Almost 30 and achieved nothing in life

[RoadToRecovery1001]

At the end of this month I'll be turning 30. While for many people this age is a cause for celebration, for me it serves as a stark reminder of how little I've achieved during my 30 years on this earth. I honestly have never felt such dread and sadness about a single day before
All around me, friends and family have flourished and gone onto successful careers or are getting married while I still feel like I'm at square one.

Perhaps the worst thing about this all is that I have completely blown opportunities that would have allowed me to actually make something of my life. I suddenly quit an extremely promising job last year due to overwhelming feelings of anxiety and insecurity. I felt like an impostor and a fraud who would eventually be fired due to incompetence. This is despite the fact that I never received any negative feedback or made any significant mistakes. Nonetheless, I still took the action that I did.

Deep down, I know my feelings are often extraordinarily irrational yet I can’t help but feel the way I do. I feel like I'm set in my way of thinking and nothing is going to ever change this for me. I've seen psychologists, read self-help books, done exposure therapy and still feel the same way. As painful as it is, I've almost come to terms with the fact that I'll remain perpetually single and work in jobs that I hate until I die.
I feel like whenever I try things to make things better for myself I just make them worse. I honestly don't know how to better cope with my anxiety and feelings of negativity and frankly think I never will. I just want to be normal like everyone else yet my insecurities and negativity always get the better of me. Rather than looking forward to my 30th, I feel like it signifies a very painful and sad pathway of disappointment and failure ahead of me.

[SmileySocks]

RoadToRecovery1001 I feel your pain and I'm so sorry you're feeling this way. My 30th wasn't a cause for celebration either and I felt like I had nothing to show for those 30yrs. I didn't feel like a normal adult and felt left behind as everyone went on to get married and have kids, have meaningful careers or just enjoy life. Suffeeing from social anxiety and depression made me feel alienated from all the other "normal" people.

As I'm now looking down the barrel of my 40th I really wish I could tell you that things got better and that turning 30 is nothing to fear or dread but I can't.

I wish I had reached out to people around my 30th as I'm only doing that now and I feel like things could have been so much different/better by now. I'm sure someone here will have some helpful advice and/suggestions for you I'm just so sorry I can't. I really hope you can find something to help you celebrate and enjoy turning 30. I know that pain all too well and I wish you nothing but happiness for your upcoming milestone and beyond.

[baet123]

Hey RTR,

Welcome to the forums and thanks for posting.

My name is Nick. I'm 25 and it is great to meet you. I can absolutely relate to what your experiencing as I suffered severe depression and anxiety from 2011-late 2017. I am sorry your feeling the way you do at present but it got better for me, so why can't it get better for you? We all have our own journey and some of us take longer to get to our final destination but nothing worth doing is ever easy.

I can tell by the way you write your extremely intelligent, thoughtful, caring and resilient and these are amazing traits you possess and this is something to be proud of as many people strive to achieve and develop these characteristics throughout their entire lives to no prevail. I believe you are under estimating your ability and you characteristics. Don't be too harsh on yourself.

Is there a reason why you feel so sad? Have you ever sought professional help to address the underlying issues that are making your feel the way you do?

You mention you still feel at square one. What do you believe square one is? Square one in terms of your relationships? finding a partner and settling down? Square one financially or square one in your career? May I ask what line of work you are in?

You are only 30 and you have your whole life ahead of you and everyone progresses along differently. Opportunities come quick and fast and more opportunities will be available for you to capture and take full advantage of in the near future.

You mention you suddenly quit your job as a result of your constant anxiety and insecurity. Addressing these underlying mental health conditions will be extremely beneficial to your health and overall quality of life and your self-esteem. I believe you should greatly consider seeing your GP and exploring numerous treatment options including therapy and medication. You obviously want to improve your situation which is amazing and you are willing to talk about your feelings and emotions and this is super important to your treatment/recovery.

Your feelings may be irrational to others but to myself and others who have experienced what your experiencing, they are very rational. Our thoughts, emotions and outlook on life when we suffer from a mental health condition is often skewed so don't stress.

Pain is temporary. It will get better mate and better days are yet to come.

Hope this helped and enjoy your weekend. I would love to hear more about your situation.

All the best,

Nick.

[RoadToRecovery1001]

Hi Nick. Thanks for replying to my post and sharing your story. It always makes me feel a little better about myself reading other peoples journeys in dealing with their anxiety/depression and emerging stronger than before. It makes that tiny glimmer of hope burn just a little brighter. Even though I don't know you, it genuinely made me feel happy to read that things have gotten better for you and makes me hope that I'll get there some day too.

The main reason I feel so sad is because very few of my personal goals have been achieved. I always imagined by my age I would have been living a much more fulfilling life. I feel like I'm at square one because I'm so far behind my peers. I still haven't saved up enough for a mortgage, I dropped out of my law degree, I don't enjoy my job, don't socialise as much as I would like, aren't in a long-term relationship and my ambitions of self-improvement always seem to fall by the wayside. I feel deeply ashamed and embarrassed of my situation and feel that others will harshly judge me if I'm completely honest with them.

I work in a large casino in back of house operations. I deal with a range of inquiries from guests, staff and contractors regarding its various operations. While it sounds sort of exciting, I find the role deeply unsatisfying and the culture of the casino incompatible with who I am and what I want to achieve. The main reason I chose the role was due to the pay increase. Unfortunately it couldn't be further away from the pathway I want to forge.

