, Long story short. I have been in a long distant relationship almost 2.5years. Basically waiting on separation and divorce which I know through her and her family. I messed up last year and cheated with my ex. Well this year, the same thing ... View more

Hey guys, Long story short. I have been in a long distant relationship almost 2.5years. Basically waiting on separation and divorce which I know through her and her family. I messed up last year and cheated with my ex. Well this year, the same thing happened but on her side and now is pregnant. She still wants to go through the divorce and be with me. We both felt broken, betrayed and all the emotional feelings that go with it. We had reconciled last year and had been going strong. Religion plays a big part on her side which in all honesty has made this really complicated. We both have 2 children each. We had always been opened and honest with each other in most cases. Our connection was very strong. Im really lost in whether to walk away or try and sort it eventually. I know most people would walk away. There still are other factors I haven't put in here just due to complexity. We both had our dreams and goals that were in line with each other. If she wasn't pregnant this would be easier to sort out. Im really lost as to lose her forever or take that chance. I honestly don't know if we are the same anymore. Any advice from anyone that has been in this type of situation would be greatly appreciated. I cant really talk to my friends or family, because they would just tell me to move on. Thank you for reading this far.

Claremary Relationship Anxiety Problems
  • replies: 6

I have just recently become engaged (December last year) to my partner of 4 years. For the longest time I was so happy, I loved him deeply and I was always grateful to have him in my life. He is a genuinely lovely person, kind and caring. He is drive... View more

I have just recently become engaged (December last year) to my partner of 4 years. For the longest time I was so happy, I loved him deeply and I was always grateful to have him in my life. He is a genuinely lovely person, kind and caring. He is driven and has designed this beautiful future for us together which I thought I was really on board with! I was excited and content. A few months after we got engaged, we went away on an engagement trip, and that night, within in 1 split second, the thoughts "Call off the engagement and leave" blasted through my mind and I had the most surreal panic attack of my life. (I have always had anxiety + depression) He was able to help me calm down and we ended up having a good night - just with me having this little weight now in the back of my mind. Fast forward a month and an entire mental breakdown due to this, I am still with him but am still constantly fluctuating between being okay and sure and then being not okay and unsure. I have been very open (to a degree, I havent told him absolutely everything) and he has been so supportive and caring and lovely and all I want is for it to just go back to how it was. It was a 1 second flip and its changed everything. I am just not sure if this is a genuine feeling I should honour and leave (I feel like I would regret it), or if this is past trauma flaring up due to getting engaged (Bad childhood, abusive/evasive parents, no stability, past relationships being utter chaos). Its getting to the point where leaving to get some relief from the constant fluctuation has become appealing, but in saying that I still don't fully want to leave, there is still a part of me in those moments that doesn't want to go. I dont know what to do, and we have to confirm and pay a 4k deposit on the venue by end of this week. Even now, I am excited and want to go ahead but also hesitant. I think I am driving myself insane. Note: I am seeing a psychologist now and we have adressed it - he believes it could be my abandonment + negativity/pessimistic schema at play here which is distorting my reality. Extra Note: I do believe we are soul mates - which makes this even more confusing!

Chestnut I feel like I have no friends
  • replies: 1

As long as I can remember I’ve always struggled to keep a friend for a long time. I’m 16, just left high school early a couple months ago to do nursing. I don’t talk to anyone I did sports with or went to school with. I’ve been waiting for that to st... View more

As long as I can remember I’ve always struggled to keep a friend for a long time. I’m 16, just left high school early a couple months ago to do nursing. I don’t talk to anyone I did sports with or went to school with. I’ve been waiting for that to start to make like minded friends but that’s just been pushed back another 4 months. I try talking to old friends from my high schools but I fall onto deaf ears, and I know it’s not necessarily me but the different positions in life we’re in and experiences so we don’t have much to talk about. I feel like I’m in such a hole, I don’t have the energy to go out and make friends- even if I did, I find myself shying away out of fear I’ll be “too loud” or “too much” as previous friends have suggested. I know I’m digging my own lonely hole, I’m 16- I feel like I should have more friends than just my mum( she’s 17 years older than me so she’s like a sister) though she’s awesome.. it’s just not the same. I want someone to hangout with, sleepovers, go out to the beach or stuff like that. I don’t know what I should be doing anymore tbh. So Im writting this, if anyone’s been there what did you do?thank you for spending your time to read

