Exhausted

[JanieN]

I hope I am posting this in the right place.

I am just exhausted. I along with my husband are sufferers of anxiety ( social for him, social and health for me) and my husband has also been dealing with depression as well since his teen years. Both of us have severe anxiety, we are also both unemployed, I sustained a back injury almost 10 years ago so I deal with physical pain as well everyday. Most of my anxiety lately though has been for my husband, in January his JSA informed him he is two days into his WFTD phase and signs him up then and there for a program that was 30 or so hours a week, we don't drive and the place was a fair way away. Can they do that? She gave him no information about training and he had to sign what she gave him because he had no idea if he had the right not to. We both had a bit of a breakdown but he was able to get a medical certificate to cover him for a while. Now he has just finalized his enrollment at TAFE. Which I feel we can breathe for a minute. I'm lost as to what we should do now, in January this is going to start all over again for him, I have been forced out of my comfort zone so many times already and it has done me no good. I never want to see him the way he was that day after that appointment, it honestly nearly killed me. I have seen so many wonderfully helpful people on this forum, I would honestly appreciate any help at all that anyone could give.

Thank you.

[JanieN]

Hi Chloe

Is there anything you'd like to talk about? 😞

[JanieN]

Hello Grandy

Thank you for the response and its nice to meet you.
You have some awesome and sound advice, a lot which I use myself. Bed time has been the worst, nothing I seem to do helps at that time :(. Didn't even want to get out of bed today.

Janie x

[startingnew]

Hi Janie

Grandys suggestions are very good i think they would help in the day time too to help you get out of your head. it can be really hard to do and it does take alot of practice but its possible even for a short while.

i hope the magnesium helps you, even a little bit. chronic pain and mh issues and that stupid cycle is dreadful and so hard to break. any releif is good relief hey. lets hope you can find something that works well for you too.

well done for getting out of the house even for a little bit, thats a great achievement!

with your appeitie i find mine goes all over the place too. small snacks work- like a few biscuits or a piece of fruit but i cut it up into smaller mouthfuls.

do you have any hobbies at all to keep your mind occupied? something to do and to look forward to when you get up... something just for you?

[Ggrand]

Hello Janie,

Thank you for your kind words,

I get days when I stay in bed, then when I do get up feel so guilty for staying in bed..it's hard to get up when there is just you at home..

I totally agree that nights are the worse time for depression to dig deeper into our mind and find really bad things for us to dwell on, leaving me laying there all night without sleep coming, Someone here said at night, before going to bed to write on some paper what my thoughts are, then rip them up and throw them away..it does help to get your thoughts onto paper and out of our minds.. Mostly I use my insight timer app for both guided meditation and relaxing music?.

Im pleased to hear that you have some coping skills that you use when needed..you sound like your trying very hard to beat your depression as we all are..Well done..

I hope your day is a good day and better then yesterday.

Please look after yourself and remember you are cared for here on the forums and that you are a very special person.

Care and kind thoughts,

Grandy.

[startingnew]

Hi Janie

im sure i wrote a post up... will give it till tonight and hopefully its up...

[JanieN]

Hi startingnew

Some really great suggestions from Grandy, I take in all advice I get, my major problem is I have a hard time putting all this amazing information to use. And it's so frustrating. I've been sticking to very small meals and snacks, my husband gets a bit frustrated with that but if I push it I'll just vomit. Reading is one of my biggest hobbies, but I can't seem to concentrate, we've been watching funny movies at night to occupy ourselves which kind of helps. My mother in law just gave me a bag of hers that needs to be sewn up so that will be a good distraction.

I hope it works as well, I'm excited to try this. At the same time I'll not get my hopes up to high :).

We went really far out of our comfort zone today and went to the cinemas, saw the avengers, was a nice escape but the film did leave us a little down Haha.

Also had one tiny almost insignificant victory today that has slightly gotten rid of my nausea :).

How are you doing today?? I hope you're doing well?

[JanieN]

Hi Grandy

The guilt is awful and yeah doesn't help our moods at all. If you don't mind me asking, you don't have someone there to help you on your horrible days? Feel free not to answer though.

I have been writing thoughts and feelings down the past couple of weeks, it's more a project to give my gp when I see her on Wednesday so she can see how things have been. I think its been helping a little. I think I'll also try the write it down and throw it away technique though, it can't hurt to try. Thank you 🙂

Thank you for all the kind words, honesty brought a smile to my face, so thank you for that.

How are you doing today? x

[Ggrand]

Hello Janie,

Thank you so much for your kind response.

I was married for 38 years, to a narcissist, he passed away 4.5 years ago, although the was very abusive in all forms, I loved him and miss him. I now have been living on my own for 4.5 years, something that I cannot get used to nor do I like it..

I have 3 sons...2 live around 7 hours drive away the other around 9 hours drive away, I don't see them very much at all. (another story). I live in a small village in the central west nsw under 200 residents, I've only been here 2 yrs and with my high anxiety have problems talking face to face with people, so no real friends or neighbours..I have many wonderful people here who do help me to get through really rough patches..

Im pleased that you are writing your thoughts down, I do it sometimes, but I tend to get in a not bothered mood..

I read your post to Starts, and heard you like reading, that's great, I used to read also, mainly fantasty, autobiographies, and true life stories, now my books when I have the patients and I'm in the right headspace to read is self help books...

love hearing that you sound so excited about sewing a bag for your mother in law.. any thing we can do is a form of distraction and is good to do...Your husband sounds like he is supporting you, that's lovely to here, I think with the meals as long as you eat a little as long as it's healthy that's okay...

Im pleased you had a little victory today..Little victories at times could be mammoth at other times, well done..

Thank you very much for taking the time to reply, I really do appreciate that very much.

I hope you have a lovely night tonight, please look after yourself..

Kind and caring thoughts,

Grandy..

[startingnew]

Hi Janie

it can be hard to put things into practice but youll get there. baby steps. maybe write down some of these strategies for easy reference?

yeh the appeitite thing gets annoying but small meals and snacks is better than nothing. thats for sure.

wow thats a huge achievement! well done!

and reducing nausea isnt insignificant if your living with it so im really glad its eased for you today

im hanging tight for now, been a rough few days and today too but will be ok in time, thanks for asking.

[JanieN]

Hi grandy

Absolutely no judgment, we cannot help who we love no matter how they treat us. And yeah I imagine going from living with someone for that long to not is a major adjustment and will take a while to get used to. It makes me very happy to know that you do have people to help you through the rough times, I don't really have any friends either so I can understand what that's like.

I've not sewn the bag, I haven't been reading, I stare at the TV but don't really watch. I'm meant to start studying again tomorrow but am dreading it. I've spent most of the past 2 weeks in bed, having a shower feels like to much effort. I'm making my husband anxious and setting off his depression. And then I come back here and dump this on all you nice people. I've not felt this low in a long time and don't know how to pull myself out. I wanted to bang my head against the wall today, if my husband wasn't here I would have. I'm so sorry for dumping this here, I feel lost.

Janie x