I am a mess.
I am a stay at home with a teenager and a ten year old and due to my family struggling saving money I decided that this would be the year that I returned to office work.
I have worked as a cleaner ever since I left to become a stay at home mum and it is great as I am all by myself. I have also worked at three other places casually but never stuck with them as I always found a reason to leave.
I found a great job with a great boss and was offered a role, I rearranged my entire life, kids extra curricular activities, everything to accommodate this and ever since I said yes I have been having constant panic attacks.
Like full on crying panic attacks.
I came to realise that I am not emotionally ready to be away from my kids even though they don't need me anymore.
So in the middle of my attack I sent an email off and said I no longer could take the position.
I feel much better now, but I am wracked with guilt as my poor partner is left, once again working to support his kids and flake of a wife.
I guess I am not looking for anyone to say anything. I just needed to get this all out.
My mum thinks I need to see a doctor and get some help.
The thing is I am actually ok 90% of the time. Just the idea of full time work where I cannot drop off and pick up my kids brings me to panic.
Maybe I do need professional help.