I've tried addressing my issues in a number of ways including the use of medication and seeing a psychologist both of which helped quite bit initially. Although I've recently gone off completely on all medication as I believe its only a band aid fix for my problems and am not seeing a psychologist . I've considered other forms of therapy but am not really sure what else there is out there.

I've tried setting out a plan for myself with small manageable steps, but never can find enough motivation to stick with it. I find myself lacking in energy and often chose the flight response when the going gets tough. I know I need to change my ways but I'm just not sure how to go about it.

[Guest_902]

Hi RTR 😊

I thought I'd share with you my story, as it's nearly identical to yours. In fact it reads as the story of my life earlier this year.

I turned 30 in March and have had nearly exactly the same feelings. I'd spent all of my 20's studying two degrees, and in the last year and just recently came out of two different degree related roles, as the stress and impact on my personal wellbeing was awful. I was doing really well in those roles, with little to no negative feedback, but personally they were destroying me. Now, I've returned (for the third time) into a career in sales that, though interesting, doesn't present itself as something others see as a fruitful or 'proper' career.

But you know what? After I quit my second degree related role recently, something clicked in me. I used to beat myself up so much about not fulfilling my potential, being a failure at 30, etc etc. But once I tried again to forge a career in my studied field and subsequently hated it, I stopped caring. Not in a bad way, but in a way that felt like "I tried it, it wasn't for me, and that's ok."

I'm 30, 31 early next year. I have two degrees that both are not suited for the kind of job roles I like. I still don't really know what my true niche is. I have a rough idea, but I'm not willing to go and study again just yet. But I'm ok with that.

I'm taking each day as it comes, and opening myself up to the idea that good things will come, as long as I'm not spending my time on this earth blaming myself for things that I can't always control. I figure I just need to be open to finding the path of most contentment, and not torment myself with misguided ideas about being a 'failure' at this stage in my life, that stage etc etc.

We give some things a go, and we might succeed, but more often we won't. But hey, that's perfectly ok. It just means we're learning, growing, and just being a human in a world where there isn't always a 'plan' for us. Forget the plan. Focus on each day, and doing things that you can enjoy, even if it's as simple as eating good food, or exercising (my two main catalysts for immediate happiness).

The only person, as I also found out personally, that is measuring you against non tangible indicators of success, is you. Hopefully you too can choose to step off the chess board and make up your own rules 😊

Hopefully this helps!

Andy

[baet123]

Hey RTR,

Great to hear from you again.

I find is so inspiration and encouraging that you are in touch with your feelings and emotions. You ability to think mindfully is a great tool you possess which will be so crucial moving forward and improving your well-being.

To be honest, there is nothing "wrong" with the position you are in. When we go through personal struggle, we become stronger and realise who we are, what we stand for and we realise who our true friends are.

You mention that you don't have a mortgage and aren't in a serious/long term relationship. Neither am I and many of my friends around the same age so don't stress or be to hard on yourself. In fact, there are so many positives about not being in a relationship or having a mortgage. Having to sacrifice things on a weekly basis and having to make consistent repayments and living in debt is extremely stressful and not having to deal with that is actually a relief. Same applies to having a partner too!

You mention that your not happy with your current job. Nothing is worth sacrificing our emotional well-being and quality of life. If you find your work is detrimental to your quality of life and well-being, then maybe its time to consider a change of landscape and maybe going back to university to study Law? However, as we all know and are ware, bills don't pay themselves right? It is never too late to go back and study. I have been at university since 2011, studied 2 degrees before I found my love for social work. Maybe that is an option for you?

Please consider medication and therapy again. The only way we get better and maintain our well-being is through frequent and sustained treatment. Please consider visiting your GP and either being referred to a psychiatrist who will start you on medication and/or a referral to a psychologist and a mental health care plan and medication from your GP. There are so many treatment/intervention methods/services available out there. Ensuring you find a psychologist, GP or psychiatrist you genuinely "click with" and feel that they care is super important. We always underestimate the client-worker relationship.

There are some apps including we3apps and meetup which will provide you with a platform of meeting people with like minded interests. Finding a partner who shares similar interests and hobbies would be great!

I can tell you would make a great partner and friend and you will find someone who makes you extremely happy and vice versa.

Nick.

[Joycey83]

Hi i know exactly how you feel, i am now 36 and i have achieved nothing in my life, i to have had to watch friends and family get married, have kids, get good jobs and are living life and then i look at myself and it brings me to tears. I have severe anxiety and depression which makes my life hell. I even have thoughts of why was i even born? and if i found out tomorrow i had a terminal illness, i wouldn't care. I hate my life and i hate myself, i feel worthless, a nothing and it really hurts. I have made so many mistakes and wrong choices in my life. I've had jobs in the past but was never able to keep them, i have no friends, i've never had a girlfriend, i have no confidence. I have so many fears and worries about my future, i'm basically living day by day. I am so depressed, empty, sad, alone and full of regret.

[GMatthew]

Hey mate,

Everyone's life has their own timeline and so does yours. In saying that, is there really any point in comparing yourself to others? Seriously, is there? Try and look at it logically from all angles.

It will all take a while to properly suss it all out but as I said above, everyone's life has their own timeline and so does yours.

Don't worry, you're on time.

-Matt

[JeccaW]

Hey

im in my mid 30’s and feel like o coulda done better or done more.

But I’ve learnt everyone is different and there is no time line.

Chin up

[fuhrer]

Hey mate,

i completely understand where you are coming from and I am in a similar situation. Focus on the positives and don’t worry about not having confidence or a girlfriend. All you need is one right thing to happen to you: then everything will sort itself out.