Do you ever feel worthless?

[Aggy]

I have always felt that I was a good person with decent morals and values.

Even after many years of evidence showing I am useless and dysfunctional, Even my mum told me my life is a complete waste. I have always pushed on believing they were all wrong.

You know what? It's taken me this long to figure out all those people couldn't be wrong. I am worthless.

They were right and now I know I want to just keep out of everyones way. If my agoraphobia and I just stay home, I cannot be hurt in anyway any more. I won't upset anybody. I am safe here and I like it like that.

I have my first Psychiatrist appointment in two days.  I am feeling like not going. He's wasting his time on me.

I'm better off to stay here and rot. Society can do just fine without me. 

He should try and help someone worth helping, not some one like me that's worthless.

Has anyone felt like this before?

-Aggy.

[Aggy]

Things are not getting better.

The news I just got is the last thing I needed. Being agoraphobic the most important thing to me is my little sanctuary where I have lived for 14 years.

Now the world that I try so hard to avoid has taken that away too.

I am slowly being stripped to the bone. I only have 2 things left now, my possessions and my unhealthy life. I am low on options and feel right now my outlook is bleak at best.

Maybe tomorrow will bring some much needed inspiration but right now I don't care cause I'm gunna have a drink and get and upset all by myself.

-Aggy the problem magnet.

[Snoman]

Hi Aggy,

I hope this gets to you in time although I think that is unlikely.

One night when I was going through a bad patch and couldn't sleep, I felt that coffee would help my jittery feelings.  Some wonderful souls on twitter that I shared that with convinced me not to.  Just knowing someone out there was looking out for me, even though I hadn't met them helped me to avoid it.  Helped me to keep away from doing something that would make things worse in the longer term.

I'm asking you to please not have that drink.  But if you already did, please don't have any more.

There are quite a few that post on your thread.  There are even more who read it and follow along without posting.  All of these people care about you and want you to get well.  All of these people think you are amazing, even if you don't.  All these people believe you deserve to get better.  I am just one of them.

You have more than just 2 things in your life.  You have us.

*hugs*

Snoman

[AGrace]

Hi Aggy, 

I'm sorry to hear that. What happened? Do you rent the house you're living in? 

I know what it feels like when the problems just keep rolling in, and you think you will never catch a break, and you start to wonder why all of this is happening to you. 

I get the need to have a drink and I think you have every right to be upset. 

I wish there was something I could do. I'm happy to just listen if you feel like offloading, venting, screaming or just want to be heard. 

I love that above everything you can still hold on to the hope that tomorrow will be a better day. You are extremely courageous. Sometimes it's best to have that I don't care attitude. 

Here if you need some support. 

Amber

[Asche]

Aggy, I am truly, sincerely sorry about what's happened. But drinking is not the answer. It will not make things better. It might make the pain and fear go away for just a minute, and I know, believe me I know, how much that minute can mean, but it won't solve anything. You'll wake up sober, feeling even worse than you did before. The world may be going to pieces around you- and that's why you have to keep it together.

Today was a bad day, so have a drink or two. But tomorrow is when the war begins, and you don't have time to drink anymore. Find out what you need to do to get back on your feet, and pursue it with everything you have. It will be hard beyond all belief, but it's the only way forward now.

 So fight, Aggy. Fight with everything you had, everything never even thought you had, and then fight some more. You survived in the past, and you will survive this. But you must fight, even if you don't have the strength for it. We're right there behind you.

[Aggy]

Hi Amber.

Hope you are doing well when you read this.

It's 3:30 in the morning and anxiety is keeping me awake again. I am not doing so well to be honest but will try and make a better response to your post tomorrow.

See y'u

-Aggy.

[Aggy]

Hi Asche.

It would make me happy if you are going well when you get this.

I only had a couple of beers and now Its the middle of the night and I'm up with my old mate anxiety. It's a bit much responding to your post right now so I will try tomorrow when I am feeling better.

Bye.

-Aggy.

[Aggy]

Hi all.

I just escaped from my local hospital to come home and grab some stuff. They are going to admit me for a few days and I wont be around so take care of each other while I'm away and don't worry.

Sure this another all time new low for me in two days, but you kinda get used to it after a while.

I tried to tell them about agoraphobia and I cant do it but I think they are going to drug me and make me go. I am expecting police to come and take me away soon but that's ok. I'm ready now.

 At least I made it home first for some spare undies and toothbrush.

Oh. better remember my phone charger and pj's.

What a week, its been so far and its only Monday. (I think)

-Aggy.

[CMF]

Hi

im here can't sleep. Why we're you admitted to start with?  I feel scared for you your world has Been turned upside down. 

[AGrace]

HI Aggy,

Sorry to hear of your admission. I also hope that by going into hospital you can start to receive the best form of treatment, and perhaps develop some longer term plans from there.

I'll be thinking of you, and if ever you get a chance to post, we are always here.

I completely understand how difficult this will be for you, so I hope it comes with some positive benefits.

Don't forget how strong you are, and how much you have endured so far. You are braver than you think : )

I look forward to hearing from you as soon as you can join us once again.

Take care xx

Amber

[Aggy]

Hi Can't move forward.

Thanks for your concern. It feels really nice to have people that actually worry that I am ok. I was admitted after getting myself to hospital in the middle of a big anxiety attack.

They were worried about my safety. Still not sure how I made it, but did it.

Thanks again and right now I must respond to another friend on here.

-Aggy.