Health Anxiety My living nightmare!!!!

[Health_Anxious_Mummy]

Hi , first time here

as you’ve probably already guessed I suffer with health anxiety it all started 6yrs ago with a major panic Attack which required an ambulance and a stay in hospital as I really thought I was dying and new nothing about what a panic Attack was until that day , fast forward to now & cut a long story short I was diagnosed with a thyroid issue have been on medication now for a few years and it seems to be ok but it can sometimes play up which can increase my anxiety pretty bad when my levels are out I’m also on medication to try and combat the anxiety but sometimes when I’m really worried and anxious it doesn’t do a great deal . Like at the moment , about 6 weeks ago I was out with my husband and 2 year old and we were in a shop and I was literally fine talking away not thinking of a thing and then out of no where I got a very severe pain in the side of my head so bad I felt a bit sick and had to sit down it didn’t last long maybe 1min if that and it was gone had a couple of twinges later in the afternoon but nothing more after that and I have never experienced anything like it before as you can imagine for someone with health anxiety this has now caused me to think I have a brain tumour I thought not much more about after it happened and thought I was ok but last week I had a similar thing just not painful when I was driving my son to swimming I started to feel strange in my head and really foggy and kept zoning out and really struggled to sit through his lesson because I felt like something awful was about to happen , so now since last Tuesday I’m in a completely full blown anxious state and fearing the worst that I have a brain tumor as I have a sore neck and continue to have sharp pains on my head I don’t have headaches but I do feel off balance and really feel like I’m lacking concentration and my memory is shocking and getting stuck on words this is really worrying me I’m in such a state I do have an appointment with my doctor on Friday. I wish so MUCH I could just be normal and be like oh well whatever like when my husband has anything wrong he just doesn’t even think twice about it I wish so much I could feel the same but I just continue to go in a vicious cycle last month was esophageal cancer because I have reflux before that I was convinced it was my heart because my reflux was playing up I literally have had every test possible apart from a brain scan and all are always fine aside from my thyroid and low iron .

[Guest_2496]

How are you feeling now Ash? Was the psych appt any help? How long have you been seeing this psych? I’ve been seeing one for about four months now and it did take a while for me to feel comfortable and to feel some benefit. Some weeks I don’t feel it helps at all but I have definitely learnt some things from her. I’m not sure how long you should keep going before trying a different one if it’s not working for you though.

As for going back to the gp please don’t let those receptionists put you off. You deserve the best level of health care you can get and I’m sure they see a heap of people with anxiety and other mental health conditions. Who knows they may have one themselves or at the very least we can hope they’re gaining some empathy by working there! If you want to discuss tweaking ad meds make an appt. x

[Ash81]

Hi Annie, I hope you’re still checking this page. I was doing well for a few weeks and now my health anxiety is back with a vengeance.. I was getting pelvic pain so I did a pelvic ultrasound. The radiologist stopped halfway through and said he need to call his colleague to check also. My heart stopped! The other guy comes back in and says they both think I have something on my left ovary; a dermoid cyst. I was ok with that as they made me feel like it wasn’t a big deal and would just need monitoring. My gp wasn’t concerned either and said we would repeat the test in 6 months. My obstetrician also got a copy of the result and called me. I was having a good morning Before she called! She said ‘I want u to take it out and we won’t know it’s not cancer until we take it out’... oh Annie; it’s been a week since then and I’ve been crying and shaking ever since. I’ve reached out to some people who have had them and some of them come back normal and done cancerous.., u know that’s my main fear;is getting cancer. I’m so scared I’m not eating or socialising or doing anything really but cry and worry. I have to see a gyno who will take it from there. I do hope you see this Annie and I hope you’re well.

[Guest_2496]

Hi Ash

It's great to hear from you again. I'm so sorry you've had this scare that brought you back though! I hope that you can believe me that whatever happens you're going to be FINE - breathe...

The obstetrician who said it needs to come out is not the one who will do the operation? Does this mean removing the cyst or the whole ovary? On the one hand I was going to say to get another opinion, specially as the radiologist and gp said to watch and wait...but I know that it's going to worry you and so why not get it out and over with. It's just a shame that the ob said all that and couldn't get it done ASAP so you don't have too much time between hearing that and having it done. It will be fine Ash...imagine bb friends thinking of you right when you're going to appointments etc.

Any further news since you posted this update? Have you got another appt yet?

[Ash81]

Hi Annie,

no the obstetrician is sending me to a gyno I’m still waiting for that appointment it should be mid June though.. then taking it out and then waiting for test results.. I’m back to square one.. back being bed ridden and not eating and feeling trembly and just shaky. I havnt even got the strength to take my daughter to kinder.. if she never said ‘we don’t know if it’s cancer until we take it out’ I would’ve been fine! Why did she say that and just take it out without saying anything! No my left ovary doesn’t need to be taken out only the dermoid cyst. My gp isn’t worried because my test results said ‘no blood flow going through it’ so she said cancer needs blood to grow but she can’t say 100% it’s not I guess too. I’m so scared Annie every time I feel I’m getting ok something happens and takes me back

[Guest_2496]

Hi Ash

I agree it would have been more helpful if the ob hadn't said that however even if she said she wanted you to have it out you'd be worried til then right? This is life...things are going to keep happening to both of us but the positive is that you're going to see a specialist and they will do whatever needs to be done. You're being proactive and you will take care of your health. (hey the gyn may not agree with ob and may reassure you without taking it out!)

