anxiety escalated after loved ones lose function

[Haylzz]

Hi. I have always suffered with severe stress growing up whether it was about school or friends problems/bullying. But now that my mum suffered from a brain aneurysm (she is currently in rehab progressing well) this stress has basically turned into anxiety. And it makes it extra hard to control it because my mum is usually the one that helps me through my stress and knows what to do but now that I she still isn't able to have a full conversation with me. Not having her here and not being able to work also doesn't help my anxiety as it makes me worry about the future financially. Even though my dad reassures me that we will be okay somehow i still worry about it. Being 18 and just finishing school doesn't make it easier as i had all these plans i was going to do especially with my mum. during this holiday season it has become worse with having at least two attacks a day. Ive tried to reach psychologists but there is still like a 4-6 months waitlist due to covid (which is understandable). My mum is progressing well with her rehab but after everything that happened i worry that something bad will happy to someone else are care about and what the future holds for my family and i when/if she does come home. I've also tried breathing techniques and telehealth but this anxiety and stress feels it is becoming harder and harder to control each day. so if anyone else knows of any other strategies to help it would be very much appreciative.

[HamSolo01]

Hi Haylzz

You are dealing with a lot on your plate at the moment aren't you? Well done for having insight into what's causing you so much trouble at the moment though. That's awesome.

HAve you tried online counselling? it's more or less the same process here - where we type things out with someone in real time - I think BeyondBlue has that

https://www.beyondblue.org.au/get-support/get-immediate-support

I do hope your mother recovers soon and that things can get better. Feel free to report back here on how you've been going if you feel okay to do so - the forums are a great form of support too.

Do you have any plans to continue study after school ?

[sunnyl20]

Hey Haylzz,

I am so sorry to hear about what has been happening. It sounds like you are very close to your mum, I cannot imagine how distressing it must be to watch her go through this.

Have you considered seeing your GP to discuss with them what you are experiencing, especially in relation to the panic attacks? They may also be able to refer you on to a psychologist or other mental health clinician who has a shorter waitlist. Is there anything that has helped you in the past when you have felt overwhelmed with anxiety?

Other things you may want to consider are:

- Writing (handwriting or typing whatever you prefer), it can be really useful in organising your thoughts, seeing your thoughts from a different perspective, and just getting them out onto the page can help externalise some of that tension and stress a bit
- Grounding techniques can be helpful in bringing you back into your body and into the "here & now" when thoughts/emotions become overwhelming (or when you feel like they are about to), this can include breathing exercises like you mentioned (slowing/lengthening/focusing on your breathing) but can also include pushing your feet into the ground, stretching, playing with a stress ball, standing up and stomping your feet, if you have a google you will find many different ways to ground yourself
- Distraction, a much more short-term strategy, but it can helpful having a list of things that you personally find helpful for when things get overwhelming e.g. it could be listening to music or a podcast, making playlists, going for a long walk, watching YouTube, playing with a pet etc.
- Plan one or two things that you can look forward to, they don't have to be big, just little things that might help you to relax and something that you can enjoy

I'm sorry if you have already tried these, I just thought they might help you brainstorm a bit. Please do not hesitate to talk more if/when you feel up to it. We are here to listen. Take care.

[Kat_]

Hi Haylzz,

I'm so sorry to hear about your mum. Things like this are so scary. It sounds like there are lots of shifting parts in your life right now - it's only normal that this would provoke anxiety, compounding that with what's happened with your mum and how your family are coping. I can imagine that this all might feel like it's suffocating you - and I'm really glad you posted on here for support.

This first idea sounds really counter-productive, but sitting with your feelings may really help. I don't mean following your thoughts necessarily, but focusing on how that feels in your body. We tend to want to avoid feeling anxious, scared, low, and all of those things, but it's a part of human life and the more we try to put it off, the more it tends to get on top of us. There's an app called Smiling Mind which offers short meditations - listening to their guided one called "mindfulness of emotions" that might help you do this in a way that's not so overwhelming.

I know you've said that you've tried breathing techniques which haven't helped much - but there is something called 'progressive muscle relaxation' which also has good scientific literature for helping anxiety. Here is a link to one that I really like (note - it is 40 minutes long but you definitely don't have to do the whole thing if you don't want, I tend to focus on the time when it gets you to focus on your neck and shoulders which is where most of my stress manifests).

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=3eHqfc8qQs0&t=611s&ab_channel=RayBarrett

Another thing that could be helpful is trying to schedule time in the day where you think about these things, so you can develop some muscles in putting the thoughts aside for a time. For example - if you had a worry about money - you might say to yourself "can I do something about this right now?" and if not - it goes into the pile of things that you have 15 mins to worry about at 6 pm.

Lastly, I wonder if you can ask yourself what your mum might say or do if you were to go to her for support - I know that's not what she has the capacity to do right now, and it might hurt for a while, but it might be a nice way to connect with her yourself as well.

These are just suggestions - they are not for everyone. If things work for you for a bit and then stop working, or they don't take, please be kind to yourself - you're under a lot of pressure and your resources are going into that. Just do what you can.

Best of luck and here if you need,

Kat_