Guest_08336475 I'm spiraling, I think I am anyway. don't want to self diagnose
  • replies: 1

I don't really know anymore. I'm currently in high school and things are (to be honest) the best they've EVER been for me, even back when I was like 4 life seemed to suck. My dad was mildly abusive it's not like he beat me everyday but he would yell ... View more

I don't really know anymore. I'm currently in high school and things are (to be honest) the best they've EVER been for me, even back when I was like 4 life seemed to suck. My dad was mildly abusive it's not like he beat me everyday but he would yell a lot and hit us on occasion though only because he's diabetic and bad with his sugar levels, and in the past my school life had always sucked, bad grades, only ever one friend (before highschool), and I got bullied CONSTANTLY, it got to the point that I made a rumor and supported a rumor about myself essentially having a 'cheese touch' just so people would leave me the fuck alone, even developed mild psychosis as I started seeing things that weren't there and got these horrific nightmares that would range from my mother dying and being forced to live without her or just a straight up gore fest. anyway, my point is, it was bad, very bad. I KNOW that, but now that things are better, I have friends and only see my dad on occasional supervised visits, I just feel so, so, so off... I cry at things I feel I really shouldn't, and now whenever something happens I just hide away, I even ignore my friends for like long periods of time, which I can't get... Younger me would have loved 5 people (at least) to have friends like I do now yet whenever something happens I shrivel up and can't talk to them, then when I am ready to chat again it's been 4 days zero contact and showing up suddenly without any excuse would seem rude so I either don't or lie my ass off so they don't suspect anything and it feels so, so wrong! I end up breaking my back to make it up to them by helping them with school now that I get good grades but even then! All I end up doing to quell this sinking pit is indulge in mindless entertainment to not think about things and I end up thinking about how unproductive I am. This is getting long, OOF! but, I just need to know if there are any strategies I can do to stop this? I don't want to go insane again, because funny things is, once it happens you're completely unaware until after the fact... p.s, I'd prefer if 'talk to someone' isn't recommended I know really well how emo that sounds but, really, that's what I'm doing this for, so I can ramble to people without them having to know me.

amanita Gastrointestinal problems from anxiety
  • replies: 8

Hi there! I'm wondering if anyone has been through anything similar or has any advice as I feel lost and I've been trying for so long and just can't get better.I've had health anxiety for many years, however the last two years I've developed quite ba... View more

Hi there! I'm wondering if anyone has been through anything similar or has any advice as I feel lost and I've been trying for so long and just can't get better.I've had health anxiety for many years, however the last two years I've developed quite bad stomach issues that are chronic now and never go. Which makes it very hard to live day to day life.I have gord, chronic constipation, bloating/tightness which literally never goes away, its so bad to the point where I can't even breathe properly most of the time, burping, regurgitation, heart palpations, chest tightness, I get all kinds of weird feelings in my chest and stomach, abdominal tension, nausea, terrible digestion. I take tablets for the reflux and try so hard to not get anxious but I feel a bit stuck in a loop. My stomach problems are always there and I try not to let it trigger my health anxiety but it's so hard. I've talked to my doctor about it many times but she can't find anything wrong with me apart from maybe ibs.It's debilitating and I feel hopeless at this point.

believe248 Panic and Fainting
  • replies: 2

I've read that it is rare to actually pass out when having a panic attack. Unfortunately for me, it happens a lot. I pass out very easily when I start panicking. For instance, I passed out last weekend when I started to panic on the tram. I had that ... View more