Now, in terms of taking care of your health and doing the absolute best that you can (especially for your children) can you please start eating? Even a little to start with - porridge, banana, cups of tea, soups, toast, rice, pasta...something to give you some energy. Some of that shakiness is maybe down to low blood sugar - get some food into you Ash xx

Not long til the appointment now...can you try sitting outside in the sun with a cup of tea and a banana tomorrow?

[Ash81]

Hi Annie,

You seem so strong I wish I could be I’ve been a complete mess lately. My appt is on the 19th; hopefully after that I’ll feel better I’m unsure? I pray it’s nothing bad and the gyno just boils it down to ‘woman’s things’. I know life is going to keep throwing stuff at us I just don’t know how to stop the intense fear of going to the dr and then even worse going back for results. I am like a child. It’s irrational and embarrassing. I thought I was doing ok on the AD as I wasn’t freaking out at my kids coughs and colds like I was before. But bringing up that dreaded C word has taken me back. It’s pouring rain and freezing in Melbourne at the moment so I can’t sit in the sunshine unfortunately. I did have a little something today though thanks for asking x I hope u have been well?

[Guest_2496]

I'm not so strong in person Ash, and I also have an intense fear of going to the dr and so I hardly go! At least you're taking care of it and hey if they thought it was urgent you wouldn't be waiting til the 19th for your appointment so you can take heart in that 🙂 And our fear is not irrational - though it feels so personal and embarrassing it's very very common. xx

Hope you're still managing some food...and yeah I didn't think about the rain in Melbourne! It's cold here but some sun comes through the back kitchen window so I sit in that patch for a while with a tea each day...

Right now I'm feeling tired and old and the empty nest is so awful. While anxiety is with us forever (sadly and annoying as that is) what I would wish for you is not to spend years in its fierce grip as the outcome is the same. If we're lucky we'll get old, and eventually we'll die but for now Live and enjoy those children Ash xx knowing that you are doing the best for your health that you can.

Are you still seeing the psych - did that help at all? I've met a few in my life and the current one is good - I was so reluctant to try again!

[Ash81]

Hi Annie,

sorry ive taken so long to respond I’ve just been feeling worse. My gyno appt is next week and the receptionist was so lovely she got the gyno to talk to me as she realised how frightened I was. She told me it was fine to wait until the 19th if she thought it was something sinister she wouldn’t let me wait. That made me feel a little better waiting until my appointment. Now I’ve got pain in my lower left back. It’s a dull ache where my kidney is. All I’m thinking is kidney cancer! I don’t know why my mind goes there straight away! It’s a relentless ache. I went to the CHIRO who said my back muscle is very tight and that if it was cancer I would have other symptoms which thankfully I don’t. Right now I’m waiting at my drs shaking waiting for my turn for her to check me out. If she offers me an ultrasound I will freak out because she doesn’t do tests just to make me feel better.. then I worry if I don’t do the test I won’t feel better? I’m damned if I do and damned if I don’t. I’m shaking and so frightened today; it’s been a hell of a week really.

My psych gets back today from holidays so I have to go see her again.

I don’t know what I would be like when my kids leave the nest! Their constant chatter keeps me feeling alive.. sorry to be such a downer this kidney cancer thing has taken over my mind and life right now. Hope you’re better?

[Guest_2496]

Hi Ash

I've been thinking about you so it's good to hear from you. And So good that the gyno spoke to you to try and help calm you down while you wait for the appointment 🙂

How was the gp appt yesterday? about your back pain?

I get that often and in my case it's either from constipation/diarrhea (sorry tmi ha ha) OR simply too long in one position. EG if I sit too long (or maybe lie on the couch) then some muscles tighten and need a good stretch. I'm not saying it's as simple as one stretch! I tend to sit in awkward positions (one leg under etc) and so massages (when I can get them, and relax enough during them!) and just learning stretches myself and remembering to do them daily helps.

Have you ever done yoga? I've only started this year, and very basic (for me - I'm focusing on neck and shoulder stretches for now). Yoga with Adriene on youtube was recommended to me (check out her beginner section if you haven't done it before).

Let me know how you go next week, or check in before of course too!

[Ash81]

Hi Annie,

I just got back from my gyno appt and am booked to take out the dermoid cyst next Friday. She said she’s not worried about it but won’t know for sure it’s nothing sinister until they take it out and send it to pathology.. I’m trying to focus on the ‘shes Not worried’ part but u know my brain takes me to that small percent of cancer! She did me a blood test (ca125) to check for cancer markers so I’ll be also scared until the results of that come.

No ive never tried yoga? Just don’t have the energy anymore.. I know I’m feeling depressed and it’s because my mind is telling me there is something wrong with me and I’m trying to be positive I really am but then I just find myself crawling into my bed.

My my kidneys are fine thank goodness but I still have that muscle pain in my back and I’m sure I have some bowel trouble too as sometimes I feel my whole stomach like clench? As if it’s contracting (but not as painful just uncomfortable).

Hope you’re ok?