Almost 30 and achieved nothing in life

[RoadToRecovery1001]

At the end of this month I'll be turning 30. While for many people this age is a cause for celebration, for me it serves as a stark reminder of how little I've achieved during my 30 years on this earth. I honestly have never felt such dread and sadness about a single day before
All around me, friends and family have flourished and gone onto successful careers or are getting married while I still feel like I'm at square one.

Perhaps the worst thing about this all is that I have completely blown opportunities that would have allowed me to actually make something of my life. I suddenly quit an extremely promising job last year due to overwhelming feelings of anxiety and insecurity. I felt like an impostor and a fraud who would eventually be fired due to incompetence. This is despite the fact that I never received any negative feedback or made any significant mistakes. Nonetheless, I still took the action that I did.

Deep down, I know my feelings are often extraordinarily irrational yet I can’t help but feel the way I do. I feel like I'm set in my way of thinking and nothing is going to ever change this for me. I've seen psychologists, read self-help books, done exposure therapy and still feel the same way. As painful as it is, I've almost come to terms with the fact that I'll remain perpetually single and work in jobs that I hate until I die.
I feel like whenever I try things to make things better for myself I just make them worse. I honestly don't know how to better cope with my anxiety and feelings of negativity and frankly think I never will. I just want to be normal like everyone else yet my insecurities and negativity always get the better of me. Rather than looking forward to my 30th, I feel like it signifies a very painful and sad pathway of disappointment and failure ahead of me.

[Guest_920]

Hey there,

I'm a female in the same situation. Feel like I haven't achieved too much in my 20s and would love to have stability in terms of relationships. I also suffer from bad anxiety and depression. I think the main thing we can do is focus on ourselves and our personal development. We can't control all external influences but we can maintain our health and work out routines that assist. I understand I feel the same way. Just know other people also feel the same way at 30.

[AverageAusGuy]

Hi mate

I am 32. I am feeling pretty similar to yourself.

I spent the majority of my 20s in a career I hated. At 28 I was able to switch to something I enjoyed alot more but it was only part time and didn't pay well. I have been working there for 4 years. There aren't alot of full time positions in the field I like so I am looking at starting career number 3. Not sure what it will be yet which is scary. I am not married and I do not have kids or a house.

I think society tells us that "success" is having a good career, house, wife, kids etc and that progress in life should always be upwards in a straight line. Life is messy though. The reality is that most people don't have everything together. People might seem like they do from the outside but behind the scenes you don't know what is really going on. People go through divorces, redundancies, bankruptcies etc

There is more to success than the superficial stuff. Focus on your happiness first. Get your joy back before worrying about the other stuff. That will happen on its own.

[Chrisbet]

I am 62 and never done anything with my life its been a total disaster my first marriage was a disaster my own family hate me and never held a job or been able to finish anything. Nothing ever changes and i get fed up with trying. Currently though I am seeing a psychologist who is trying to help but only small steps

[Mishmo]

I feel ya Chrisbet...

I am constantly having to refocus and look for the small things I do accomplish... like the "day to day" things... i got up and ate.... YAY ME!! i showered... YAY ME!! hahahaha.... yup, thats about my life.... just existing to produce carbon dioxide for the trees... YAY ME!! Ok, i may be a little lacking in sleep and going a lil loopy... as I do. I hope the psych helps you on your journey to being proud of you and for the little things you have and do accomplish. GO YOU!!! Smile! It suits you!

Keep fighting the good yet tiring fight!! x

[quirkywords]

Christabet,

welcome to the forum.
I am the same age as you.

I am on my 3rd major relationship and have never had a career.
I had had many different jobs.

I think it depends how you define achievements and success. As AU’s guy wrote :

“There is more to success than the superficial stuff. Focus on your happiness first. Get your joy back before worrying about the other stuff. That will happen on its own.”

I think small steps help. I think comparing yourself to others is hard because we don’t know how they are feeling. I know people who seem to have it all who feel they are a disappointment to their families.

You are seeking help and trying hard. That to me is a good achievement.
Thanks again for sharing your story.

Mishmash ,
yay to small steps and hot showers. Thanks for supporting Christabet with your positive words.

[Guest_4643]

Hi RoadToRecovery1001, welcome.

If it makes you feel any better, I'm 21 and haven't done anything either. I feel like such a failure also. But you still contribute to society somehow, we all do. It's ok if you're not up to doing anything, plus we're in a worldwide pandemic unfortunately, so this year is normal for people not to do much. You'll be ok, you're not a failure.

[44Max44]

I am in a very similar situation to you.
I turn 22 in a few months, but instead of being excited, I'm dreading it.
My siblings both have great jobs, partners, and one is even engaged, whereas I've never worked a job for more than a few months, I've never had a girlfriend, and I feel like I've achieved nothing. On my 21st birthday I didn't even want to celebrate because I felt like there was nothing to celebrate. "What's the point in celebrating 21 years of doing absolutely nothing with my life?" Is what I thought. I still feel that way.
I don't study, my anxiety stops me from being able to do most jobs, and I have no clue what to do with my life.

I see all my family and friends moving forward in life and I'm still stuck with what seems like no way out. I feel ashamed, I feel like a failure, and it's really depressing.

I don't really have any advice for you because I'm in a similar situation, but I wish you the best of luck.

[Guest_4643]

Hey Max.

I'm sorry about all of that. I'm 21, I have no siblings though. I've never had a job at all, so you're more successful than me. I feel like such a failure. I've never been in a relationship either. I don't really celebrate my birthdays, I don't have anyone except my Parents to celebrate with anyway.

I don't study either or work or any of that. I also have no idea what I want to do. You're not alone. I'm sorry you feel this way. You're not a failure.

[HamSolo01]

Hey all

I am 27 and can resonate with many of the feelings here. I guess it is reassuring at some level that we are not alone in this life and these struggles actually turn out to be rather commonplace.

Since joining the forum here when I was 24 (I think) there have been small victories and small defeats as well. But I suppose this is the "journey of life" everyone talks about.

Take care all. I'll be sure to keep this thread on my lookout list

[Guest_4643]

Hey HamSolo01, I'm sorry to hear that. I guess its somewhat comforting to know that you're not alone. These forums can be quite helpful & beneficial.