Am I paranoid or very aware?

[Rascally]

1. I feel someone is contributing to a lot of trouble in my circumstances. (I have a very poor health) this person works at a hospital & once boasted she could access any file. Her motive seems to be an obsession with my sister, with whom I was very close to. She has stolen from me & given those things to my sister. Once she worked at at a law firm. I received a letter, demanding I give my sister money. I took it to that same law firm & they had no knowledge of it. This woman once told me she wished she had my family instead of her own. There have been many lies & manipulation for the last 20 years. My siblings do not interact with me at all. Even after I tried many times to meet with them, this person was always there & humiliated in front of my siblings. Do to my continual health issues, I feel she is interfering somehow. Things don't make sense. 
2. I really don't know what to do anymore. My family were a very close unit, we did everything together. "Character assassination" comes to mind, yet if so how do I deal with that?.   I now live in total isolation, Acquaintances have approached me on a few occasions discussing how much trouble she caused in their lives. At times I'm fearful, a car was parked when I put my bin out. The young man was on the phone & said " yeah, here lights came on, she's here"  I really do wish it was paranoia, but my gut instinct tells me otherwise. I have no proof & am a nervous wreck. If I do see her, she gets no reaction from me... none... what hurts are my siblings, celebrating birthdays, Xmas all getting together. Close relatives have passed & no one told me.. I don't get it. I was always there for them, we laughed & played all the way into our 30s.  This is devastating me & because of the thievery, lies & betrayal, I can't move on.. I have no one

[white knight]

Hi, welcome

I see the situation clearly and its isnt good. I immediately compared it to my niece that at age 14yo left our family to join a religious cult. The pastor was controlling and divided our family. Now aged 41yo she is a pastor herself married now with children, still no contact.

That taught me a big lesson, that as adults they make their own choices, submit to their manipulators and the culprit/s are totally legal in their actions- eg they destroy families and not a crime ever committed. It's extremely sad.

What I've come up with in terms of the best approach, is to treat people in my life as "fluid", they come and they go, drift in and drift out but these relatives often end up contacting me and try to support their case- it is then that I invite them to talk and point out that they sold me out for a on family member. That they are welcome back into the fold if they do not have that manipulating person in their lives. It sounds like blackmail, more like setting boundaries for your own mental health.

My mother (93yo) and sister have proved to be master manipulators so they are both estranged. I am much happier without them, the obligation to keep family members in our lives is not a good one, friends that are committed to my life is now treated as family, it works so much better. But to continue abrasive relationships with people that make poor choices is to torture your mental state and that isnt worth it. They are, as I said, adults and have made their own decisions and if that includes being controlled by a manipulator then that is their choice, their freedom extends that far.

So protect yourself, accept that you might one day be approached by your siblings and asked questions, be ready to answer them firmly and with the view that you are unlikely to become satisfied with their views. Essentially moving on is a safer way to keep strong and enjoy life.

Therapy would also assist you with this process of acceptance.

I hope I've helped, reply anytime

https://forums.beyondblue.org.au/t5/staying-well/narcissism/td-p/334484

also google- queen witch hermit waif

TonyWK 

[randomxx]

Hi there op and so sorry to hear of all this. Like Tony and yourself l have one of those in my family too. She use to be ok but started going off the rails early 50s, go figure- l'd hope we get smarter not stupider right.

But anyway, can't add much to what Tony's said he's been dealing with all this stuff a long long time as you see and had far more experience than me.

But at least go easy on yourself , your not paranoid or being overly aware it's pretty clear even from here what's been going on and you've even had proof.

What l was wondering though is what happens if you turn up at family things , Christmas or bdys if they have them ?

Maybe they're more open to you than you think.

Despite this sister of mine for example doing her best to make everyone including me out to be the devil himself, l don't think anyone takes much of her crap too seriously , she's always been a bit that way it's just in her 50s she's decided to 10fold it now for some brilliant reason. But most of us have always known what she's like and about most of her problems and issues and l've been presently surprised whenever l've turned up to anything and it hasn't been hitting the fan not even near what l'd been thinking it had with anyone much- just her and her madness .

I don't have much to do with most of mine these days, huge family, and l don't hear from most oft hem much either but they are usually open and welcoming when l do show up somewhere and as if any of her crap doesn't even exist. Maybe yours might not be as bad as you think , you might even get a nice surprise .

She might be spreading stuff at you trying to make you think it all is that's what this one of mine does but then l turn up or do talk to someone and well, as l say.

Anyway just thoughts and l know you'd need to be prepared for it going either way as l was myself too buttt, might be worth thinking about.

Good luck anyway

rx