I've read that it is rare to actually pass out when having a panic attack. Unfortunately for me, it happens a lot. I pass out very easily when I start panicking. For instance, I passed out last weekend when I started to panic on the tram. I had that little "what if" thought, and a minute later it escalated to full panic and then I blacked out. It comes on so fast I barely have time to try calming techniques. I passed out on the tram another time too. I started panicking, so I started walking to try and get off the tram and whilst walking I got really dizzy and fainted. I hit my head on the seat as I fell. I learnt from that, and now I know to stay put, or sit if I start feeling dizzy. I also fainted when I started having a panic attack whilst getting my hair done at the hairdressers. Similar experience - I started to panic, went dizzy, blacked out. The first time it happened was back in highschool, where I passed out doing a presentation to the class after freaking out. I've now developed a bad phobia of passing out. I hate the attention it brings when everyone is concerned (although of course I'm appreciative of their concern), but I hate making a scene. So now I'm to the point of feeling terrified when it comes to riding a bus, going on a plane, being on a tram, sitting in a grandstand, doing a presentation, or generally any situation where everyone will notice if I pass out. I'm wondering if anyone out there has experienced actual fainting after a panic attack. I'm going to try hypnotherapy this week to see if that helps with the phobia. Other than that, not sure what to do as it comes on SO fast and I hate that it is inhibiting my life. Also, I'm in early stages of pregnancy so I've had to stop taking medication, which was helping me, so that's making it worse.

BeHappy Unnecessary Anxiety triggered by thought of work
  • replies: 1

I’m in a relatively new job, been there 2 months. Work in a school so just had the last 2 weeks off for school holidays. The last 2 days before the holidays I had off due to legit sickness (stomach bug) then a reaction to my new anxiety meds (I assum... View more

I’m in a relatively new job, been there 2 months. Work in a school so just had the last 2 weeks off for school holidays. The last 2 days before the holidays I had off due to legit sickness (stomach bug) then a reaction to my new anxiety meds (I assume) and a panicked late night phone call to a friend to come over because I thought I was dying (biggest panic attack I have ever had). I just now over the phone turned down an extra days work a week (that I had agreed to before the holidays) as I desperately feel the need to have a day to myself (single mum of a toddler, plus an exhausting & emotional few years - mum passed away, had to move house twice, completed a course qualification, and being a single mum with very very little support). Anyway, due to go back to work tomorrow and I just don’t want to! But I’m not even sure why. I know I haven’t done anything wrong by taking legit sick days, I know I haven’t done anything wrong my turning down an extra days work. Still, thinking about those things makes me panic.And, I don’t even like the job… I’m looking at other employment opportunities. If I had to blurt out a reason, I feel it’s the people.. and again I can’t pinpoint why. There’s a few personalities that I just can’t take to, and am somewhat ‘fearful of’ for lack of a better term.I do have a bit of stress trauma from being bullied in a previous position back in 2012.I just hate feeling this way! Makes memiserable, panicky, scared and really sad…. and I bet I won’t sleep well, if at all tonight. Thank you for taking the time to read this, any advice would be amazing

GreenEgg Wondering if I’ve chosen one of the worst possible careers I could’ve
  • replies: 12

Has anyone realised this, and restarted in a completely different field? How did you do it - or the reverse, did you think that but it ended up ok? I’m so unhappy and stressed all the time, work becomes my entire life. My work is high pressure in tha... View more

Has anyone realised this, and restarted in a completely different field? How did you do it - or the reverse, did you think that but it ended up ok? I’m so unhappy and stressed all the time, work becomes my entire life. My work is high pressure in that deadlines can be very demanding, but it’s also quite complex and means dealing with lots of different people who have different views etc. I’m a people pleaser and a bit of a perfectionist so that really is challenging for me. I keep imaging an escape and it’s always something like a wildlife rescue in the country, or even a florist, or a librarian, or anything else. I feel like I’m just not cut out for my work - everyone says how good I am it but they don’t see the toll that it takes on me? I feel like resigning, ending my lease, moving somewhere and just escaping it all but I can’t do that financially. I doubt I’d ever have the courage or follow through as well, I’m terrible with decisions and just get paralysed and do nothing.I also don’t trust myself though, like is this just me in the moment? Would another job just be exactly the same, because it’s about how I react to things? Would being somewhere totally new and alone with no one really be the best idea?